JOY

First of all, let me apologize for not getting back to you all regularly on Email. With my month away the emails have backed up and for some reason email has been a rare thing to access of late. This may not change too much in this next month or so so I hope that you all can just love me and know that I love you in return, even though I am not responding too much.

So, God has been teaching me about JOY and LOVE. They have been on my heart for a while but I think I need to be reminded of what God does and how we works. In church on Sunday I read through Isaiah 58 during the prayer time and felt so clearly God asking me to stop looking at myself, my weaknesses, my hurts, and to look towards others through Him. I think I can get caught in a place of self-pity, wanting to be understood rather than focusing on understanding. I heard very clearly that I was to turn my eyes to others and the meaning of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" became real. I felt full as I sat there reflecting on what God was saying to me, to give rather than receive is truly the best, but we get so caught up in receiving, so desperate to have our needs met before we can be content rather than do for others what we long for so much in our own selves.

Remember that little saying about JOY we learned when we were young?

Jesus
Others
You

I think it's true. And I have been getting excited about it.

I am also feeling strongly that God has designed me and called me to be a mother. Not just of my own children but of those around me that I seem to attract, specifically young girls. He has called me to be for them what they need, to use my nurturing spirit to give them love. I don't know what this will look like, but I see that this has been a consistent theme of my time here and something that my passions excite at the thought of. I already have a few daughters here in Zambia and I wonder, where will God have me.

Please pray for further direction and discernment as I face my future. I feel like the rest of my time in Africa is up in the air. Zambia is only for sure until the 30th of this month when my Permit expires, January is still unclear, and I will go back to South Africa the first week of February. Still feeling a bit misplaced, but wanting to make the best of the opportunities I have.

God has blessed me with Natalie. I find that I have motivation when I have someone beside me. I crave the presence of another, it is the way God created me. I am a relational being. I don't need to do everything with someone, but I need to have someone around, to know that I am not alone. I'm enjoying the girl talks, the dance parties, and just having someone else in the house. Thank you Lord for every good and perfect gift!