Obscurity

Leaning into the mist...leaning into God...right now it feels the same to me but I have to know from experience that God, although unseen, is dependable.

I leave in 8 days and have no where to go, at least today I don't. If I look ahead of today I feel overwhelmed with plans that I don't know how to make. How do I say goodbye, how do I plan for accommodations in another country, how do I keep my head on straight enough to do all this and finish my projects here in Zambia? Will someone come and take care of these things for me? Puh-leeeease???

I'm stepping into the unknown in literally every area of my life and I feel a little crazy. I don't want to leave Africa, and yet I feel it is time to go, for now at least. I'm crying a lot...not that it is abnormal for me to do so but I am hurting deep in my heart and need to hear from God on some things. Time isn't enough and it feels even shorter now than it has before. Is it possible to make an announcement to all of Zambia?

"My Dear Zambia, Iam leaving you and I want you to know how much it hurts me. I don't want you to forget me. I know it will be impossible for me to forget you. I love you. I have you in my heart, in my blood, in my skin. My life has become rich because of you. I have learnt what it means to live in a new way from you. You hold the smiles that bring joy to my heart, light to my face. Your colors are inspirational to me, your love has been healing to me. You have been my mother, my father, my brother and sister. When you notice that I have gone, know that it isn't because I have forgotten you. I haven't left because I didn't love you.I wish to come again. My children, little ones that call my name from the road, know that I cherish you more than words can express. Your futures weigh on my heart and I pray for hope for you, life and freedom from the cares and hurts you have known prematurely. I love you like a mother. I miss you already and will come back to you soon"

Pray for my heart, for light that exposes the darkness...