Answers

God's timing is not my own.
Trust
It's not easy

(Is that a haiku? :)

Trust I think might mean to believe that all things work together for the good of those who love Christ Jesus. So, when something is going in a way that is completely opposite of our desire and heart, we have to have peace knowing that our ways are not God's ways and if He doesn't allow something we can trust that it will still be for our good.

I tried to remember this as we were rushing to make it to immigration an hour away that we were told closed at 1pm. It was 12 and we were delayed leaving early in the morning for some reasons beyond my control. I pushed the gas hard, feeling a little out of control as I knew if I didn't arrive in time I would have to leave Zambia in only a day. I willed the car to perform well, I willed the immigration office to stay open just a minute or so late if we couldn't make it in time. I thought of whether God could bless irrational behavior as I settled myself a bit, we'll make it in time, the speed limit gets us there in an hour, it will be fine. I looked down at the dashboard only to find the temperature of the vehicle outstandingly high. Pulled over. Crying. Desperate...I'm not going to make it in time. This happened before with this car, something was wrong with it and it was overheating. Jacob said to keep driving, just keep it between 60 - 80 kph and it should be fine. It didn't feel fine as water was gurggling and boiling all over but we thought he knew best and got back in. I prayed that car into cool temperatures and felt it was working until all of a sudden the temperature rose again. It was 12:45, I cried some more as two angels walked up, released the water valve to let out the pressure, ran to find a random flower watering can in the middle of nowhere filled with water to fill up our empty water container in the car. We rushed on after 5 minutes to make it, praying all the way, asking for favor...I jumped out of the car, threw the keys to Natalie and ran to the door of the immigration only to find he had just left. I cried again as his secretary told me I could talk to the man next door. Shaking I entered and sat down with a sigh as I handed him my request letter. He sent me down to the next door of a man named Macbeth. Macbeth told me the office was open until 5pm, no worries, just get your ticket, make some copies, and we can handle this for you. Instant relief as I inwardly rebuked myself...isn't God in control?!

All this toil, a chasing after wind.

Money is coming, a place to go on Friday, an extension on my visa...wait patiently for the salvation of the Lord, He will not delay, although it seems that He may tarry, wait for it.

Malawi holds my next destination. I will be there for the next three weeks working with Somebody Cares before I go to South Africa to do my final reporting with them and make my way back to the States. My plans have changed a bit, I need to keep things simple or I get overwhelmed so my hopes for Europe are dwindling, maybe a long lay-over will do for now. I think I need to be home soon, a breaking has begun inside me and I think it necessary to have some support around to hold me.

God answers, He knows what I need even before I ask, he has begun to answer.