Yes, I am negative today...and this was a blessing. As I sat in the chair the social worker that I have been training with explained to me HIV/AIDS. She asked, "have you any reason to believe that you could be infected by HIV/AIDS?" I looked her in the eyes and felt tears coming on, "Yes." I wondered if she had started to judge me. She continued to look me in the eyes, "have you taken part in any risky behaviors?" I answered in the affirmative again. I felt nervous. She was compassionate in her gaze. Megan, I want you to know that there is life no matter if you are negative or positive. I smiled but felt weak inside. Of course you can say that if you are negative...it means nothing to the one who is about to test. I thought of what my life would mean if I was positive. Would I be able to continue, would I feel hope? She asked me if I was ready and I said yes although I would have rather just run away and avoided the issue altogether. The nurse came in, she pricked my right middle finger and worked the blood to the tip. She placed a drop into two little plastic testers. I sat there and waited, Dorcas, the social worker, had her arm around my shoulder. She told me not to be nervous as she was shaking the test, trying to get it to work faster, past the number 2, past the number 1...I asked her if she was nervous, she said Yes. I knew she was in this with me, she was involved and I was glad, I needed her there for me. Finally the liquid made it past the 2, past the 1, and then a line was drawn on the C...Negative. Relief swept over my face, she smiled, we both laughed. It was great.
When I left she handed me a folded piece of paper. "Here's your love letter" she said. It was my testing sheet showing negative. It was a love letter, from God. How I have been so fortunate I don't understand, but I know that I was there, feeling the same way those I work with feel...all of the past, all of the regrets swelling in my mind, weighing down my heart..and then sweet releasing words, "You're negative." I wish they all received the same news.
Love and PEACE...oh and a little bit of grace as well :)
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I will be in Africa for the next year volunteering with Hands@Work, a Christian missions agency based in South Africa. Here you will be able to join me on my journey through Africa and stay connected with me throughout the year. Be sure to stay close! Miss you already!
6 comments:
Megan,
I so love your heart and I am so proud to be your Mother.
My heart is full,
MOM
Oh, Megan-
How much even more, given your experience, will you be able to minister to the folks there in your community!!?!! Indeed, you have experienced first-hand the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty they did when they took the test for AIDS.
Furthermore, I'm quite sure the folks you're privileged to care for and work alongside will look at you with a new set of eyes. In some small way, you became one of them, if you will.
Beautiful...absolutely beautiful.
-Terri
Hi Megan! We love you. We want to let you know that. We have goodies for you too, coming soon.
ada online
Megan,
I sure miss your spirit and laugh here. I am praying for you and think of you often! Our little group is not the same without you!
Nichol
Megan,
I'm thinking and praying for you daily. These posts are always a blessing.
still in love-
jimmy
Megan, I love you! Keep up your posts...you're beautiful! Your love for Christ is overflowing and inspirational. In your struggles God is doing amazing things through you and growing you up into the person He needs you to be. I miss you, but know Africa needs you more...
In His Spirit,
Nancy
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