Disconnect

This week has been a bit of a struggle. Bi-polar you could say, I have just self-diagnosed myself...I expected this to happen when I first arrived, and it did, but it has come back and I was hoping I was done with the emotional ups and downs. We have been doing a lot of workshops, which means we are at the ASM campus and folks are coming in to talk to us about their programs. Although it is a nice break I feel like I am sitting too much. Being relaxed sometimes is not a good thing. I would much rather return home exhausted, dusty, and ready for bed by 7pm. All the class time allows the mind to go a little crazy as well...if you know me you understand that this is just not a healthy place for me to be, I am obsessive enough already.
I was given the chance to share my heart yesterday at the Young Mums program. I had felt the Lord had laid it on my heart to speak to this group about my own personal struggles for love and acceptance. Many women here believe that since I have no children that I had lived a perfect life...I wanted to encourage them that their struggles are human struggles, not South African young women struggles. I broke down, I shared my heart, I encouraged them to go to God as I needed to...I read Hosea chapter 2 to them...I prayed that God would use my story, I hope He will.
Today I shadowed the social worker at the AIDS clinic that is right across the road from ASM. Her name is Dorcas. I was able to sit in on two VCT's, this means Voluntary, Counseling, Testing. Most people say VCT when they are getting tested for HIV/AIDS. The first I came into a man had just been told he was HIV+. He was older and said that He wasn't surprised, He was fine with it. I sat and thought about how I would feel and understood a fraction of what he must have felt...it rattled me. The second VCT was for an older lady. She was suffering from Cervical Cancer. I related to her, knowing that I might be sitting in the same chair someday, and my emotions were so involved in her story I started to feel faint. I was overwhelmed as she told of her bleeding. She was there to get some treatment for cancer but the clinic only serves HIV+ patients so insists that all that come get tested first...this is a good thing and somewhat forces patients to come face to face with their reality. It is tough, but necessary. Anyhow, she was sitting there, wondering if she had AIDS. She just wanted to know for sure. They speak with them first, ask them how they feel, what would they do if they were positive? They don't use gloves in this clinic...I have actually never seen anyone with Hands@Work using gloves. They pricked her with a needle and used two 5 minute tests that are about 95% accurate. They chatted with her while waiting for the results. One line on the C meant she was clean. A line on the C and the one means she would have HIV-1, a line on the C, the 1 and the 2 would mean a foreign strand of HIV-1 and HIV-2, something that is very rare. I was nervous. I saw the two plastic cases as they passed them over to the patient. "Do you know what this means?" The nurse asked her? A big smile came onto the nurses face, relief poured through my chest. She was negative! Every generalization I had formed was beaten down inside of me. It is easy to begin to believe that all of the Blacks here in South Africa are positive. The woman smiled and tears came into her eyes. She picked up the tests and looked closely and then insisted that she must be positive. "No, you are negative." She couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it. The smile never left her face but there was shock showing as well. She had been protected. How wonderful it was to see that and what a good reminder. They are all individuals you know, and they all have different stories. It was a good day. We began the day having prayer in a little courtyard between two of the buildings. The sky was dark with grey clouds covering the sky. Mist poured down as the rich sounds of African Gospel flowed from the 40+ volunteers who surrounded me. What a beautiful morning it was. If I could capture the moment I would sent a bit of it to each and every one of you so you could experience true worship and the blessings I have every day I volunteer in the community. There is always beauty in the midst of the ashes. God's promises are faithful.

We are on vacation until this upcoming Tuesday, it will be nice to have a few days off and maybe get out to see some things. Maybe God's Window, a beautiful Mountain look out around here, maybe Kruger Park. We'll see what we have time for.

Please continue to pray, it has been so encouraging to hear from you all and the prayers you have prayed have met my needs exactly. Thank you for this!

Peace and love to you all! Niyabonga!