5.08.2007
Real Love
Today we were talking about God’s covenant with Abraham. In those days they used to cut a carcass in half and then the two parties involved in a covenant would walk together between and around the carcasses in a sort of figure eight fashion. They were symbolically promising, if you need anything I promise to take care of it for you, and if I need anything, you are promising to take care of it. If either of us doesn’t fulfill our end of the bargain the same be to that person as has happened to this carcass…they will pay the penalty for breaking this covenant by death. If you read in Genesis 15 it talks about God making a covenant with Abraham. They prepared the carcasses and cut them in half. Then Abraham fell asleep and while he was asleep the Lord in the form of a smoking firepot with a blazing torch passed between the pieces. He walked the covenant alone. He was saying, I will fulfill my end of the bargain, and if you don’t fulfill your end, I will pay the punishment. I alone with be responsible for the covenant I am making with you and you can hold me accountable. It was awesome to see God’s love in a new way that I hadn’t noticed before. I am finding myself more in awe of God and His design. He created us, gave us free will, needed justice over sin due to His holiness, so He paid the price for us. His love overflows. I can’t imagine not loving Him…not because it makes everything easy, but He has sacrificed everything, even His high position to keep us in communion with Him. We who are sinful, wretched people, He loves. Amazing!
Life is not cheap
She was my friend, we used to live together, laugh together. We went shopping, talked about boys, and ate junk food…we did this all together. Now she was lying on that bed lifeless. She just died while I was standing there beside her and I didn’t know what to do. The Sister was there and began to spout off commands. “Somebody needs to call the Mortuary. Somebody needs to call her family and tell them what happened. We can’t just leave her like this, we have to clean her up, cover her, prepare her for the funeral home. You know they won’t take her like this. She is about to leak infectious body fluids.” Death was beginning to sink into my friend’s body and the Sister wanted us to act quickly but I just felt disgusted and angry. Why was she being so bossy? I couldn’t even let the grief welling up inside of my chest have any release. I wanted to cry, to wail, but we needed to prepare the body. We had nothing but a few bolts, some gauze wrap, and some cotton wool. We needed to keep her eyes closed so we placed the bolts over her eyes to keep them closed. We then took the gauze wrap and tied it around her head, from her chin to the top of her head to ensure that her mouth would stay closed. We then took the cotton wool and put it into her nostrils as well as in her ears. This was to ensure that no fluid could make its way out of her body. My friend was positive and I don’t mean her personality. No, she was HIV+ and the virus was still inside of her body. Any fluid excreted would be highly infectious to those around her. We straightened out her arms to make sure they didn’t stiffen in a strange position and then covered her with a blanket. She was gone, my friend was gone and the last image I had of her would be her wrapped in a bandage with bolts on her eyes and cotton up her nose. It was surreal and disturbing. My heart ached, why couldn’t we do any more for my friend? Why did death have to be like this?
“Okay” the Sister said, “Brooke, you can wake up now, you’re alive.” The role-play was over. We returned to our prayer circle with our lighted candle and Brooke joined us again feeling very rested and wishing she could crawl back into that bed. But as I sat there I was left with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief. “But why does death have to look like that?” I was disturbed still, thinking of my family in the community who had lost their mother, their father and most recently their 19 year old brother. Did they have to do this for them? Did they have to experience the ugliness of death? Our time in Barberton was bittersweet. We went to a place called St. John’s. It could be called a children’s hospice for all the children who are sent there to die, but it could also be called an orphanage for those children who were supposed to die but are still living, still thriving there and are the most beautiful children you might meet. The mixture of life and death on the campus was startling. On one side there was hope, on the other, comfort for the hopeless.
There was a misunderstanding so we came to play with the children but the Sisters had a workshop prepared for us on “Palliative care and Dying.” Sound depressing? It was. We talked for hours about death and dying. Wait, let me rephrase that. The Sister spent hours talking about death and dying. I wondered if it wasn’t a blessing for her for us to be there as she had so much to say and a flow of information spilled from her lips. A delightful little nun with stories to last a lifetime. She had been in South Africa for over 20 years working on this plot of land. It started out as a youth hostel and evolved over the years into what it is today. She has experienced more death than any of us could imagine. There had been 5 deaths in just the past two weeks on their property. Imagine what that must feel like to care and love for people you know are only in your presence to die. I’m not sure I could do that, but this is her calling and her church placed her there for a reason. She was in her mid to late sixties, originally from the States, Pittsburg to be exact. She played with them, sang with them.
It was such a strange thing…all these kiddos spoke English. Their little black faces, coming from the bush and yet growing up with American nuns had produced English speakers that were natives of South Africa. They called the 7 that had been there for years the magnificent 7. They were all meant to die. All had stories of triumph. One was found a few days old in a plastic bag in the middle of a field. She is a spit-fire. The stories are filled with rape, abuse, and extreme illness. They each have been at death’s door and returned victoriously. The strange thing was looking at these children and trying to comprehend that they were all sick, all with HIV, all on ARV’s, all fragile creatures. They spoke with confidence and joy.
Some of my thoughts while at St. Johns:
“This place feels blessed. The light overflows from the tops of the buildings and creates a fabulous aura. God is here.”
“This supportive group of little ones, forced to grow up fast. Their living is surrounded by dying and it is now normal”
“The pain is too big, too real, so she laughs. Oh Lord, protect her heart, hold it close, because she needs your comfort”
“The reality: these children are dying of AIDS, and they know it”
“Abandoned by death, unnatural to us, but this is their family”
“Is it desperation? Where is the love that leaves when it becomes too difficult? Why is it only important to stick together physically while emotionally they are strangers?”
“I hate death, it is an assault on everything we hold dear, or maybe I hate illness, the unexpected, the indifferent diseases, AIDS, those that rob of life”
“The disappearing children. Deterioration = loss of existence”
“Life is not cheap”
“Okay” the Sister said, “Brooke, you can wake up now, you’re alive.” The role-play was over. We returned to our prayer circle with our lighted candle and Brooke joined us again feeling very rested and wishing she could crawl back into that bed. But as I sat there I was left with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief. “But why does death have to look like that?” I was disturbed still, thinking of my family in the community who had lost their mother, their father and most recently their 19 year old brother. Did they have to do this for them? Did they have to experience the ugliness of death? Our time in Barberton was bittersweet. We went to a place called St. John’s. It could be called a children’s hospice for all the children who are sent there to die, but it could also be called an orphanage for those children who were supposed to die but are still living, still thriving there and are the most beautiful children you might meet. The mixture of life and death on the campus was startling. On one side there was hope, on the other, comfort for the hopeless.
There was a misunderstanding so we came to play with the children but the Sisters had a workshop prepared for us on “Palliative care and Dying.” Sound depressing? It was. We talked for hours about death and dying. Wait, let me rephrase that. The Sister spent hours talking about death and dying. I wondered if it wasn’t a blessing for her for us to be there as she had so much to say and a flow of information spilled from her lips. A delightful little nun with stories to last a lifetime. She had been in South Africa for over 20 years working on this plot of land. It started out as a youth hostel and evolved over the years into what it is today. She has experienced more death than any of us could imagine. There had been 5 deaths in just the past two weeks on their property. Imagine what that must feel like to care and love for people you know are only in your presence to die. I’m not sure I could do that, but this is her calling and her church placed her there for a reason. She was in her mid to late sixties, originally from the States, Pittsburg to be exact. She played with them, sang with them.
It was such a strange thing…all these kiddos spoke English. Their little black faces, coming from the bush and yet growing up with American nuns had produced English speakers that were natives of South Africa. They called the 7 that had been there for years the magnificent 7. They were all meant to die. All had stories of triumph. One was found a few days old in a plastic bag in the middle of a field. She is a spit-fire. The stories are filled with rape, abuse, and extreme illness. They each have been at death’s door and returned victoriously. The strange thing was looking at these children and trying to comprehend that they were all sick, all with HIV, all on ARV’s, all fragile creatures. They spoke with confidence and joy.
Some of my thoughts while at St. Johns:
“This place feels blessed. The light overflows from the tops of the buildings and creates a fabulous aura. God is here.”
“This supportive group of little ones, forced to grow up fast. Their living is surrounded by dying and it is now normal”
“The pain is too big, too real, so she laughs. Oh Lord, protect her heart, hold it close, because she needs your comfort”
“The reality: these children are dying of AIDS, and they know it”
“Abandoned by death, unnatural to us, but this is their family”
“Is it desperation? Where is the love that leaves when it becomes too difficult? Why is it only important to stick together physically while emotionally they are strangers?”
“I hate death, it is an assault on everything we hold dear, or maybe I hate illness, the unexpected, the indifferent diseases, AIDS, those that rob of life”
“The disappearing children. Deterioration = loss of existence”
“Life is not cheap”
5.04.2007
Prayer Please
You know, the Enemy is at work telling lies and confusing things. I choose to believe that this is because he knows God is going to use us instead of the lie that I am feeling this way because God just can't and doesn't want to use me. We are in a difficult time right now and we need some prayers to be lifted. Farzam is having a really difficult time and needs encouragement from God. Please pray for him and for his family and that God's will would be evident and be done.
The enemy is a professional at what he does and sometimes it is so difficult to truly see what his intentions are until he has already made an impact. I refuse to let him have the victory, but his lies sound like truth sometimes. We watched that movie Joan of Arc the other night and I really felt that I was going through the same test that she comes to at the end of the movie, when the devil comes to her and tells her that she made it all up, that she was only following her own desires rather than God's. Wow...I am hearing these lies a lot lately and would like them to stop. Just pray for us, that Truth would prevail.
It's the weekend already, can't believe it. We are going to do some discipleship training this weekend and I am really looking forward to it. Also looking forward to church on Sunday, it's been a while since I have gone to church, officially anyways.
I will write more later on about my time in Barberton.
Love and Peace
The enemy is a professional at what he does and sometimes it is so difficult to truly see what his intentions are until he has already made an impact. I refuse to let him have the victory, but his lies sound like truth sometimes. We watched that movie Joan of Arc the other night and I really felt that I was going through the same test that she comes to at the end of the movie, when the devil comes to her and tells her that she made it all up, that she was only following her own desires rather than God's. Wow...I am hearing these lies a lot lately and would like them to stop. Just pray for us, that Truth would prevail.
It's the weekend already, can't believe it. We are going to do some discipleship training this weekend and I am really looking forward to it. Also looking forward to church on Sunday, it's been a while since I have gone to church, officially anyways.
I will write more later on about my time in Barberton.
Love and Peace
5.01.2007
Spoiled
I am in a time of transition and I am finding it a bit strange. Being on Holiday for the past five days has really opened my eyes to the dual life that I am currently living. Last week I was taking care of children who had been abandoned and sick. Today I am sitting at the mall, drinking a latte and using the wireless Internet connection available. I feel strange. Although I miss my comfortable life, I also crave the exhaustion that comes from doing hard work. I am looking forward to Malawi very much. We are wrapping things up here so now we are doing a lot of planning and organizing...translated, a lot of sitting on our butts and talking. It is exciting stuff but at the end of the day I just want to distract myself from the reality that I am leaving my friends behind yet again, leaving my new family behind yet again, and on to do something alone, something that is going to be much more difficult than what I am doing right now. I'm nervous, and I hope I am prepared.
This morning I was praying that God would show me something, something big and glorious that I could bask in. Instead He humbled me with today's reading in My Utmost for His Highest. (Thanks so much Ann by the way!) He told me that I must trust Him and continue on. He told me that I wasn't looking for Him at all, that I was growing too attached to the big experiences with Him instead of just walking with Him in the day to day grind of life. Alright, I will do it...and that is where Trust is really apparent. He isn't enlightening me, do I still trust Him? He hasn't brought any outstanding words, will I still talk to Him? I don't feel the vision, will I still follow Him? I was challenged, questioned my love for Him. Do I love Him, truly, or do I love what He can do for me, in my life? I spent a good time in prayer after this and felt refreshed, sometimes you just gotta talk to Him and find encouragement knowing that He is listening. I am starting a 11 part study of Ephesians and am looking forward to being challenged again. Ephesians is a good book, challenging, but so good. I read through it this morning and was so thankful for Jesus, because of Him I have hope, only because of Him.
I am posting some more pictures today, I got my hair cut...exciting information huh?! :) Okay, I think I'll go. Hey, if anyone sees my friend Frank, tell him "hey" for me and "what's up G-funk" I miss him today and wonder how he is. Shannon, thanks for your letter, I got it and was so happy to get some mail. Jimmy, we're still in love...good! I'm glad we got to dance at Katie's wedding...
Love you all!
This morning I was praying that God would show me something, something big and glorious that I could bask in. Instead He humbled me with today's reading in My Utmost for His Highest. (Thanks so much Ann by the way!) He told me that I must trust Him and continue on. He told me that I wasn't looking for Him at all, that I was growing too attached to the big experiences with Him instead of just walking with Him in the day to day grind of life. Alright, I will do it...and that is where Trust is really apparent. He isn't enlightening me, do I still trust Him? He hasn't brought any outstanding words, will I still talk to Him? I don't feel the vision, will I still follow Him? I was challenged, questioned my love for Him. Do I love Him, truly, or do I love what He can do for me, in my life? I spent a good time in prayer after this and felt refreshed, sometimes you just gotta talk to Him and find encouragement knowing that He is listening. I am starting a 11 part study of Ephesians and am looking forward to being challenged again. Ephesians is a good book, challenging, but so good. I read through it this morning and was so thankful for Jesus, because of Him I have hope, only because of Him.
I am posting some more pictures today, I got my hair cut...exciting information huh?! :) Okay, I think I'll go. Hey, if anyone sees my friend Frank, tell him "hey" for me and "what's up G-funk" I miss him today and wonder how he is. Shannon, thanks for your letter, I got it and was so happy to get some mail. Jimmy, we're still in love...good! I'm glad we got to dance at Katie's wedding...
Love you all!
4.30.2007
Toilet paper
We have been on holiday since Friday and we still have today and tomorrow...lots of time for the restless Megan to think and obsess and create funny things inside of her head. Please pray for my thoughts and my heart, I continually need to fill them up with Truth to combat what I can fill them with myself.
So we went to a lodge on Saturday called Hannah Lodge. Brooke and I shared a chalet (which just sounds great huh?!). The Chalet was light yellow and had one of those thatched roofs on it that in the sun shines like a seal, it is beautiful. We had a great view of the valley and the game reserve that the lodge was sitting on. We arrived in the afternoon to barely catch the 4pm game drive. We sat on a stadium style seating truck that was completely open. We were going to drive through the bush to see what we could see. No lions are on the property but there are rhinos and a leopard and a bunch of other fun stuff that isn't too thrilling or scary. As we began the drive we found that the only animals we were capturing on film looked strangely familiar. They took the form of myself and Brooker and looked nothing like animals at all actually. We had a great time being silly sitting on the very top bench of this huge stadium style truck. The benches were shallow so we found ourselves sliding off and creating dangerous imaginative circumstances that never would come to be. We finally stopped to look at something amazing. Oddly enough the driver got off the truck and I wondered what was happening. He returned onto the truck carrying a handful of twigs..."Do you see the plant that I am holding here?" He asked as though this was to be a magic trick or something VERY important. "Feel it" he said as he began to pass pieces of his bush around to us in the truck. "can you feel how soft it is?" He waited for all of us to say yes, I was reminded of grade school. "This bush is the Toilet Paper bush. If you are in the bush and need to use the toilet, here is your toilet paper." It was so funny and actually one of the most impressive sights we say during the drive. It was all part of the adventure though, and that is what made it so great. It is becoming winter here so the drive was freezing. They passed out wool blankets to us before we left but it just wasn't enough to keep the cold out.
We decided to go on the morning drive as well. Get up at 6am for the 6:30 departure. This time I was prepared. Long sleeves shirt, Pants, sweatshirt, scarf, beenie, plus two blankets...I was still cold! Not what you imagined Africa to be like huh?! Me either. We saw a bunch of warthogs and I have decided that I like the warthogs the best so far. They are so little and think they are really fierce. They stare you down, and then when you get too close they run as fast as their little legs will take them. They remind me of my dog Jack. I LOVED THEM!
On our drive home we went to Blyde River Canyon, absolutely GORGEOUS! It was an adventure to say the least!
Love you!
So we went to a lodge on Saturday called Hannah Lodge. Brooke and I shared a chalet (which just sounds great huh?!). The Chalet was light yellow and had one of those thatched roofs on it that in the sun shines like a seal, it is beautiful. We had a great view of the valley and the game reserve that the lodge was sitting on. We arrived in the afternoon to barely catch the 4pm game drive. We sat on a stadium style seating truck that was completely open. We were going to drive through the bush to see what we could see. No lions are on the property but there are rhinos and a leopard and a bunch of other fun stuff that isn't too thrilling or scary. As we began the drive we found that the only animals we were capturing on film looked strangely familiar. They took the form of myself and Brooker and looked nothing like animals at all actually. We had a great time being silly sitting on the very top bench of this huge stadium style truck. The benches were shallow so we found ourselves sliding off and creating dangerous imaginative circumstances that never would come to be. We finally stopped to look at something amazing. Oddly enough the driver got off the truck and I wondered what was happening. He returned onto the truck carrying a handful of twigs..."Do you see the plant that I am holding here?" He asked as though this was to be a magic trick or something VERY important. "Feel it" he said as he began to pass pieces of his bush around to us in the truck. "can you feel how soft it is?" He waited for all of us to say yes, I was reminded of grade school. "This bush is the Toilet Paper bush. If you are in the bush and need to use the toilet, here is your toilet paper." It was so funny and actually one of the most impressive sights we say during the drive. It was all part of the adventure though, and that is what made it so great. It is becoming winter here so the drive was freezing. They passed out wool blankets to us before we left but it just wasn't enough to keep the cold out.
We decided to go on the morning drive as well. Get up at 6am for the 6:30 departure. This time I was prepared. Long sleeves shirt, Pants, sweatshirt, scarf, beenie, plus two blankets...I was still cold! Not what you imagined Africa to be like huh?! Me either. We saw a bunch of warthogs and I have decided that I like the warthogs the best so far. They are so little and think they are really fierce. They stare you down, and then when you get too close they run as fast as their little legs will take them. They remind me of my dog Jack. I LOVED THEM!
On our drive home we went to Blyde River Canyon, absolutely GORGEOUS! It was an adventure to say the least!
Love you!
4.26.2007
Don't Worry
Okay, I can be the first person to admit that I have my ups and downs and I usually put them right out there just in case anyone is interested, they know where I stand at the moment. Yes, each moment might be a little different...and I hope that that is okay.
I am feeling much better today. I talked to my mom last night on the phone and let her know what was going on inside of me. How wonderful it is that God gives us others in this world to be in relationship with. You know we must trust God, but He gave Adam Eve, he needed a help meet, someone to stand with him, and we all need people in our lives. I can get into this mind set that if I am trusting God I had better not discuss my problems or concerns with anyone else, but that doesn't seem right, and I don't think it is.
So today we went to a house in town called the Millennium House, we actually went there yesterday as well. This is a sort of half-way house for children under 6yrs that have been abandoned by their parents at the local hospital. There are about 11 children there and they are absolutely adorable. It was good to be there and spend some time with them. Lots of babies to cuddle with and I admit that the idea of adoption did enter into my mind. :)
Everyone on my team is going through struggles right now with the upcoming move. Farzam is really having a difficult time with his family's pressures to get him back home. I am just the usual emotional gal as always, and Brooke is trying to decide how long she is going to stay. Pray for all of us that we will know God's will in these things and have confidence in moving forward.
We have a holiday weekend this weekend and are hoping to maybe go camping together which would actually be a really nice thing. There is a place called Blythe River Canyon that is sounding like a good place to be. We'll see what we can do.
Anyway, just a quickie here...I posted some more pictures yesterday as well just to let you know.
Love
I am feeling much better today. I talked to my mom last night on the phone and let her know what was going on inside of me. How wonderful it is that God gives us others in this world to be in relationship with. You know we must trust God, but He gave Adam Eve, he needed a help meet, someone to stand with him, and we all need people in our lives. I can get into this mind set that if I am trusting God I had better not discuss my problems or concerns with anyone else, but that doesn't seem right, and I don't think it is.
So today we went to a house in town called the Millennium House, we actually went there yesterday as well. This is a sort of half-way house for children under 6yrs that have been abandoned by their parents at the local hospital. There are about 11 children there and they are absolutely adorable. It was good to be there and spend some time with them. Lots of babies to cuddle with and I admit that the idea of adoption did enter into my mind. :)
Everyone on my team is going through struggles right now with the upcoming move. Farzam is really having a difficult time with his family's pressures to get him back home. I am just the usual emotional gal as always, and Brooke is trying to decide how long she is going to stay. Pray for all of us that we will know God's will in these things and have confidence in moving forward.
We have a holiday weekend this weekend and are hoping to maybe go camping together which would actually be a really nice thing. There is a place called Blythe River Canyon that is sounding like a good place to be. We'll see what we can do.
Anyway, just a quickie here...I posted some more pictures yesterday as well just to let you know.
Love
4.25.2007
Can I come home???
I am sitting here in the wilderness and understand that I need to make a choice to thank God anyways, to trust Him, to believe Him. Can I be honest with you right now and say that I want to come home? I want my mom...I want some comfort and something normal to count on. I think that Africa is my wilderness, where God has drawn me to take me away from my lovers, those I've depended on for my security. It is here that I wait for Him to be my comfort, my everything...because daily I am reminded that I have nothing without Him. There is an elephant sitting on my chest and I am struggling to breathe...why can't this just be easy? To trust God takes what? I am being stretched, maybe that is what I feel in my heart, stretching...
I am seeing people dying and I am getting angry. I forget what stage that is in the grieving process but anger is what I feel. So many sick and so many afraid of getting medical attention. The Sangoma sounds better to them, it is all they've known, all they've heard to trust in. A sangoma is a witch doctor by the way. We went to see this tiny little baby in Cork, a community by Hazyview. The baby was 9 months old and is skin and bones. He probably has meningitis, he also probably is HIV + by the looks of him. There are bumps all over this fragile little body and scabs behind both ears that the flies loved to feast on. I was disgusted, wanted to give him a bath and then kidnap him and take him to the Doctor's. He kept crying, the mother was desperate. We told her her baby would die if she didn't take him to the Doctors and she just got up and walked away. She knows...but she is filled with fear. Cork is a community that began as the place to send the bad Sangomas. The community is filled with oppression and it can appear to be completely hopeless.
On the flip side, after I spent part of my weekend in Cork we went to another Town near the Mozambican border and spent the night at a Hunting Reserve. I was in a movie...or maybe it just felt like i was in a movie. We dined by fireside, they served Impala sausages and chicken...you can guess what I ate. These men are serious hunters...serious. They live to kill and their den spoke volumes with the Elephant heads, stuffed LIONS, giraffe heads, and more hung all around the walls. They had Elephant stools which meant that they had used the foot of an elephant to make a stool...disgusting. Our Chalet had an Elephant trunk mounted to a wooden plate standing on the floor...you may not understand what the purpose was until you looked closer and saw the light bulb attachment on it...perfect lamp huh?! Wow...I was in a world that I had never enjoyed being a part of with all the dead stuff, but it was also amazing. Our chalet had a thatched roof and smelled like the hay on my grandparents farm. When I went to the main lodge in the morning what was standing there to greet me but a baby giraffe getting his breakfast out of a bottle. His name is Stripes and he enjoys sticking his head into the kitchen to find whatever food he can scrounge up. This was a delight! New experiences every day.
I decided that I am going to Malawi as planned. Got gave me a verse in Habakkuk I think about remembering the vision God gives in order for you to run with it. It said that it might seem like God is tarrying, but just to wait, because God is faithful...and I am holding onto this and walking confidently to Malawi unless God closes the door. I am excited about going but dreading leaving my friends here behind. This might be the exact move I need though.
Please pray for my heart. I am waiting on God, and I will praise Him in this storm, I WILL...it is a choice and I choose to trust Him, I just wish I felt better. Please pray that I would have discernment, that He would give me peace about what He is doing in my life...I need some peace right now. I miss you all too much right now and love you lots! Remember to appreciate the comfortable, because when it isn't there...you miss it! :)
I am seeing people dying and I am getting angry. I forget what stage that is in the grieving process but anger is what I feel. So many sick and so many afraid of getting medical attention. The Sangoma sounds better to them, it is all they've known, all they've heard to trust in. A sangoma is a witch doctor by the way. We went to see this tiny little baby in Cork, a community by Hazyview. The baby was 9 months old and is skin and bones. He probably has meningitis, he also probably is HIV + by the looks of him. There are bumps all over this fragile little body and scabs behind both ears that the flies loved to feast on. I was disgusted, wanted to give him a bath and then kidnap him and take him to the Doctor's. He kept crying, the mother was desperate. We told her her baby would die if she didn't take him to the Doctors and she just got up and walked away. She knows...but she is filled with fear. Cork is a community that began as the place to send the bad Sangomas. The community is filled with oppression and it can appear to be completely hopeless.
On the flip side, after I spent part of my weekend in Cork we went to another Town near the Mozambican border and spent the night at a Hunting Reserve. I was in a movie...or maybe it just felt like i was in a movie. We dined by fireside, they served Impala sausages and chicken...you can guess what I ate. These men are serious hunters...serious. They live to kill and their den spoke volumes with the Elephant heads, stuffed LIONS, giraffe heads, and more hung all around the walls. They had Elephant stools which meant that they had used the foot of an elephant to make a stool...disgusting. Our Chalet had an Elephant trunk mounted to a wooden plate standing on the floor...you may not understand what the purpose was until you looked closer and saw the light bulb attachment on it...perfect lamp huh?! Wow...I was in a world that I had never enjoyed being a part of with all the dead stuff, but it was also amazing. Our chalet had a thatched roof and smelled like the hay on my grandparents farm. When I went to the main lodge in the morning what was standing there to greet me but a baby giraffe getting his breakfast out of a bottle. His name is Stripes and he enjoys sticking his head into the kitchen to find whatever food he can scrounge up. This was a delight! New experiences every day.
I decided that I am going to Malawi as planned. Got gave me a verse in Habakkuk I think about remembering the vision God gives in order for you to run with it. It said that it might seem like God is tarrying, but just to wait, because God is faithful...and I am holding onto this and walking confidently to Malawi unless God closes the door. I am excited about going but dreading leaving my friends here behind. This might be the exact move I need though.
Please pray for my heart. I am waiting on God, and I will praise Him in this storm, I WILL...it is a choice and I choose to trust Him, I just wish I felt better. Please pray that I would have discernment, that He would give me peace about what He is doing in my life...I need some peace right now. I miss you all too much right now and love you lots! Remember to appreciate the comfortable, because when it isn't there...you miss it! :)
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