Sorry Sorry for Everything

I MISS ZAMBIA!!!! Matthew, Joe, Naomi, Ba-Paul....sorry, sorry for everything.... :)


African countries can be worlds apart, vastly different from one another. I am in a world that disappoints me. Maybe I have glorified Zambia, the people, my friends, but I am in a place right now that speaks too strongly of America, living a life a little less than meaningful, wasting time, gifts, people and I wonder if it is preparation for going home?

The city can be a land of opportunities, it can also be a land where potential goes to waste. People forget to use their imaginations and discover something else than what is offered so freely. Drinking, smoking, television...my mind seems to be shriveling when it cries to be thriving.

When do we decide to live our lives for others? I don't mean to serve others in a glorious way, but living our lives to please others, a life without intention or conviction, a life of desperation. Everything within me is fighting against this idea that my worth is dependant on another person. Why are we so afraid of being alone that we settle for being alone in the midst of people we try to please while our spirits are crushed, crying out for love and acceptance?

This really has nothing to do with Malawi and everything to do with the nature of being human. We need a Savior, someone to tell us that life has a purpose outside of ourselves, outside of everyone around us, and inside the one who is our creator and in that place we will find streams of living water to quench all that is dry and longing in us to find fulfillment.

I want something more from life than this. We are all vulnerable people and we are destroying each other. I think of that quote from a film on HIV/AIDS I watched at WOG before I came out here, the man said, "We have lost our respect for human kind." It was actually something a little longer and maybe more profound than that but when is the hurting going to stop and healing going to begin?

Just like in the states, we use other people, like paper, like something that can be thrown away when we are done. We sleep around, do reckless things without a thought for tomorrow, and luckily our consequences aren't as bad as they could be. But, I've been told that over 80% of American's have an STD. I think then of Africa, the same happens here you know. Kids are still being reckless, drinking and sleeping around, waiting to be convinced that this life has more to offer, but instead of Herpes they exchange HIV. We are all the same, but some have better chances than others.

Right now I am just disappointed. We know that consequences are real, but why doesn't that knowledge change our actions? Knowledge is only power when we use it, otherwise it is just a waste of space.