Some of you may not know that I have started a new blog since I've been home. If you click on my profile you can check it out under With Her Own Wings.
I go to Italy soon...one week to be exact, and I am very excited! :) Make sure to keep in touch!
8.28.2008
4.09.2008
Today
Today my mother said she was "getting into a swoop", but she meant to say she was "getting into a slump" I laughed
My mother also looked at me while we were having one of our frequent and funny arguements, she put her hands together and formed them into that typical W-shape meaning "whatever" and placed them on her forehead. "Ummm, Mom, that is what you do for the L-shape, not the W-shape...."
Today I also brought an old guitar into a music shop to get it re-strung and tuned cause I am going to learn how to play and probably become famous...
And, today I am hoping that someone calls me to give me a job, or at least an interview, so phone, go ahead and ring!
My mother also looked at me while we were having one of our frequent and funny arguements, she put her hands together and formed them into that typical W-shape meaning "whatever" and placed them on her forehead. "Ummm, Mom, that is what you do for the L-shape, not the W-shape...."
Today I also brought an old guitar into a music shop to get it re-strung and tuned cause I am going to learn how to play and probably become famous...
And, today I am hoping that someone calls me to give me a job, or at least an interview, so phone, go ahead and ring!
4.06.2008
Passion
Passion is a word that I love to be associated with. I think I've always wanted to live a life of passion and when asked I would never stray from that desire, but right now I'm feel a little less than passionate. Today my pastor spoke about Passion, about living big, and I loved it.
Life is meant to be lived you know?! And because right now everything is up in the air I have found myself feeling much more comfortable hiding away under the covers, it's safe there, miserable, but safe.
I've been struggling, feeling a bit depressed, afraid, unavailable, and chaotic in the doldrums of my life, the thoughts in my head.
The message was about David from the Bible. I like hearing about David because I relate to him. He lived his life with passion, he was emotional, he loved, hated, experienced joy unthinkable, sorrow unknown, and yet, he was a man after God's own heart. The last part of this is music to my ears because I think God enjoyed his passion. I'd like to believe that God enjoys mine as well.
Today I am making that choice again, and may have to make it tomorrow and the next day as well to pick myself up, face the world, and not let the chaos and unknown paralyze me. It may not look like I think it should, but this is life, another day of the adventure, and it hit me today that this may actually be a bigger challenge than Zambia. This may be the place now where Faith and Trust are necessary to face the day and believe that God is still good, he is still present, and He has a plan for all of this.
Strange how everything flips around when we aren't watching. and now I am in an old and unfamiliar land that I have never been before, and God is asking me to trust him....
Life is meant to be lived you know?! And because right now everything is up in the air I have found myself feeling much more comfortable hiding away under the covers, it's safe there, miserable, but safe.
I've been struggling, feeling a bit depressed, afraid, unavailable, and chaotic in the doldrums of my life, the thoughts in my head.
The message was about David from the Bible. I like hearing about David because I relate to him. He lived his life with passion, he was emotional, he loved, hated, experienced joy unthinkable, sorrow unknown, and yet, he was a man after God's own heart. The last part of this is music to my ears because I think God enjoyed his passion. I'd like to believe that God enjoys mine as well.
Today I am making that choice again, and may have to make it tomorrow and the next day as well to pick myself up, face the world, and not let the chaos and unknown paralyze me. It may not look like I think it should, but this is life, another day of the adventure, and it hit me today that this may actually be a bigger challenge than Zambia. This may be the place now where Faith and Trust are necessary to face the day and believe that God is still good, he is still present, and He has a plan for all of this.
Strange how everything flips around when we aren't watching. and now I am in an old and unfamiliar land that I have never been before, and God is asking me to trust him....
4.03.2008
News Flash
I and my mother just wanted you all to know that my mother is aging very quickly...at an abnormally fast rate
Please be alarmed
She is looking so old that she may say she has serious memory loss
She is looking so old that many still ask if she is my sister
She is looking so old that men will turn their heads to stare as she walks by
She is looking so old that in Zambia they called me FAT in comparison to her and shook their heads at me
There are many other reasons why she is aging very quickly: she always tells people she IS the age she will turn the next year, there is also this thing where she doesn't look like she is 25 which means she is REALLY old...
So please, anyone who knows my mother, please have compassion on her in her old and frail age and do your best to just support and encourage her. Actually, maybe I am the one who needs the support...yeah, I think that might be the best in this current situation we are in. Support me, okay? Because I am having to take care of her in her senility, and it's getting pretty rough...
Please be alarmed
She is looking so old that she may say she has serious memory loss
She is looking so old that many still ask if she is my sister
She is looking so old that men will turn their heads to stare as she walks by
She is looking so old that in Zambia they called me FAT in comparison to her and shook their heads at me
There are many other reasons why she is aging very quickly: she always tells people she IS the age she will turn the next year, there is also this thing where she doesn't look like she is 25 which means she is REALLY old...
So please, anyone who knows my mother, please have compassion on her in her old and frail age and do your best to just support and encourage her. Actually, maybe I am the one who needs the support...yeah, I think that might be the best in this current situation we are in. Support me, okay? Because I am having to take care of her in her senility, and it's getting pretty rough...
3.07.2008
Listening
Maybe it's time for me to write a blog entry?
Talking I think is overrated....I've been doing a lot of talking lately, lots of people want to listen to stories and wisdom I've gained and as I talk, hoping that my words will somehow hold a weight beyond myself, I realize exactly that...it is beyond myself, and I would rather just be listening.
I think part of it is an insecurity on my part. I would rather listen to you than have to speak and hope I sound interesting or believe you actually want to hear what I am trying to say. But another new part of it all is the realization that I have really nothing to say that sounds any good to me any more. I am tired of hearing myself try to explain how to effectively meet the needs of my friends in Africa. How do I know? I love Africa, I love my friends and family there....I can tell you about that, I can tell you about my experience and what I saw, but I haven't even begun to process through everything. The realities, the consequences, the solutions...I'm not there yet, and somehow I feel like I am trying to be smarter than I am when I try to answer questions like these.
Am I being lazy? Maybe this is avoidance? I'm just not sure yet. But what I do know is that listening is a pretty good idea. Listening points towards learning, and then maybe something could change or an impact could be made...but really, just listening is good, all on it's own.
I'll be working on Haiku's....this is my first one since i finally looked up the definition of syllables:
weight is too heavy
seemingly words are too light
Echoing canyon
Talking I think is overrated....I've been doing a lot of talking lately, lots of people want to listen to stories and wisdom I've gained and as I talk, hoping that my words will somehow hold a weight beyond myself, I realize exactly that...it is beyond myself, and I would rather just be listening.
I think part of it is an insecurity on my part. I would rather listen to you than have to speak and hope I sound interesting or believe you actually want to hear what I am trying to say. But another new part of it all is the realization that I have really nothing to say that sounds any good to me any more. I am tired of hearing myself try to explain how to effectively meet the needs of my friends in Africa. How do I know? I love Africa, I love my friends and family there....I can tell you about that, I can tell you about my experience and what I saw, but I haven't even begun to process through everything. The realities, the consequences, the solutions...I'm not there yet, and somehow I feel like I am trying to be smarter than I am when I try to answer questions like these.
Am I being lazy? Maybe this is avoidance? I'm just not sure yet. But what I do know is that listening is a pretty good idea. Listening points towards learning, and then maybe something could change or an impact could be made...but really, just listening is good, all on it's own.
I'll be working on Haiku's....this is my first one since i finally looked up the definition of syllables:
weight is too heavy
seemingly words are too light
Echoing canyon
2.27.2008
Hours
I went to bed exhausted around 11:30pm after meeting up with my closest friends last night, I had to party like a young person you know? (imagine me sitting with my elbows on the coffee table, chin resting on my palms to keep my head up, eyes half closed, yawning every 5 minutes or so...that's the kind of party I'm doing these days)
I thought I wouldn't be effected by Jet Lag, but here I am, only 3 hours of sleep and I am wide awake at 3am wondering when everyone else will get up so I can make more noise or have some company...might have to wait a couple more hours for that wish to come true.
I feel like i need to apologize, I have a bad attitude. I've been feeling resistant to coming home, negative about the States. I feel like it is easier for me to say something critical rather than just enjoying my time here, and I'm sorry. I keep thinking of how God wants obedience from us, from me, and I wonder if it is still considered obedience if you complain the whole way?
I'm reading a book called The Lineage of Grace, by Francine Rivers. The book covers the stories of 5 women in the bible and expands on them, it's fiction and pretty light reading, I wanted something light, but I've been feeling convicted while reading the story of Rahab. The Israelites did what they were told for the most part but they complained all the way through the wilderness, even as God continued to meet their every need, they complained. And isn't that why they never got to see the promised land? Complaining is my pride and my lack of faith combined I think. Somehow I think I have a better plan, that God must not know what he's doing, and somehow I've got things a little more figured out...and i know it's wrong, I'm wrong.
My desire is to trust with a faith that is strong and knows whom it has believed, and is convinced that He is able to keep that which I've committed to Him until that day. But I'm finding it difficult to release my plans and desires and just trust...Why is it difficult to believe that as God is love, He won't do anything to harm me but that He has plans to bring hope and a future? He's only been faithful and true so far....I have no reason to believe He would change now
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I thought I wouldn't be effected by Jet Lag, but here I am, only 3 hours of sleep and I am wide awake at 3am wondering when everyone else will get up so I can make more noise or have some company...might have to wait a couple more hours for that wish to come true.
I feel like i need to apologize, I have a bad attitude. I've been feeling resistant to coming home, negative about the States. I feel like it is easier for me to say something critical rather than just enjoying my time here, and I'm sorry. I keep thinking of how God wants obedience from us, from me, and I wonder if it is still considered obedience if you complain the whole way?
I'm reading a book called The Lineage of Grace, by Francine Rivers. The book covers the stories of 5 women in the bible and expands on them, it's fiction and pretty light reading, I wanted something light, but I've been feeling convicted while reading the story of Rahab. The Israelites did what they were told for the most part but they complained all the way through the wilderness, even as God continued to meet their every need, they complained. And isn't that why they never got to see the promised land? Complaining is my pride and my lack of faith combined I think. Somehow I think I have a better plan, that God must not know what he's doing, and somehow I've got things a little more figured out...and i know it's wrong, I'm wrong.
My desire is to trust with a faith that is strong and knows whom it has believed, and is convinced that He is able to keep that which I've committed to Him until that day. But I'm finding it difficult to release my plans and desires and just trust...Why is it difficult to believe that as God is love, He won't do anything to harm me but that He has plans to bring hope and a future? He's only been faithful and true so far....I have no reason to believe He would change now
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
2.26.2008
Noticing
Im home...in good ole Arizona....its strange to be home but still feel a bit like you're not home really. I mean, this will always be home, my house, my family...but not where I unpack and just relax...not yet at least.
Shorts and t-shirts in the winter, one of the things I noticed when we arrived at the airport, I also was amazed at the width of our street as we were driving to our house, it's massive! Another interesting thing, the toilet bowls here have a LOT of water in them!!! I thought it was overflowing but it wasn't, just "normal". I love how everything smells good at my mom's house, like candles have been burning all the time or something. The house is like a palace to me, not because of it's size, but the shiny tiles, clean walls and high fluffy beds...I'm a princess right now.
Im smelling everything and it all smells so nice! I went to Fry's to get some coffee today, holy choices!!! Do you know how many kinds of Chai Tea there are?????
Shorts and t-shirts in the winter, one of the things I noticed when we arrived at the airport, I also was amazed at the width of our street as we were driving to our house, it's massive! Another interesting thing, the toilet bowls here have a LOT of water in them!!! I thought it was overflowing but it wasn't, just "normal". I love how everything smells good at my mom's house, like candles have been burning all the time or something. The house is like a palace to me, not because of it's size, but the shiny tiles, clean walls and high fluffy beds...I'm a princess right now.
Im smelling everything and it all smells so nice! I went to Fry's to get some coffee today, holy choices!!! Do you know how many kinds of Chai Tea there are?????
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