I went to bed exhausted around 11:30pm after meeting up with my closest friends last night, I had to party like a young person you know? (imagine me sitting with my elbows on the coffee table, chin resting on my palms to keep my head up, eyes half closed, yawning every 5 minutes or so...that's the kind of party I'm doing these days)
I thought I wouldn't be effected by Jet Lag, but here I am, only 3 hours of sleep and I am wide awake at 3am wondering when everyone else will get up so I can make more noise or have some company...might have to wait a couple more hours for that wish to come true.
I feel like i need to apologize, I have a bad attitude. I've been feeling resistant to coming home, negative about the States. I feel like it is easier for me to say something critical rather than just enjoying my time here, and I'm sorry. I keep thinking of how God wants obedience from us, from me, and I wonder if it is still considered obedience if you complain the whole way?
I'm reading a book called The Lineage of Grace, by Francine Rivers. The book covers the stories of 5 women in the bible and expands on them, it's fiction and pretty light reading, I wanted something light, but I've been feeling convicted while reading the story of Rahab. The Israelites did what they were told for the most part but they complained all the way through the wilderness, even as God continued to meet their every need, they complained. And isn't that why they never got to see the promised land? Complaining is my pride and my lack of faith combined I think. Somehow I think I have a better plan, that God must not know what he's doing, and somehow I've got things a little more figured out...and i know it's wrong, I'm wrong.
My desire is to trust with a faith that is strong and knows whom it has believed, and is convinced that He is able to keep that which I've committed to Him until that day. But I'm finding it difficult to release my plans and desires and just trust...Why is it difficult to believe that as God is love, He won't do anything to harm me but that He has plans to bring hope and a future? He's only been faithful and true so far....I have no reason to believe He would change now
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
2.27.2008
2.26.2008
Noticing
Im home...in good ole Arizona....its strange to be home but still feel a bit like you're not home really. I mean, this will always be home, my house, my family...but not where I unpack and just relax...not yet at least.
Shorts and t-shirts in the winter, one of the things I noticed when we arrived at the airport, I also was amazed at the width of our street as we were driving to our house, it's massive! Another interesting thing, the toilet bowls here have a LOT of water in them!!! I thought it was overflowing but it wasn't, just "normal". I love how everything smells good at my mom's house, like candles have been burning all the time or something. The house is like a palace to me, not because of it's size, but the shiny tiles, clean walls and high fluffy beds...I'm a princess right now.
Im smelling everything and it all smells so nice! I went to Fry's to get some coffee today, holy choices!!! Do you know how many kinds of Chai Tea there are?????
Shorts and t-shirts in the winter, one of the things I noticed when we arrived at the airport, I also was amazed at the width of our street as we were driving to our house, it's massive! Another interesting thing, the toilet bowls here have a LOT of water in them!!! I thought it was overflowing but it wasn't, just "normal". I love how everything smells good at my mom's house, like candles have been burning all the time or something. The house is like a palace to me, not because of it's size, but the shiny tiles, clean walls and high fluffy beds...I'm a princess right now.
Im smelling everything and it all smells so nice! I went to Fry's to get some coffee today, holy choices!!! Do you know how many kinds of Chai Tea there are?????
Remembering
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Ginny Owen
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Ginny Owen
2.16.2008
Pictures
Lana and I in Venice, my Valentine. Having a typical Italian breakfast, coffee and Pastry...
See all the Gondola's behind me? I was too cheap to ride one, so I thought a picture would do!
a bird is on my head...but it's Italy, so it's okay...2.13.2008
Africans...in Italy
Italy was not just a random idea, not just a holiday, but an area of opportunity...for lots of things
I've been talking today to the family I am staying with, the Krause's, many of you may know them. They are missionaries out here as well as a couple I used to look up to as a child. It's funny to trade stories together, theirs coming from teenage/adult perspectives and mine coming from the mere 9 year old I was when my father was their teacher. Funny!
They work with many West Africans and are hoping to develop more of a outreach for them here, and that is why I am here (well, and for good gelato and pizza). I've heard a lot, much more to hear and see but I am excited about what they are doing.
I feel like the world is opening up and, although exciting it is a bit daunting. I love the cultures, the languages, the atmospheres. Adventure knocks, has been knocking, and I hope continues to knock at my door, reminding me of the big smallness of this place called earth. I think there is a lot to be prayed about, direction to be received, and faith to be placed in and before God. Continue to pray for my future, for the decisions and my ability to hear God through the excitement of it all.
Rob and Sandy are great and it has been fun to have someone to trade sarcasm with that actually get's it.
I've been talking today to the family I am staying with, the Krause's, many of you may know them. They are missionaries out here as well as a couple I used to look up to as a child. It's funny to trade stories together, theirs coming from teenage/adult perspectives and mine coming from the mere 9 year old I was when my father was their teacher. Funny!
They work with many West Africans and are hoping to develop more of a outreach for them here, and that is why I am here (well, and for good gelato and pizza). I've heard a lot, much more to hear and see but I am excited about what they are doing.
I feel like the world is opening up and, although exciting it is a bit daunting. I love the cultures, the languages, the atmospheres. Adventure knocks, has been knocking, and I hope continues to knock at my door, reminding me of the big smallness of this place called earth. I think there is a lot to be prayed about, direction to be received, and faith to be placed in and before God. Continue to pray for my future, for the decisions and my ability to hear God through the excitement of it all.
Rob and Sandy are great and it has been fun to have someone to trade sarcasm with that actually get's it.
2.12.2008
Italiano
Italy is a breath of fresh air. The atmosphere is cool and the wind cuts through my clothes and onto my skin where it leaves a mark with goose bumps, instant energy
We took a late night walk = after 7pm for me (call me grandma from now on)
I was cold
We ate Gelato
(this time that had to be a haiku right?!)
God is basically amazing to have created so much to wonder and marvel at, the world is beautiful!
We took a late night walk = after 7pm for me (call me grandma from now on)
I was cold
We ate Gelato
(this time that had to be a haiku right?!)
God is basically amazing to have created so much to wonder and marvel at, the world is beautiful!
In Transit
Here I sit in Dubai...on my way to Italy for a week or so...
I had a great time with the Zak's and found myself amazed at the blessings of God.
On sunday we went to pick up a few people living on the streets, we were going to take them to church so I went with Kevin (the dad) and headed into downtown Pretoria. I was shocked when we arrived at our destination. A full sized matress on the sidewalk surrounded by a short wall created by cardboard boxes made up the house for two small boys running around the cement chasing loose papers and kicking a plastic bottle. They were 5 and 3, mom had left them alone there while she went with her 1 1/2 year old little girl and 2 month old little boy to wash up for the day. I played with the boys while we waited for the mother to return. We were picking up some men as well, two from Kenya, fled the country due to the most recent political strife, one man from Somalia, and another from Ethiopia. They live in the same place and have created their own make-shift family with these children and mother of the four.
I struggled with what my responsibility was as I sat in front of church holding the sleeping little girl in my arms and watching her brothers run in the grass. The smell of her warm hair made me want to snuggle her in my arms forever. They need to be protected.
In church I watched as each of the adults we brought fell asleep and I wanted to cry, not because they were missing a wonderful message, no. I wanted to cry because I felt the exhaustion seeping out of them. I wondered what kind of sleep they got on the streets with four small children. I wondered how often they were able to sit on a cushioned seat in an air-conditioned room and be allowed to stay for a while. I was glad they had the chance to rest even if that was all they received from the service, it might have been just what they needed.
In the evening I went to the church that the Zak's have started in one of the surrounding villages. It was my last night in Africa and a perfect one. The car broke down so we walked the 2.5km to the church. I sang my favorite South African song in the church and felt very at home to be surrounded by local praise music and foreign languages all around me. I appreciate the true african culture and songs and I was missing the African feel to things being surrounded by so many white people...I know whites are part of Africa too, but please understand what I am trying to say. I loved it,the service, the long testimonies, the random singing for the Lord.
We walked home in the dark and I was hand in hand with Gift, a little boy who just had his 6th birthday. It was a sweet time as we walked. He asked his mother questions in Swana. he wanted to know all about the moon, was there only one or a lot of them. Why is it following us? Why is it running away from us? I wanted to hold onto the sweetness in his voice, his small swana speaking... It was a perfect night, don't know if I can really make sense of it as I write.
Lots of thoughts and memories swirling through my head...
I had a great time with the Zak's and found myself amazed at the blessings of God.
On sunday we went to pick up a few people living on the streets, we were going to take them to church so I went with Kevin (the dad) and headed into downtown Pretoria. I was shocked when we arrived at our destination. A full sized matress on the sidewalk surrounded by a short wall created by cardboard boxes made up the house for two small boys running around the cement chasing loose papers and kicking a plastic bottle. They were 5 and 3, mom had left them alone there while she went with her 1 1/2 year old little girl and 2 month old little boy to wash up for the day. I played with the boys while we waited for the mother to return. We were picking up some men as well, two from Kenya, fled the country due to the most recent political strife, one man from Somalia, and another from Ethiopia. They live in the same place and have created their own make-shift family with these children and mother of the four.
I struggled with what my responsibility was as I sat in front of church holding the sleeping little girl in my arms and watching her brothers run in the grass. The smell of her warm hair made me want to snuggle her in my arms forever. They need to be protected.
In church I watched as each of the adults we brought fell asleep and I wanted to cry, not because they were missing a wonderful message, no. I wanted to cry because I felt the exhaustion seeping out of them. I wondered what kind of sleep they got on the streets with four small children. I wondered how often they were able to sit on a cushioned seat in an air-conditioned room and be allowed to stay for a while. I was glad they had the chance to rest even if that was all they received from the service, it might have been just what they needed.
In the evening I went to the church that the Zak's have started in one of the surrounding villages. It was my last night in Africa and a perfect one. The car broke down so we walked the 2.5km to the church. I sang my favorite South African song in the church and felt very at home to be surrounded by local praise music and foreign languages all around me. I appreciate the true african culture and songs and I was missing the African feel to things being surrounded by so many white people...I know whites are part of Africa too, but please understand what I am trying to say. I loved it,the service, the long testimonies, the random singing for the Lord.
We walked home in the dark and I was hand in hand with Gift, a little boy who just had his 6th birthday. It was a sweet time as we walked. He asked his mother questions in Swana. he wanted to know all about the moon, was there only one or a lot of them. Why is it following us? Why is it running away from us? I wanted to hold onto the sweetness in his voice, his small swana speaking... It was a perfect night, don't know if I can really make sense of it as I write.
Lots of thoughts and memories swirling through my head...
2.07.2008
Blessings upon blessings
I am having a great time with the Zak's here in Pretoria. It has been such a great time to de-stress and have some time with God. Even with the 7 children that are at the house it's quiet and I've been able to think.
I have been thinking a lot of the great blessings God has given me, this whole past year - I will cherish it forever...
I have been thinking a lot of the great blessings God has given me, this whole past year - I will cherish it forever...
2.05.2008
Breathing
Its good to get a chance to just relax...I am taking that time now. It's exciting to look toward the future and know that something new is about to come my way. Every stop I have made since leaving Zambia has sparked something inside of me, opportunity.
I went to a true South Africa restaurant yesterday and ate Crocodile and Ostrich along with all sorts of other exotic animals. I tried to just block out their names and try a bit of everything. Funny to think how I didn't touch meat three years ago and now I am back to being Carnivoricious. I'm sorry Sheena if you are reading this...you'd do it too if you were here! :)
I will leave South Africa next Monday I believe, still need to buy a ticket and that is why I don't sound sure of my departure date. I will keep you updated...
I am learning how to see myself beyond other people's views or expectations of me. I am learning how to be comfortable in obscurity and anonymity. I had some difficult meetings this last week, I had to say some difficult things and had to hear some as well. I stretched beyond the immediate. I am trying to remember that life isn't just what is before me...truth isn't either. I am learning to take what I hear with a grain or two of salt and keep on breathing...
I went to a true South Africa restaurant yesterday and ate Crocodile and Ostrich along with all sorts of other exotic animals. I tried to just block out their names and try a bit of everything. Funny to think how I didn't touch meat three years ago and now I am back to being Carnivoricious. I'm sorry Sheena if you are reading this...you'd do it too if you were here! :)
I will leave South Africa next Monday I believe, still need to buy a ticket and that is why I don't sound sure of my departure date. I will keep you updated...
I am learning how to see myself beyond other people's views or expectations of me. I am learning how to be comfortable in obscurity and anonymity. I had some difficult meetings this last week, I had to say some difficult things and had to hear some as well. I stretched beyond the immediate. I am trying to remember that life isn't just what is before me...truth isn't either. I am learning to take what I hear with a grain or two of salt and keep on breathing...
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