Up and then down

So much has happened since I arrived back home in Roan. I can't begin to explain the range of emotions flowing through me, fear, insecurity, sadness, and a bit of defeat...please pray for me that I would have an open heart for all that lies ahead of me. A forgiving heart for all that lies behind, and a hopeful heart to see God is in control from the beginning to the end.

A new girl from Footprints has joined me in my house today, her name is Natalie. She is young and fun and I truly pray that we will have a great time together during the month and a bit we are together before I make my journey homeward. It feels as though things are ending quickly and I don't like it. I have been alone here in Roan for so long and now there is someone new, and I feel as though my time here is coming to conclusion. I know everyone back home is eager to have me home but I feel a heaviness in my heart. I don't want it to feel good to go home, but I almost feel pushed out, you know, like when a younger person comes in to head the company you have been working for for a million years, like where is my place? I feel things too deeply, make them bigger than needed at times, just bear with me. But, there are things flowing through me that have brought me to a bad place. The enemy only desires to kill and destroy, and I can see how he desires to stain the end of my time here in Zambia and I am in a war to fight the lies, the feelings, and hold on to the Truth of God and be real. There is a wound inside of me, a deep one, and from time to time I see clearly as though I am looking at it in the mirror, and I am surprised that I am still protesting, that it hasn't been healed yet. I wanted God to change me, to rid me of all the ugliness in me. I hoped I would be perfected while here in Zambia :) silly maybe, but I had a hope that it would happen. Sadly, I am still a flawed human being, needing to reach out to her Savior for a refuge. Just pray for me, that I would be filled with Love and not anger or fear.

News:
I have had one serious proposal since I have been back in Roan, marriage was due to occur next July, all without my acceptance or belief that it was in earnest. We have settled on just being friends :) Funny adventures.

Mom said you wanted to know what I did for Thanksgiving...it was a funny day actually. I forget about the American holiday's until mom reminds me that this is Christmas time or something like that. It is hot here, no decorations, no one to remind me that a day is approaching that has significance somewhere...I am disconnected to these days here in Africa. But, I wanted to do something, so I decided to make Pumpkin pie from scratch. Mom sent alone a recipe with JR but when I was at the grocery store I forgot what a pumpkin looked like, so I bought a oval green one. I realized my mistake once returning home but heard from a friend that Butternut squash works well, so I used that instead. About 30 minutes into my baking the electricity went out in the house so I decided to keep the pie in the oven and let it go until the electricity came back. I was happy and relieved to find the pie was fully cooked and delicious in the end.

The day after thanksgiving my friends in Masaiti, a neighboring area, invited me over for real thanksgiving dinner, but when we arrived at their place we found their electricity had been out for over half the day. We waited to see if it would come back and then by 7pm decided that we would exchange our roasted chicken for a nice Indian dinner at our one and only restaurant in town. It was fun, spicy, and typical for Africa. We did get together again on Sunday and had our roasted chicken, green bean casserole made with only real onions, not those canned ones, and mashed potatoes made with soured milk, a result of the lost electricity. Nothing was wasted, all was delicious and appreciated, especially the pumpkin pie for dessert. :)

Back Home

I think for the first time in my life a small town isn't scaring me, but bringing peace. I have missed Zambia and when I think of leaving my family here I begin to feel heartsick. My journey home was an adventure to say the least. I did in fact travel with people I sorta knew, so I wasn't being reckless or unsafe, but the journey was still quite the experience.



Brooke dropped me off at the Zimbabwean border where a man named Farai picked me up and took me to Mutari while trying to convince me to have a white wedding with him. I met the family of the Zambian girl who just was married at the train station in Mutari and waited for the overnight train to set off. We booked a sleeper car but it should have been called a freezing cold bruiser car. The window wouldn't go up so we were blasted with cold air the whole night. They don't provide blankets or anything and I didn't know I needed any so...I froze. The beds were hard and uncomfortable. I think I have bruises from the bed. Couldn't even think of using the toilet it was so disgusting...I suffered... :)



We arrived in Harare early in the morning and took a taxi to the bus station where we boarded a 10 hour bus from harare to Lusaka, in Zambia. By this time I beginning to feel sick and not looking forward to the long journey but we made it without too many strange things happening except for a very suspicious sausage that against my better judgement I had a bit of....this may have been a leading contributor to my sour stomach for the next few days up to today.



Okay, so I am home, and feeling good about the next few weeks. I may only be in Zambia for 6 more weeks until I will be leaving, going back to Malawi for a bit before I make my journey home. I plan to go back to South Africa in February to do my de-briefing and then homeward bound.



I just lost all of my writing juices so I will write more later when I get a chance. Thanks to all for the prayers for my time...it was really wonderfuL!

Where in the world is the African Daesy???

...Mozambique...





Another country, another experience, another world. Mozambique is very different from Zambia and Malawi...to me it is South American, but they are African. The language spoken here is Portuguese so I understand a whole lot more than usual and I want to speak in Spanish everywhere I go.



I am here visiting my friend Brooke at another Hands@Work location. Brooke is amazing to me in all that she is doing and I have to fight those critical thoughts that bring me to wishing I could have done more of what she is doing. Since the moment I arrived we have been busy. Planning for a Zambian wedding in Mozambique is quite the adventure. Brooke's current roommate is Zambian and is marrying a guy from here and is in the wedding, so I have been part of that drama a bit. Plus Brooke still has her daily work. Monday she goes to the Hospital and prays for patients, Tuesday we went out on Home Based Care where I served as pharmacist and loved it. You know, I would really love to be a nurse...if that whole problem of blacking out whenever someone gets hurt would just go away I think I would be a great nurse! :) But she is wonderful and does her work well. I couldn't help but admire her and feel very happy to dole out the meds to everyone.



Is "Dole" a word?? Hmmmm...



Anyway, Wednesday was our "day off" so we first took a walk to a little water fall on the land of the mission and hiked our way around it. Through a mango orchard and into the bush, it was a beautiful and surreal walk through Africa. I saw a very vibrant green skinny snake bounce ahead of us and felt death approaching. I hate snakes! Once we got to the falls we were overwhelmed with the high pitched noise of the bugs around the water. I am not very excited about the massive number of bugs that inhabit Mozambique...its grossing me out! After the falls we went to the baby clinic and another health clinic and then to "art practice". I wasn't too thrilled with the teachers assignment for me so I escaped outside and worked on some tile pieces. Then we went to another village in the bush where Brooke had been asked to talk at the church. After she spoke the community said they wanted to hear whether my voice was high or low and asked me to speak to them. I continued on with her encouragement briefly and was happy that I was able to speak a bit to them.


Thursday we went out on Home Based Care again and then into town for a glorious lunch of pizza (which I haven't had a decent slice in over 4 months). We did a little shopping and then drove home in time for Brooke to attend yet another dance practice for the wedding. Friday was a great day in the bush, hiking up and down the hillsides of Mozambique which should more appropriately be called massive ant hills. We were treated to a snack of unripened litchi's and banana's...it was glorious. We ate lunch with the volunteers, beans and rice, and I enjoyed that thoroughly as well. Saturday was the wedding and a very busy day.

Anyone who prays for a dry wedding should re-consider...The wedding was pretty, and dry, but the reception was the highlight of the day. It poured! We all sat eating under a cloth tent and as it began to rain we were refreshed with the mist that made it's way through the cloth. But as the rain continued and the cloth became soaked the water came pouring in. My paper plate was now flattened to the table, my food a little more watery than when it came, I was completely soaked...we all were. And yet, we all just sat there smiling, still eating our food calmly. We put drank our Coke from glass bottles and let the rain hit our faces. It should have been a commercial. It was great!

Tony

Zimbabwe is actually quite surprising. The airport itself was luxury - clean, big...toilet paper! I walked up a marble staircase as I entered the airport. The place was empty except for our little plan that just arrived. On the flight I felt like I was in another world, vertigo perhaps? I felt weightless and dizzy.

This is a different place altogether; it's beautiful. The houses are big and beautiful as we drive out of Harare, but maybe that is to be expected of the capital city? It's sunday so I see lots of white robed people walking and groups of them sitting in the grass listening to the one who stands.

Lots of dark wood trees with vibrant green leaves, my favorite combination. Big rock structures randomly placed by God in the middle of fields and forest areas bring delight to my eyes. I love everything I see. The thatching of roofs in Africa must come from this place. Even the round mud huts here have glorious roofs!

Tony is a white Zimbabwean. He drives a flashy red sports car and smokes. My head presses against the roof of his car as he drives. His eyes are gorgeous blue and he speaks a big effeminately. He says that Zimbabwe is all about connections now. The political strife has caused the people to join together and rise in resilience.

Resilient...that is the word those on my flight used to describe themselves as we rode on the bus from the plane to the airport. Each of them carrying bags of flour, rice, and one lady with a cool box full of meat. They've decided to fight, to thrive regardless of their struggles, regardless of their leader. I admire them.

They have rock gardens here, filled with rock statues, beautiful, smooth figures protruding from rough stone roots. Shirtless men sit, sweating, forming, chiseling, polishing, creating. The richness and effort invigorates me.

Tony was mugged last night. He has a nice sized cut on his head and a bruised face. The guys punched him repeatedly until he went down and then took his cash.

Land of contrasts, Oh Africa, you contradict yourself. I see now that the dark wood bark is actually burnt wood bark. The tree survives with it's rich green, chooses to thrive.

a day in Malawi

A wagon rolls by, two cows yoked as a man whips them, spurring them to go faster. Pigs graze to my left, to my right a tree serving as a parking lot for bicycles enjoying it's shade. In front of me i see we are gathered under a shelter made with wooden poles and covered with grass straw. The leaders of the community are facing me, chiefs, coordinators.... They're here as a community to move forward, to make decisions together...as a family. Babies sucking at their mother's breast are uninterested, children look at me, the azungu, expectantly. Teens are here, young adults, parents, and gogo's. Women and children sitting in front in typical "L" shape, men in the back, to my surprise, sitting with their arms wrapped around their knees. The wind blows softly through the leaves of the talking trees. Behind me a child pumps water from the borehole for another child needing a drink.

Toothless

She climbed into the back of the bus, bench nearest the front seat.

"You can see how clean my feet are 'cause now I have soap"

She lifts up her foot, well worn flip flop in hand so as to clear the way for us to see as she sits, showing the proof of her words. She smiles a big toothless smile. They call her Fatty.

Malawi...Zimbabwe, and on to Mozambique

Malawi was amazing! IN the three weeks I was there I was able to grow a fast attachment to the country and people. It was really the last week that I was able to go into the communities and see things as they normally are and I loved it. Malawi has such a rich culture.

Every day this past week I went into the bush and took pictures of the communities. We drove through the dirt roads and then sat in the midst of blowing red dirt. My baths in the evening left an outstanding red ring on the tub and stained my white wash cloth pink from the layers of dirt being washed off. It was refreshing. Being dirty for a purpose is always great. Now Christine can you see the significance of my love of dirt as a child?! Dirt has just been a part of me, I am one with the earth :)

I was sad leaving Malawi but really believe that I will go back in January for a while. ON my journey to Mozambique a necessary pit stop in Zimbabwe was in order so here I sit in Harare, Zimbabwe, preparing to leave by car with a man named Tony for the boarder of Mozambique.

I am trying to visualize the faces of Karl and Ruth as they read this...a man named Tony???What did we tell her about this trip?! But rest assured, Tony is a friend of a friend of a friend. The life of adventure is the one for me, but I am missing Zambia and my friends there, looking forward to getting back with them.

Just a quick update, hope all is well! Love!