Greener

I was surrounded by many wise men and women these past two weeks as I have been in Malawi joining Word of Grace on a mission trip. I loved every single one of the members who came on the trip and was encouraged so much. God is good!

JR was funny with his new best friend Gary. They were the construction team and also the comedic relief for the mixture of many very serious conversations.

JR shared something with me that Gary told him that has stuck in my mind since.

"Most people think the grass is greener on the other side, but really, the grass is greener where you water it"

Simple right? But its big actually, especially for me. I have opperated out of fear for much of my life. I think I live against fear only to succumb to bigger fears. Let me see if I can explain this. I have always said that I wouldn't let fear hold me back from anything, but I am coming to see that it is also fear that keeps me moving. THis fear is one of becoming stagnant, of living a dull and lifeless existence in Arizona, of becoming like my father, my mother....the list goes on. So you may look at me and see a woman who is Courageous and who looks fear in the face as I move from country to country in Africa all by myself...but there is more to me than just these things. Motivation counts for a lot actually.

What does it mean to be content? Could I sit at the feet of Jesus and be? I move, I run, I escape. I stay for as long as it is safe to my heart, to stay protected, and I run when I fear things may become too...I don't know what...too normal maybe.

This may be a lifelong struggle for me, but my desire is to hear God's voice above the voices of fear in my head that rob me of peace and rest.

He wispers to me gently, Peace, Be Still...and in my doubt I struggle and debate to know if it was really Him to wispered these things to me...and I run, again.

I think I would like to start watering my grass where I am, to learn how to rest, to find my contentment in God, to find the value of my days when I look into the face of my Savior.

This is big for me, really big, and I hope that you would pray for me in this, it makes the difference between life and death for my future, living in freedom or fear.

Love to all and peace that passes all understanding.

P.S. MY parents are great, okay?! :)