Africa has a different standard, and it is in my favor right now. I don't know how, but people think I am beautiful with this crazy head of hair I have...I might never understand it. My head itches so badly I am reminded of those horrible days as a child when I had lice. Yuck!
When I go to sleep I have to wrap my head with a scarf to keep the braids from tearing out of my scalp. Okay, I am exaggerating but it feels like that! It felts like there was wounds all over my head, and now those wounds are healing, and as they heal, they itch, HORRIBLY! By Friday, at the latest, I am taking these babies out...maybe by tomorrow. they tell me "you have to get used" Oh no, there will be no "getting used" this will not happen again!
This past weekend we had a Jubilee Conference with the church and I sang in the choir. I attracted much attention as the only white person within miles from the area on the first day. It was an interesting time. I learned some things, but was also challenged in some big ways. I don't feel comfortable with emotional churches, the screaming, the tongues, the laughter of the Lord. I don't understand these things and I can't see how a person can be fine and looking bored one moment and then the next be falling on the ground shaking. I don't like it, not one bit.
To be the only person in my group of relationships that believes in a different way is hard. I begin to doubt myself, wonder if I truly have been filled with the Holy Spirit since I don't speak in tongues or faint or do strange things. I wonder if I am missing something, maybe I have been wrong this whole time. And then the lingo that is used. Everything has the "Anointing" and we are praying "the blood of Jesus" over everything. I just hate this kind of talk. Yes, Jesus has given us all an anointing - and the blood of Jesus is what makes everything possible...but, I am just not impressed with something here. I'm sorry I am talking about this, maybe I need to keep it inside, but I really struggle with this, I don't get it.
I've decided to read through the book of Acts. The Holy Spirits power permeates through this book and I want to know about it, I want to find some confidence in what I believe in so i won't be swayed by other doctrines of belief. I hate being unsure of things, but what I hate most is being unsure of my relationship with the Lord. I have nothing when my confidence wavers in Him. Pray for me in this, it is real and it is important!
The speaker at the conference said we need to go deeper, we need to do the work of getting to the depths of God and His power. We can't be lazy about our relationship with him...I have taken this to heart and am searching for answers.
I'm moving into my house today! I am excited, but feeling a little lonely. A new house, another adjustment, many more things to learn, to buy, to clean. :) Does someone want to come over and help?
Love you!
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7 comments:
I DO I DO!!!! And I have lots of experience in this area so you wouldn't even need to train me in:). Thanks for doing such a good job of sharing your joys and struggles. Then I know how to be praying for you! Sorry my emailing has been rather poor thus far... I will send one SOON. But know that I am keeping close tabs on you, dear one. I love you to bits!!!
Hey, since Ginna has let you know that you are beautiful, lets see them pictures! C'mon now, where's the grand unveiling of the daesy? Hey, love reading your posts.
Megan.... Your blog is beautiful. Eloquent. Honest. Real. We think of you often and now that I know where you "live" I will stop by more often. Your pics are also beautiful. I never knew you had such beautiful talent (photography). I need to say something about the weirdness of some "activities" in churches. Don't let it bother you. The sweetness of Jesus in you is all you need. He never asked you to do weird things. He only asks you to worship. And I don't believe that you have any problems in that dept! BTW: Sorry we didn't get to know you more when you were here. Looking back, even though we had Josiah, not making the effort is failure on my part. I'm so sorry. Keep strong! Lots of love, Liesl (& Pieter & Josiah)
Megan,
Of course you're beautiful...inside and out. Your personality radiates all that makes us human and that alone makes you a beautiful person.
Terri
Where are your PICs!!!! We want to see you. We miss you Mega. Shannon is here in my office and we have lots of questions that we want answers to. Call US!!!!!!!
We miss you.
Robert and Shannon.
Oh, PS, Ollie is Robert's little one. I post under his name...
Interesting entry here megs. Bry and I were JUST talking about speaking/tongues, fainting, etc. We just watched the movie Jesus Camp. Have u seen it? Your thoughts are pretty much my own as well. God knows everyone's heart...
love ya!
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