7.09.2007
Okay...now I need some help!!!
I can't put a title on this...I don't know why. The computer is not allowing me to reply to any emails, not allowing me to put a title in on my post either. I am going through some culture shock in a big way and feel on the edge of tears most of my time. God has blessed me with a friend, short term - for the next two weeks and I am so happy that she is here. She is from Zimbabwe and 28...and very strong. I don't know how to say what I feel without letting you all down, and that is the last thing I want to do, but I am scared, and feel like I just want to come home. I know I wrote like this when I first got to South Africa and I am hoping that this feeling will pass as it did there, but I feel SO LONELY here. I wonder who those people are that say that they will just look to God for their comfort - did they have friends around? Were they in a familiar world? Because everything is unfamiliar here, and I have nothing to lean on except for my faith which seems to be wavering right now. I am under attack, feeling like Im not going to make it and finding it difficult to believe anything else right now. This morning I was fine, last night I was okay, but oh how I am struggling right now. I hate to write home and say these things...but I wonder if this is where I am supposed to be with my small amount of faith left. The lump in my throat makes it difficult to swallow and I truly feel that I - Lord help me! I know that God made the way for me to be here, I know that He opened all the doors and I thanked him for this. THis is what I've always wanted, to be traveling, not really to be alone doing it...Being the minority is overwhelming and I feel I am getting a good picture of what others coming to America experience. Completly OVERWHELMED...God tells me He is with me, and as I write, as I process, I begin to believe this again...My weaknesses taunt me regularly, my insecurities, my doubts. I wish I could quiet the voices in my head telling me that I won't make it, that I am unable of connecting, that I will feel like this until I go running home. But No, the voice of TRUTH tells me a diferent story, the voice of truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID. Please pray for me...I need your prayers more than ever right now. Pray that I will find peace, pray that this fear will be turned to Strength, pray that I can focus on others more than myself and my insecurities will not win. AND - email, call, please let me know that you are there and I am not alone! Funny how you don't know what you have until it is gone!
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5 comments:
Megan,
I emailed Karl and he knows and is going to contact you. With God, you are one strong woman little girl and you are going to make it. God uses the weak things of the earth to confound the wise, if He used the strong the rest of us wouldn't feel useful, but through our weakness HE can use us for HIS purposes instead of us being in control. Step out, don't hide, you can do this. I love you so much and I'm giving you a huge hug and a snuggle buggle. The girls at work gave me a travel book for Africa for my birthday! Why didn't I think of that????
Love, Mom
Megan;
I do want to call. Let me know a good time.
Karl
Love You Megan!!! You are soooo strong!!! I am amazed by you!!! Miss you, and thinken bout you!!! :)
<3, Sheena
Megs, You are NOT alone. I think of you often and know you are strong. Hang in there, you will find your way, you always do :-) I wish our package would have found you...but know that we think of you and you are in my prayers. Love, Shannon
Ms. Megan sending you hugs. Was just reading Ps 28 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him". Your Mom and Dad sang a special on Sunday and it reminded me of you so much that I told them about it, unfortunately I can't remember words. Dear one, wait on the Lord and He will uphold you. Love and hugs to you.
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