Legalism

I came from legalism, I am an expert at legalism, and to be honest, I still am a legalist from time to time. I find it deep down inside my heart, when I begin to fear or my insecurities begin to compare myself to another I find solace in legalism...it is the only way for me to find myself "better" than someone else.

I hate legalism, it kills the spirit and a bunch of other things like love and mercy and grace and peace and acceptance and forgiveness and....I could go on but I think you get the point. Zambia is a Christian country. This is not praise, for when I say "Christian" I mean "Christian". When did we begin to determine ourselves better than everyone else? Why are we so afraid of love and grace? Pharisees, isn't that what we are, when we call ourselves Christians and then all we do is judge. When the words that we say have no connection to the deeds that we do? I am embarrassed and I want to apologize for we "Christians" who condemn others who are different from ourselves. We "Christians" are wrong, we are hateful, we are fearful, and we have not loved in the way Jesus would love. We look nothing like the God we proclaim and we shadow His name with lies.

I just spent a day going over Abuse with a group of people here. They are lovely people and I in no way want to put them down, but what they represent, the vicious words that are said make me shake with anger and ache with pain. We have got it all wrong you know. To condemn someone suffering as though they brought it upon themselves. To tell girls that they are at fault for the abuse of mindless, uncontrolled men who are supposed victims to a woman's beauty or appeal. How is that? Tell me how that works!

We asked the men to stand today and give a reason for their responsibility in rape...I felt I had won a bit of a war, asked a few people to think outside of their holier than thou positions and speak truth, for once, get out of those "Christian" ideals and speak the TRUTH. I was exhausted at the effort.

I have to see that the hate I feel inside is my own, my hate of myself, not of another person...we as Christians, if we dare continue to call ourselves by that name need to consider what that truly means, and step out of fear and into love...

I'm learning a lot, being challenged daily, and having to learn to love, even on my side of things instead of judge those I disagree with. It's a constant journey!