Experience

You know...I've had some experiences in this life of mine. Some good, others bad, but I have a history and a place from which I've come. I think we forget this sometimes. We begin to believe that if God has changed us, or if we are supposed to forgive, well then we can't think about what came before the forgiveness, before the changes. I think we all might fall back into our past if we choose to forget. God does things in us for us to remember Him, to look back and see where we were, the pain we experienced. These memories guide us today in choices, what hurts, what heals. We know these things from our past and yet we somehow believe that we aren't supposed to remember. Maybe I am the only one who feels that way, maybe you feel that you can remember those days you lived in complete denial of what God did in your life, you remember how you felt and the desperation inside of you and you are able to thank God for what He has done. But myself, I feel that I need to forget those days, forget that pain...it isn't really acceptable to others anyways. Many people say after hearing me share a piece of my heart, "well, I am assuming that was before you became a Christian" as though once that moment happens life somehow become easy and painless...we make all the right decisions and become something other than Human. No, sadly, I was still human after God interrupted my life and handed me something called Hope. Even with hope, even with mercy, even with grace...I still made bad decisions and lived as though God hadn't changed me...and now I bear the scars, deal with the consequences, and so I am ashamed of my past instead of looking at it and thanking God for still loving me, still being faithful, still having that enduring love that he promises. Why can't we remember the past in order to see God in it, because He was there for sure.

we had a ladies retreat last weekend that got me thinking. we focused only for a few minutes about our past experiences and how they've shaped us and it was so refreshing to be able to remember and honestly look at the past but see how God has done great work in transforming my life. God asks us to forgive, but not to forget. If we try to forget we won't be willing to accept someone else who is in the place we used to be, it won't be acceptable to us and we will judge them due to our unhealed scars and shame. No, we must remember! And it is okay if we still hurt...God came to comfort those who are broken, so it has to be okay to fall into that category!

We only had about 30 minutes to actually have a "workshop" cause all of us ladies were having fun and didn't' want to sit and listen to a lecture, but this brief time still accomplished what was needed in our lives. During the other 24 hours we were there we had some other experiences. Our birthday girl was personally kicked by the pet giraffe they have at the lodge. His name is Stripes...and he was behaving very badly! And me...my experience...well, there was this cute little baboon that they had adopted. He was only 2 months old and seriously the cutest thing ever. I bent down to pet him, named Bozo, and he began to climb up my arm so I thought I would just help him out a little bit and when I touched him he went NUTS! He bit me at least two times that left a mark of these little baboon teeth in my skin. He didn't break the skin but I sure was surprised! Naughty little monkey! But hey, who can say they've been attacked by a baby baboon??? ME!!! Jealous???