A rush of adrenaline flowed through my body and into my hands and feet as I looked at the dirt road ahead of me. Well, maybe calling it a road is a bit of an exaggeration. The terrain in front of my eyes was about half a road and half a cliff. I clenched the steering wheel, said a quick prayer, let up on the clutch, and pressed my lead foot down on the gas…success, we made it over the cliff and the girls in the car cheered for their fearless driver, Me. I tried to believe that they actually thought I was fearless but after I would make it over another bit of dreadful terrain I would look in my rear-view mirror with a face of terror and see the girls staring at my expression with laughs in their eyes. There was no way to hide it, but the encouragement never wavered. They had decided to trust in me and, that was that, I forged ahead and decided that I was going to conquer those roads or else. The cheers kept me going. The encouragement was what I needed and in the back of my mind I knew that I was doing something for someone else, and then it was all worth it. Let me tell you, I will never back away from a 4x4 adventure again, in fact, I may ask if I can be the driver…exhilarating, that is what it was, and I think I am fit to take on just about any terrain after my first few months in Africa! Watch out world, Megan is on the road!
I went to my first Rugby game on Saturday afternoon. I actually thought the game was on Friday so I sat out by the gate of the campus for almost a good hour until Vivienne called me and said, “Megan, you’ve got it all wrong, the game is tomorrow afternoon.” I had seen her earlier in the morning while I was on a run and told her my plans. I thought she gave me a strange look but it all began to make more sense after feeling ditched as the hour passed and then receiving her call. Saturday was fabulous though. I drove in with Viv and sat with a lovely couple named Mark and Shirley Tucker. Shirley is a writer and we met at church. Her husband talks at church quite often and is also a successful franchiser with Great Clips. Pretty amazing the people you can meet if you take a chance! Oh yes, and our team won! Give me a
U – P – L – A – N – D – S…What’s that spell? UPLANDS!!!! Yeeaaahhhhh!!! I loved the feeling of high school again. I am glad to be done with it all but the competition, the rivalry, I do miss those things! I had lunch with Mark and Shirl at their home after the game; it was great. I feel that I have made South Africa a second home and I feel blessed to have been adopted by many great people!
I made Tiramisu today, we’ll be having it for dessert…it looks wonderful!
Oh yes, and the most important information of all, my destination…as you can probably tell I am still in South Africa and have not been speaking much of leaving in two days. That is because I’m not. When I first came to Africa I told God that I would go anywhere, and then I proceeded to convince myself that anywhere other than Malawi was out of the question when the questions arose in my mind. Then when I was seeking God a month or so ago about where I should go I felt that God was telling me to hold on to my vision and wait for Him, so I decided to continue walking towards Malawi, but, I prayed specifically that God would close the doors to Malawi if it wasn’t His will for me to be there. It hasn’t actually been until this past week that I began to doubt my decision for Malawi. Things began to unravel and I was struggling with feelings of worry. Mike and Lindsey have decided that now is not the time for Malawi, still no news from Malawi, waiting, waiting…why did everything seem so off? I didn’t feel confident that I was even going anymore and I needed to know what was going on. My friends were already in their countries and here I sat, only confident that God did bring me here, but everything else was a cloud. The verse that comes to mind is this one, “ See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” How wonderful is it when we give God something we allow Him to have His way, His will can be done. Right now I don’t know where I am going, I think I will find out tomorrow…but I am excited to see that God is working. I was worried, holding onto Malawi because I was comfortable with the idea, excited to have Indian food readily available, excited to see teams from WOG coming every few months, excited to have friends with me for the first few weeks, excited for the package from my mother waiting for me there…but I gave this all to God. These things aren’t more important than God’s will and I am trusting that He has a bigger and better plan. He’s got to, He’s God.
So, today is tomorrow and I was able to see Karl this morning; it was nice. It is refreshing to see all the pastors here from the States. I feel like we should all be friends since we come from the same place and they know Karl…my childish mind still works like this!
Update on the Tiramisu: it was a little runny. Still delicious though! I think I am getting sick. I woke up to a sore throat, must be the freezing cold weather we’re having. You may not believe it, but it is TOTALLY cold here now! Wowzers!
I will be able to say with confidence by the end of the week where I am going. When I will go, that is another question but I have to believe that there is a purpose behind all of this waiting. It is cool to see how God works. His timing is not like our own. When we pray and ask Him to do something, watch out, cause He will. Sad how it's usually a shock when He starts moving. Pray for me, that I will grow closer to God during this time and that I will use the time to seek His face.
5.29.2007
5.22.2007
Oh my Holy Crapper Yowza...
Sometimes when you are in Africa you can be afraid of things you never even see...well, that is not true for me. I only fear the real, or at least, now I can say that because I saw my FIRST snake the other day. I am living in a new house you know, Carly's actually. When you walk into the house there is a little cement moat type thing surrounding her house and a grate over it by the door to walk in. I was standing on the grate unlocking the door and heard Ginna gasp. I stepped back and muttered the only thing my highly education mind allowed, "oh my holy crapper Yowza...that's a snake." And there he was slithering away as my skin crawled. He was about a meter long and olive green. He was probably about a silver dollar in width and absolutely gross! I don't like snakes, at all.
I found out that a snake actually crawled through the window of our old house the other day and hid out in the dresser in Brooker and my old room. I am so thankful that happened AFTER I was already gone. I am still living in denial and choosing to believe that Malawi is completely reptile free, don't try to convince me otherwise.
Today is a sad day, I am officially alone. (I am also officially a drama queen) I came here alone, true, but Farzam was here from the start. He was my buddy, my brother, my fellow emotional basket case. We bonded, we were friends. He left me today to go to the Congo. Of course I write this as though it wasn't the plan all along and as though he actually left me, not addressing the fact that he has set out on a grand adventure that God designed for him from the beginning. I find that I make everything about myself. I'm a work in process, so I can share these things with you and I am learning to accept myself anyways. So anyways, he left, brooker has been gone for a week now, and I, well, I am still in South Africa.
I've decided to make the most of my time here in the interim between SA and Malawi so I volunteered to help out with driving for the Home Based Care project. The driver is burnt out and could use a break. MaFlo, the director of Masoyi HBC asked me to drive tomorrow and Thursday and I agreed...she hasn't seen me drive and I am sure this is why she found confidence in me. It will be an adventure to say the least. An old broken down Venture, white, driven by a girly who is used to doing everything on the right, is still learning how to shift, and has never 4x4 until she arrived in Africa. I think it will be an eye-opener and I am glad to know I won't be driving any patients around tomorrow, no need to cause any additional damage! :)
I don't know when I am going to Malawi, things are a bit up in the air and I would ask that you pray about this. I'm technically not supposed to be here. The plan was for me to be in Malawi already, but here I sit and think of that verse on how we have so many plans but the Lord's plans are the one's that prevail. It is nice to know that He has a plan, I can find some comfort in that.
I posted some more pictures as well, check the craziness out!
I found out that a snake actually crawled through the window of our old house the other day and hid out in the dresser in Brooker and my old room. I am so thankful that happened AFTER I was already gone. I am still living in denial and choosing to believe that Malawi is completely reptile free, don't try to convince me otherwise.
Today is a sad day, I am officially alone. (I am also officially a drama queen) I came here alone, true, but Farzam was here from the start. He was my buddy, my brother, my fellow emotional basket case. We bonded, we were friends. He left me today to go to the Congo. Of course I write this as though it wasn't the plan all along and as though he actually left me, not addressing the fact that he has set out on a grand adventure that God designed for him from the beginning. I find that I make everything about myself. I'm a work in process, so I can share these things with you and I am learning to accept myself anyways. So anyways, he left, brooker has been gone for a week now, and I, well, I am still in South Africa.
I've decided to make the most of my time here in the interim between SA and Malawi so I volunteered to help out with driving for the Home Based Care project. The driver is burnt out and could use a break. MaFlo, the director of Masoyi HBC asked me to drive tomorrow and Thursday and I agreed...she hasn't seen me drive and I am sure this is why she found confidence in me. It will be an adventure to say the least. An old broken down Venture, white, driven by a girly who is used to doing everything on the right, is still learning how to shift, and has never 4x4 until she arrived in Africa. I think it will be an eye-opener and I am glad to know I won't be driving any patients around tomorrow, no need to cause any additional damage! :)
I don't know when I am going to Malawi, things are a bit up in the air and I would ask that you pray about this. I'm technically not supposed to be here. The plan was for me to be in Malawi already, but here I sit and think of that verse on how we have so many plans but the Lord's plans are the one's that prevail. It is nice to know that He has a plan, I can find some comfort in that.
I posted some more pictures as well, check the craziness out!
5.18.2007
Chilling Out
Today I went to Prayer Meeting and then stopped by a lady named Vivien's house to chat a bit. She had a meeting so I stayed out on her veranda and read my bible and journaled while her dog, Jesse, chased monkeys around the yard. Back and forth, I heard their little feet scrambling over the tin roof to the other side of the house...barking...then scrambling little feeet again. It was entertaining and relaxing.
Some things I've learned about Africa: No matter how comfortable I feel, things are still not the same. We have to carry our water in to drink. There are no taps inside that I can drink from, just outside. Last week our water tasted really gross, later we heard that an "animal" died in our drinking water Jojo...we had to go to another Jojo to fill up. I poured some of our new water from the purple five gallon bucket we store our drinking water in. We have a pitcher that we dip into the bucket to use to pour...I noticed a spider floating on top. Yummm. Another thing, beds. All of the beds I have seen or slept on here are foam beds. It is a luxury to have a bed with a box spring and then a mattress on top. No, we have a wooden frame, like those at camp, and we have a thin foam mattress, like camp as well.
That's it for now...momma's on the phone. Love yoU!
Some things I've learned about Africa: No matter how comfortable I feel, things are still not the same. We have to carry our water in to drink. There are no taps inside that I can drink from, just outside. Last week our water tasted really gross, later we heard that an "animal" died in our drinking water Jojo...we had to go to another Jojo to fill up. I poured some of our new water from the purple five gallon bucket we store our drinking water in. We have a pitcher that we dip into the bucket to use to pour...I noticed a spider floating on top. Yummm. Another thing, beds. All of the beds I have seen or slept on here are foam beds. It is a luxury to have a bed with a box spring and then a mattress on top. No, we have a wooden frame, like those at camp, and we have a thin foam mattress, like camp as well.
That's it for now...momma's on the phone. Love yoU!
5.15.2007
Changes
My brooker left today, she is on her way to Mozambique...my sister is not going to be sleeping next to me anymore. That is a strange thought. She is a rock that girl, I miss her already!
Shaz (Farzam) and I also moved today. I will be staying on ASM campus for the next two weeks until I head out to Malawi. We have all been split up, my roomies are no longer my roomies, but maybe it is just good preparation for what is to come. I am now just getting ready, heart, mind, body, soul...We will be DRIVING to Malawi! I am going with a couple, Michael and Lindsey, the sweetest people! We are driving through Botswana and Zambia on our way to Malawi and I have been told that I must jump off a bridge in Livingston, so adventures await. The trip will take about a week...road trip extravaganza! I'm excited. PRay for the preparations, for safety, and all that comes between.
Thanks!
Shaz (Farzam) and I also moved today. I will be staying on ASM campus for the next two weeks until I head out to Malawi. We have all been split up, my roomies are no longer my roomies, but maybe it is just good preparation for what is to come. I am now just getting ready, heart, mind, body, soul...We will be DRIVING to Malawi! I am going with a couple, Michael and Lindsey, the sweetest people! We are driving through Botswana and Zambia on our way to Malawi and I have been told that I must jump off a bridge in Livingston, so adventures await. The trip will take about a week...road trip extravaganza! I'm excited. PRay for the preparations, for safety, and all that comes between.
Thanks!
5.13.2007
Bucket Baths are funny
Life isn't always simple. Or maybe it is simple and we love to make it complicated...either way, I miss what I used to have but am adjusting to a new way of life. Four more joined us in our little yellow house. A family of four I should say with two little ones. We are now 7 and Brooke and I were displaced from our room and now are living in Farzam's old room. He moved across from us and we are all three sharing a new bathroom. This bathroom is fabulous. It is that turquoise blue color that used to be very popular back in the 50's. We have a tub, a toilet and a sink. The tub has two separate nossels for the hot and cold water and there is no shower hook up thus, bucket baths.
Mind you, this is a new experience for me. I took bucket baths in the community, but they were in little plastic tubs only using a washcloth. I figured since I had a whole tub that things would be easier but I have found that they are actually much more complex. You see, I figured I could sit in the tub and be just fine. But this tub is a narrow one and truth be told if I were to gain a few more pounds I might struggle getting out of this tub...yes, truth be told. I also don't like the idea of sitting in a tub that four others are using, two of which are young children who have been known to not be so great in warm water if you know what I am saying. It isn't possible to Ajax the tub before each washing, especially since I am usually after Brooke, who enjoys a long shower experience, so I am left with about half an hour to get washed up, look presentable, and if possible, get some breakfast. Sooo, after about two sit down baths I decided that my comfort level was to stay standing and try to work something else out. My bucket baths consist of filling up the bottom couple inches in my narrow blue tub with warm water. I then wash my face first with the cleanest water, this requires crouching to reach the water. Then I am able to wash the rest of my body. But you can't really stand dry in a tub and use a wet bar of soap and believe that you will be accomplishing anything. This is where our small plastic bucket comes in handy. I use this to scoop water and pour it over myself. Rinse, lather, rinse, repeat.... The bathroom becomes a soaking room with water EVERYWHERE...but it is fun, and adds to the adventure of Africa and no shower. I don't really enjoy it too much, you have to think and strategize, you can't just jump in half asleep and expect the water to wake you up. You actually have to control the water yourself or nothing will get clean. If any of you have a tub I suggest you take a turn at a bucket bath, just to get a flavor of what my day to day life is like. Try it, I am sure you'll be impressed. :) I have gone back to washing my hair only every other day, I won't even go into that process.
We have power outages in Africa frequently. The other day our power was out. There was no storm, no construction...we heard the last time this happened it was because someone cut the line to sell the copper wire inside. We get to pay the price with no electricity and limited water since we have to pump water in. The night it was out we were having a Braai (BBQ) and there was about 12 of us there. We put our 8 seater table out on the back veranda and lit candles all over the house. The boys were responsible for the braai, us girls stayed inside and made salad by candlelight and talked about funny things. When all was ready we gathered outside, Brooke and I sharing a plate as well as a seat with our limited dishes and furniture. The stars were so bright and I loved the feeling of being out there. The wind did begin to blow after an hour or so and our candles were snuffed out one by one. We came inside with only three candles left. The Price family took one into their side of the house, The three of us put one candle in our bathroom and us girls brought one and placed it on our side table. I felt like Laura Engels Wilder and I loved it. Brushed my teeth in the candle light and went to bed. Africa is great. NO matter where you are you can't get too relaxed, it always reminds me of our luxuries and getting back to basics.
Mom, Happy Mothers Day. Without you I don't know where I would be. You have been the source of so much encouragement in my life and you have never given up on me. You push me to the edge, ask me to go further than I have gone before. You believe in me more than I believe in myself, more than you believe in your own self. You are my momma, my friend, and I love you very very much. Thank you for everything you've sacrificed. Thank you for your long suffering, for hanging on even when I pushed you too far. There was no mistake in God placing me in your family, in your blood, and I thank Him for giving me to you. Know that I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love you so much!
Joy!
Mind you, this is a new experience for me. I took bucket baths in the community, but they were in little plastic tubs only using a washcloth. I figured since I had a whole tub that things would be easier but I have found that they are actually much more complex. You see, I figured I could sit in the tub and be just fine. But this tub is a narrow one and truth be told if I were to gain a few more pounds I might struggle getting out of this tub...yes, truth be told. I also don't like the idea of sitting in a tub that four others are using, two of which are young children who have been known to not be so great in warm water if you know what I am saying. It isn't possible to Ajax the tub before each washing, especially since I am usually after Brooke, who enjoys a long shower experience, so I am left with about half an hour to get washed up, look presentable, and if possible, get some breakfast. Sooo, after about two sit down baths I decided that my comfort level was to stay standing and try to work something else out. My bucket baths consist of filling up the bottom couple inches in my narrow blue tub with warm water. I then wash my face first with the cleanest water, this requires crouching to reach the water. Then I am able to wash the rest of my body. But you can't really stand dry in a tub and use a wet bar of soap and believe that you will be accomplishing anything. This is where our small plastic bucket comes in handy. I use this to scoop water and pour it over myself. Rinse, lather, rinse, repeat.... The bathroom becomes a soaking room with water EVERYWHERE...but it is fun, and adds to the adventure of Africa and no shower. I don't really enjoy it too much, you have to think and strategize, you can't just jump in half asleep and expect the water to wake you up. You actually have to control the water yourself or nothing will get clean. If any of you have a tub I suggest you take a turn at a bucket bath, just to get a flavor of what my day to day life is like. Try it, I am sure you'll be impressed. :) I have gone back to washing my hair only every other day, I won't even go into that process.
We have power outages in Africa frequently. The other day our power was out. There was no storm, no construction...we heard the last time this happened it was because someone cut the line to sell the copper wire inside. We get to pay the price with no electricity and limited water since we have to pump water in. The night it was out we were having a Braai (BBQ) and there was about 12 of us there. We put our 8 seater table out on the back veranda and lit candles all over the house. The boys were responsible for the braai, us girls stayed inside and made salad by candlelight and talked about funny things. When all was ready we gathered outside, Brooke and I sharing a plate as well as a seat with our limited dishes and furniture. The stars were so bright and I loved the feeling of being out there. The wind did begin to blow after an hour or so and our candles were snuffed out one by one. We came inside with only three candles left. The Price family took one into their side of the house, The three of us put one candle in our bathroom and us girls brought one and placed it on our side table. I felt like Laura Engels Wilder and I loved it. Brushed my teeth in the candle light and went to bed. Africa is great. NO matter where you are you can't get too relaxed, it always reminds me of our luxuries and getting back to basics.
Mom, Happy Mothers Day. Without you I don't know where I would be. You have been the source of so much encouragement in my life and you have never given up on me. You push me to the edge, ask me to go further than I have gone before. You believe in me more than I believe in myself, more than you believe in your own self. You are my momma, my friend, and I love you very very much. Thank you for everything you've sacrificed. Thank you for your long suffering, for hanging on even when I pushed you too far. There was no mistake in God placing me in your family, in your blood, and I thank Him for giving me to you. Know that I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love you so much!
Joy!
5.08.2007
Real Love
Today we were talking about God’s covenant with Abraham. In those days they used to cut a carcass in half and then the two parties involved in a covenant would walk together between and around the carcasses in a sort of figure eight fashion. They were symbolically promising, if you need anything I promise to take care of it for you, and if I need anything, you are promising to take care of it. If either of us doesn’t fulfill our end of the bargain the same be to that person as has happened to this carcass…they will pay the penalty for breaking this covenant by death. If you read in Genesis 15 it talks about God making a covenant with Abraham. They prepared the carcasses and cut them in half. Then Abraham fell asleep and while he was asleep the Lord in the form of a smoking firepot with a blazing torch passed between the pieces. He walked the covenant alone. He was saying, I will fulfill my end of the bargain, and if you don’t fulfill your end, I will pay the punishment. I alone with be responsible for the covenant I am making with you and you can hold me accountable. It was awesome to see God’s love in a new way that I hadn’t noticed before. I am finding myself more in awe of God and His design. He created us, gave us free will, needed justice over sin due to His holiness, so He paid the price for us. His love overflows. I can’t imagine not loving Him…not because it makes everything easy, but He has sacrificed everything, even His high position to keep us in communion with Him. We who are sinful, wretched people, He loves. Amazing!
Life is not cheap
She was my friend, we used to live together, laugh together. We went shopping, talked about boys, and ate junk food…we did this all together. Now she was lying on that bed lifeless. She just died while I was standing there beside her and I didn’t know what to do. The Sister was there and began to spout off commands. “Somebody needs to call the Mortuary. Somebody needs to call her family and tell them what happened. We can’t just leave her like this, we have to clean her up, cover her, prepare her for the funeral home. You know they won’t take her like this. She is about to leak infectious body fluids.” Death was beginning to sink into my friend’s body and the Sister wanted us to act quickly but I just felt disgusted and angry. Why was she being so bossy? I couldn’t even let the grief welling up inside of my chest have any release. I wanted to cry, to wail, but we needed to prepare the body. We had nothing but a few bolts, some gauze wrap, and some cotton wool. We needed to keep her eyes closed so we placed the bolts over her eyes to keep them closed. We then took the gauze wrap and tied it around her head, from her chin to the top of her head to ensure that her mouth would stay closed. We then took the cotton wool and put it into her nostrils as well as in her ears. This was to ensure that no fluid could make its way out of her body. My friend was positive and I don’t mean her personality. No, she was HIV+ and the virus was still inside of her body. Any fluid excreted would be highly infectious to those around her. We straightened out her arms to make sure they didn’t stiffen in a strange position and then covered her with a blanket. She was gone, my friend was gone and the last image I had of her would be her wrapped in a bandage with bolts on her eyes and cotton up her nose. It was surreal and disturbing. My heart ached, why couldn’t we do any more for my friend? Why did death have to be like this?
“Okay” the Sister said, “Brooke, you can wake up now, you’re alive.” The role-play was over. We returned to our prayer circle with our lighted candle and Brooke joined us again feeling very rested and wishing she could crawl back into that bed. But as I sat there I was left with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief. “But why does death have to look like that?” I was disturbed still, thinking of my family in the community who had lost their mother, their father and most recently their 19 year old brother. Did they have to do this for them? Did they have to experience the ugliness of death? Our time in Barberton was bittersweet. We went to a place called St. John’s. It could be called a children’s hospice for all the children who are sent there to die, but it could also be called an orphanage for those children who were supposed to die but are still living, still thriving there and are the most beautiful children you might meet. The mixture of life and death on the campus was startling. On one side there was hope, on the other, comfort for the hopeless.
There was a misunderstanding so we came to play with the children but the Sisters had a workshop prepared for us on “Palliative care and Dying.” Sound depressing? It was. We talked for hours about death and dying. Wait, let me rephrase that. The Sister spent hours talking about death and dying. I wondered if it wasn’t a blessing for her for us to be there as she had so much to say and a flow of information spilled from her lips. A delightful little nun with stories to last a lifetime. She had been in South Africa for over 20 years working on this plot of land. It started out as a youth hostel and evolved over the years into what it is today. She has experienced more death than any of us could imagine. There had been 5 deaths in just the past two weeks on their property. Imagine what that must feel like to care and love for people you know are only in your presence to die. I’m not sure I could do that, but this is her calling and her church placed her there for a reason. She was in her mid to late sixties, originally from the States, Pittsburg to be exact. She played with them, sang with them.
It was such a strange thing…all these kiddos spoke English. Their little black faces, coming from the bush and yet growing up with American nuns had produced English speakers that were natives of South Africa. They called the 7 that had been there for years the magnificent 7. They were all meant to die. All had stories of triumph. One was found a few days old in a plastic bag in the middle of a field. She is a spit-fire. The stories are filled with rape, abuse, and extreme illness. They each have been at death’s door and returned victoriously. The strange thing was looking at these children and trying to comprehend that they were all sick, all with HIV, all on ARV’s, all fragile creatures. They spoke with confidence and joy.
Some of my thoughts while at St. Johns:
“This place feels blessed. The light overflows from the tops of the buildings and creates a fabulous aura. God is here.”
“This supportive group of little ones, forced to grow up fast. Their living is surrounded by dying and it is now normal”
“The pain is too big, too real, so she laughs. Oh Lord, protect her heart, hold it close, because she needs your comfort”
“The reality: these children are dying of AIDS, and they know it”
“Abandoned by death, unnatural to us, but this is their family”
“Is it desperation? Where is the love that leaves when it becomes too difficult? Why is it only important to stick together physically while emotionally they are strangers?”
“I hate death, it is an assault on everything we hold dear, or maybe I hate illness, the unexpected, the indifferent diseases, AIDS, those that rob of life”
“The disappearing children. Deterioration = loss of existence”
“Life is not cheap”
“Okay” the Sister said, “Brooke, you can wake up now, you’re alive.” The role-play was over. We returned to our prayer circle with our lighted candle and Brooke joined us again feeling very rested and wishing she could crawl back into that bed. But as I sat there I was left with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief. “But why does death have to look like that?” I was disturbed still, thinking of my family in the community who had lost their mother, their father and most recently their 19 year old brother. Did they have to do this for them? Did they have to experience the ugliness of death? Our time in Barberton was bittersweet. We went to a place called St. John’s. It could be called a children’s hospice for all the children who are sent there to die, but it could also be called an orphanage for those children who were supposed to die but are still living, still thriving there and are the most beautiful children you might meet. The mixture of life and death on the campus was startling. On one side there was hope, on the other, comfort for the hopeless.
There was a misunderstanding so we came to play with the children but the Sisters had a workshop prepared for us on “Palliative care and Dying.” Sound depressing? It was. We talked for hours about death and dying. Wait, let me rephrase that. The Sister spent hours talking about death and dying. I wondered if it wasn’t a blessing for her for us to be there as she had so much to say and a flow of information spilled from her lips. A delightful little nun with stories to last a lifetime. She had been in South Africa for over 20 years working on this plot of land. It started out as a youth hostel and evolved over the years into what it is today. She has experienced more death than any of us could imagine. There had been 5 deaths in just the past two weeks on their property. Imagine what that must feel like to care and love for people you know are only in your presence to die. I’m not sure I could do that, but this is her calling and her church placed her there for a reason. She was in her mid to late sixties, originally from the States, Pittsburg to be exact. She played with them, sang with them.
It was such a strange thing…all these kiddos spoke English. Their little black faces, coming from the bush and yet growing up with American nuns had produced English speakers that were natives of South Africa. They called the 7 that had been there for years the magnificent 7. They were all meant to die. All had stories of triumph. One was found a few days old in a plastic bag in the middle of a field. She is a spit-fire. The stories are filled with rape, abuse, and extreme illness. They each have been at death’s door and returned victoriously. The strange thing was looking at these children and trying to comprehend that they were all sick, all with HIV, all on ARV’s, all fragile creatures. They spoke with confidence and joy.
Some of my thoughts while at St. Johns:
“This place feels blessed. The light overflows from the tops of the buildings and creates a fabulous aura. God is here.”
“This supportive group of little ones, forced to grow up fast. Their living is surrounded by dying and it is now normal”
“The pain is too big, too real, so she laughs. Oh Lord, protect her heart, hold it close, because she needs your comfort”
“The reality: these children are dying of AIDS, and they know it”
“Abandoned by death, unnatural to us, but this is their family”
“Is it desperation? Where is the love that leaves when it becomes too difficult? Why is it only important to stick together physically while emotionally they are strangers?”
“I hate death, it is an assault on everything we hold dear, or maybe I hate illness, the unexpected, the indifferent diseases, AIDS, those that rob of life”
“The disappearing children. Deterioration = loss of existence”
“Life is not cheap”
5.04.2007
Prayer Please
You know, the Enemy is at work telling lies and confusing things. I choose to believe that this is because he knows God is going to use us instead of the lie that I am feeling this way because God just can't and doesn't want to use me. We are in a difficult time right now and we need some prayers to be lifted. Farzam is having a really difficult time and needs encouragement from God. Please pray for him and for his family and that God's will would be evident and be done.
The enemy is a professional at what he does and sometimes it is so difficult to truly see what his intentions are until he has already made an impact. I refuse to let him have the victory, but his lies sound like truth sometimes. We watched that movie Joan of Arc the other night and I really felt that I was going through the same test that she comes to at the end of the movie, when the devil comes to her and tells her that she made it all up, that she was only following her own desires rather than God's. Wow...I am hearing these lies a lot lately and would like them to stop. Just pray for us, that Truth would prevail.
It's the weekend already, can't believe it. We are going to do some discipleship training this weekend and I am really looking forward to it. Also looking forward to church on Sunday, it's been a while since I have gone to church, officially anyways.
I will write more later on about my time in Barberton.
Love and Peace
The enemy is a professional at what he does and sometimes it is so difficult to truly see what his intentions are until he has already made an impact. I refuse to let him have the victory, but his lies sound like truth sometimes. We watched that movie Joan of Arc the other night and I really felt that I was going through the same test that she comes to at the end of the movie, when the devil comes to her and tells her that she made it all up, that she was only following her own desires rather than God's. Wow...I am hearing these lies a lot lately and would like them to stop. Just pray for us, that Truth would prevail.
It's the weekend already, can't believe it. We are going to do some discipleship training this weekend and I am really looking forward to it. Also looking forward to church on Sunday, it's been a while since I have gone to church, officially anyways.
I will write more later on about my time in Barberton.
Love and Peace
5.01.2007
Spoiled
I am in a time of transition and I am finding it a bit strange. Being on Holiday for the past five days has really opened my eyes to the dual life that I am currently living. Last week I was taking care of children who had been abandoned and sick. Today I am sitting at the mall, drinking a latte and using the wireless Internet connection available. I feel strange. Although I miss my comfortable life, I also crave the exhaustion that comes from doing hard work. I am looking forward to Malawi very much. We are wrapping things up here so now we are doing a lot of planning and organizing...translated, a lot of sitting on our butts and talking. It is exciting stuff but at the end of the day I just want to distract myself from the reality that I am leaving my friends behind yet again, leaving my new family behind yet again, and on to do something alone, something that is going to be much more difficult than what I am doing right now. I'm nervous, and I hope I am prepared.
This morning I was praying that God would show me something, something big and glorious that I could bask in. Instead He humbled me with today's reading in My Utmost for His Highest. (Thanks so much Ann by the way!) He told me that I must trust Him and continue on. He told me that I wasn't looking for Him at all, that I was growing too attached to the big experiences with Him instead of just walking with Him in the day to day grind of life. Alright, I will do it...and that is where Trust is really apparent. He isn't enlightening me, do I still trust Him? He hasn't brought any outstanding words, will I still talk to Him? I don't feel the vision, will I still follow Him? I was challenged, questioned my love for Him. Do I love Him, truly, or do I love what He can do for me, in my life? I spent a good time in prayer after this and felt refreshed, sometimes you just gotta talk to Him and find encouragement knowing that He is listening. I am starting a 11 part study of Ephesians and am looking forward to being challenged again. Ephesians is a good book, challenging, but so good. I read through it this morning and was so thankful for Jesus, because of Him I have hope, only because of Him.
I am posting some more pictures today, I got my hair cut...exciting information huh?! :) Okay, I think I'll go. Hey, if anyone sees my friend Frank, tell him "hey" for me and "what's up G-funk" I miss him today and wonder how he is. Shannon, thanks for your letter, I got it and was so happy to get some mail. Jimmy, we're still in love...good! I'm glad we got to dance at Katie's wedding...
Love you all!
This morning I was praying that God would show me something, something big and glorious that I could bask in. Instead He humbled me with today's reading in My Utmost for His Highest. (Thanks so much Ann by the way!) He told me that I must trust Him and continue on. He told me that I wasn't looking for Him at all, that I was growing too attached to the big experiences with Him instead of just walking with Him in the day to day grind of life. Alright, I will do it...and that is where Trust is really apparent. He isn't enlightening me, do I still trust Him? He hasn't brought any outstanding words, will I still talk to Him? I don't feel the vision, will I still follow Him? I was challenged, questioned my love for Him. Do I love Him, truly, or do I love what He can do for me, in my life? I spent a good time in prayer after this and felt refreshed, sometimes you just gotta talk to Him and find encouragement knowing that He is listening. I am starting a 11 part study of Ephesians and am looking forward to being challenged again. Ephesians is a good book, challenging, but so good. I read through it this morning and was so thankful for Jesus, because of Him I have hope, only because of Him.
I am posting some more pictures today, I got my hair cut...exciting information huh?! :) Okay, I think I'll go. Hey, if anyone sees my friend Frank, tell him "hey" for me and "what's up G-funk" I miss him today and wonder how he is. Shannon, thanks for your letter, I got it and was so happy to get some mail. Jimmy, we're still in love...good! I'm glad we got to dance at Katie's wedding...
Love you all!
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