Am I controlling? I would never label myself as a controlling person, although I have been told that I have these tendencies. You know what? They are revealing themselves in outstanding ways these past few weeks, especially the last couple days. Depression, anxiety, fear...all for me symptoms of my control. I am finding myself struggling to hold on to everything that I am leaving. Relationships especially - actually only relationships. I really could care less about the material things that I have - I find little pleasure in having great shoes or stunning clothes other than hoping that someone else who cares may think I have done a good job with my outfit. If it was up to me it would be sweats all day everyday - that's it, that is my comfort zone...but it is the people I love that I am afraid of losing. I am struggling, fighting God for control of these areas that I never had a hold on in the first place. Please don't leave me, please don't forget me...and I shrink inside, forgetting my passion and all the things that have brought me to this place, and consider for a moment giving it all up to not have to lose control and embrace the uncertainty that comes from absence.
It is a strange place to be in, leaving all of those relationships that you have held so dear and finding that they may not be what you thought and having to choose to follow God either way. Some people may stay, and I pray that they will stay, but some may go and my heart aches for this possibility. It is all "what ifs" again and there is no way to know for sure. But one thing I do know for sure is the one that I could truly not live without will never leave me. That is what I am trying to focus on, that He will never leave me - and He is the giver of life, hope, peace, LOVE...He is the source.
In times like these, you need a Savior, In times like these you need an anchor, be very sure, be very sure Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock, In times like these I have a Savior, In times like these I have an anchor; I'm very sure, I'm very sure My anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock! This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He's the One; This Rock is Jesus, The Only One! I'm very sure, I'm very sure My anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock! - Ruth Caye Jones
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I will be in Africa for the next year volunteering with Hands@Work, a Christian missions agency based in South Africa. Here you will be able to join me on my journey through Africa and stay connected with me throughout the year. Be sure to stay close! Miss you already!
2 comments:
I think you will find that this will only strenghten those relationships. Stay focused on what you can control, not on what you cannot...
You're the best!
Megan,
It's Sam. the link for the email address that you have up will not work with the computer that I'm using right now. My email is not configured to this one because MY computer is in the shop.
Anyhow, my email address is circumstantialterror@yahoo.com
Post a Comment