Okay, so I have changed my settings so you all see your comments as soon as you leave them. I had them set to be moderated, but I see that this has caused some confusion and I hate to see you all in this confused state, so hopefully things will become easier after today! :)
Oh, this has been a LOOoong week already. Can I tell you a bit about it? Well, just so you know, I have a permanent tank top on, even when I am wearing a bathing suit. No, it isn't because I don't take the tank top off, I try to but no matter what, it is permanently on me...my skin to be exact, it's on my skin. I am a funny sight to see, tan, but not stylish tan, farmers tan tan. Try not to be jealous, especially since you are probably very white from the winter you are still in...but my tan comes from many hours walking the community in the hot sun...okay, you can be jealous, because it is amazing! Walking through the community is completely altering. Imagine the sound of music, but instead of short grassy mountains you are walking through tall itchy grass, red dirt under your feet, passing by a very occasional but beautiful orange flower, randomly placed by God to delight it's passerbyers. You walk up, up higher, the path is narrow and a bit slippery with the smooth dirt covering it. I wonder if any snakes are around, I walk a little harder...Somehow we are walking to a house, up on the hillside we find a woman, she is sitting under a tree on a woven mat, her small pillow is bright fuchsia, she has a ceramic pitcher with water next to it and a single avocado. She is old, a wonderful sight to see in a community of children, she is dying. We speak with her a bit. Well, the nurse speaks with her, I look on and offer as many smiles as she will accept. David, the nurse, passes her an oral thrush medication. She says she aches all over. When she coughs she feels like her chest will split in two. Probably has TB. We give her cough syrup and some pain medication, basically Ibuprofen. David asks me to pray for her. I was overwhelmed by the thought, what do I say? I kneel next to her and pray for her healing, believing that it is possible, believing that God can do what He has done before. I get up hoping that she will get up as well and look better, she sits there and looks out into the distance. I wonder if my faith is too small to make anything happen. We walk away and I feel discouraged, I am so inadequate....I am reminded that my inadequacy doesn't matter. I never had any strength anyways. BUT, God is completely adequate, and His power is able to do anything. Check yourself Megan, whose power are you trusting in? I try to remember, to rest in God's power as we walk to the next house. The sun is high and hot, my skirt is uncomfortable in the heat, it is long. I wish for a wide brimmed hat to protect my eyes as I look down at the path. We walk through the grass and up by some big rocks that are designed with textures caused by running water at one time passing over them, the words "Car Shop" have been sprayed onto them. We all chuckle a bit as these rocks are where no car would ever be able to drive. Walking a little further I see a small bunch of cacti growing in the cracks of these rocks. I smile and think of home. My first Cacti sighting in Africa. The next patient is a man, old as well. His eyes are glossy and I wonder if he is going to cry. He is wearing a paper thin pink oxford with grey pin-striped pants. His thin body is sitting on a wooden bench, his arms resting on his knees. He says his whole body aches, his back, his hips. He appears to be in pain, wanting some rest as he looks into my eyes. I want to hold him, comfort him. We give him cough syrup and David asks me to pray for him. His name is Jensen. I go and kneel next to him, a hand on his shoulder, another on his wrist. I pray for his healing, for his comfort, for peace. Please God, show him in his heart your love. As I sit back down in my seat David tells me that most of the patients believe that when I lay my hands on them that they will be healed. Pressure, Inadequacies, powerless....but God, remember, God is powerful, adequate, He is able. I struggle to remember and hope that the patients are not too let down as a miracle has not happened...yet, not in my presence at least. But God does things in His time, not ours.... This was my struggle throughout the day, and I am thirsty, hungry, hot, overwhelmed. God please send your peace.
Our last patient of the day. I walk into the room made out of tin and covered by newspaper and then sheets to make walls. Her body is topless, I can only see her back as she is seated on the floor on a mat. A thin mat, covered with plastic and then a thin sheet. The room smells of urine. She is stocky in build and her head covered in short beautiful grey hair. She is wearing a skirt, she has a towel bunched between her legs. She is beautiful, her skin fresh looking, moist. Her daughter covers her with a towel around her shoulders. She has had a stroke and her right side is not working. Wonderfully her small voice is heard, she just had regained her ability to speak. I smiled, it was beautiful. She spoke to us, brooke and I, as if we understood Saswati, as if we understood her story. No one could lift her, so she lived on this mat. Her low back was beginning to get bed sores, she had been constipated for over two weeks, she had to sit in her own urine. She receives a pension, her children steal it before she can use it. She needs some adult diapers, she needs transport to the clinic...what she needs is for someone to love her and care for her, but she is just a bother. Brooke and I both lay our hands on her to pray, as I pray out loud I feel her leaning into me, leaning into the prayer, leaning into the touch and I felt overwhelmed by her need, her desire. She wanted so much to be healed, so much to be touched, loved. An ache still lies in my chest when I think of her. When we walked away I wondered who would be there to take care of her. Oh God, please take care of her, please be her comforter.
My heart aches with each story I learn, each face I am able to see in pain. We had a prayer meeting last Friday morning and asked those volunteers to come in the middle of the group for us to pray over them. We had chosen to meet at one of the preschools for orphans called k2. As we started to pray one of the volunteers went inside the school room and brought out the baby, four more little bodies followed her, she brought them into the middle of the circle. They were sick, they needed healing. Oh I cried, to think of these children, orphans, younger than 4...sick. This is the usual, the typical, the devastating. Please pray for these people, this country, this continent. Pray that I would allow the love of Jesus to flow out of my every pore.
I have been homesick, just recently struggling with my emotions more than usual. It has been a month already, I hoped I would be more settled. I suppose it can change from day to day. I woke this morning to the news that my Gramps passed away yesterday, the one who I thought for a while was Korean, the one who gave me my eyes, my pouty lips, my red skin. This strong invincible man is no longer here on earth and my heart aches, for my family, for my pops, for my grams. I remember his huge hands, he was so strong, he could do anything...my father takes after his abilities. It is difficult not to be there, but God has a design and I wonder if my heart could take it? I was devastated when Seth was gone...maybe it is best for me to be here? Actually, I know that it is best because this is where I am supposed to be. But pray for my family, this was unexpected and painful. I am thankful that Gramps knew God, that he is in a better place for sure. I loved my Gramps and will miss him. I am thankful for who he was!
3.17.2007
Monkeys are a little tricky
There is a gardener who works on our property during the day...he told us a little story. Once upon a time there was a house with a bunch of ignorant foreigners living there. They liked to leave the doors open to get fresh air in the un-air conditioned house. One day when the Canadians were at home and the Americans had already left a sneaky little monkey decided to come inside. He found the kitchen counter was covered with fruit. He took a bite out of an Apple, blech he thought, so he tossed it down and went for an apricot instead, yeesh, he didn't like that either. He tossed the apricot down and decided to go through the cupboards and was delighted to find a mango the size of a human head. it was nice and ripe, he could tell....whoops, is someone in the house he thought? He heard a noise and some yelling from outside the house as well. He scooped up his prized mango under his arm and headed for the door. He made it outside with just enough time to climb up the tree and look down and scoff at the gardener who was scolding him. He was so happy he found his very large mango. The End
I will give you one guess as to whether that was a true story or not...but I think you should have it all figured out. Haha...what a funny thing huh?! I have been bummed that I haven't seen any monkeys but I was very lucky to see a family of them running down the road yesterday evening. I was taking a little test spin in the backwards manual vehicle and saw these little creatures running down the road ahead of me...they were like a menacing gang of really small hairy things...I will need to get a close up look to feel satisfied.
Things have been getting better and better! I have been realizing that I am in the exact place that I have always wanted to be. This is huge! Whenever the day is challenging, the extreme heat, the lack of comprehension of anything going on around me, the thirst, the bugs, I think, oh yeah, but I am experiencing all of these things because I am doing something with my life. I am pursuing my passions as well as trusting God for the first time in my life by stepping out into the unknown. It is an adventure. I wake every morning to the sun rising over mountains filled with little brick houses all along the side. I imagine those living in the community, my family I lived with. I see the smoke rising from an outside stove or from burning grass. The wind blows softly, the dirt is stirred up from a buggy driving down on the left side and then I breathe a breath of some of the freshest air I have breathed before. Oh yes, I am in paradise.
My mind has gotten muddled with the training. We have workshops and people coming in to speak with us about culture and language barriers, the programs and the models. It can be a distraction from what I am here for and then I get caught up in the perfect missions model. I avoided reading missions books before I came for a reason, I didn't want to get filled with all the "shoulds", I wanted to DO. But I am seeing the value, the barriers to ignorance, and that is a good thing. We have days of workshops and then days to go out with those working with Masoyi Home Based Care. This past week Monday through Wednesday was spent at the school. Thursday I went out with a Child worker (a social worker) and walked the dusty streets with her in the community. What an experience! We walked everywhere in the intense heat and humidity. She brought an umbrella, you see them everywhere here. I need a hat! A nice straw hat because holding the umbrella takes a hand away from protecting myself if I fall on the steep dirt paved slopes of the community. Can you picture it? I am on a mountain, or a hill rather. The community isn't in a valley and where I live is not flat. The roads are steep and if you have been to Jerome you have seen an exaggerated Masoyi community. We went to a home where the grandmother was taking care of an 11 year old child. The mother had died in 2003, she was born in '79. Do the math and it is devastating. Ben was born in '79...I can't even imagine. The father was unknown. These families aren't getting support, no aid other than from our agency. The age for a woman to receive a pension is 60, but when she turns 60 she is put on a waiting list. This grandmother was 62 and still waiting for support. The other house we went to was a little boy living with his Auntie. She wore a skirt with another skirt wrapped around trying to hide her legs. There were sores everywhere, like her legs had been infested. She was sick, possibly with AIDS although it is not spoken of. She was uncomfortable with me there, and I as well. I felt like an outsider spying on her life, exploiting her struggles as I sat there not knowing anything to say. I just sat and watched. I felt completely useless. Their bathroom was made out of a large metal container. It was an over sized cylinder with ridges like a potato chip with a little breathing hole at the top. They cut a strange door out of one of the sides and that is the design of their toilet. It is shocking, and yet I have heard that these people living comfortably compared to those outside of south Africa. The other African countries, that is where you see real poverty. I can't imagine.
Today we volunteered with the youth program. We drove in a bus to pick up the kids with some loud beautiful Saswati gospel music streaming out of the speakers. The first girls got in and danced in the aisle singing at the top of their lungs. No, they weren't perfect singers, but it was beautiful. You don't have to have a superstar voice to sing in Africa, you just need a little passion...it's wonderful. The windows were down, wind in my face and hair and we are driving up and down through the Masoyi community, picking up the kids as we go and the bus grows to be a huge party bus. Children from 8 - 22 filling the seats and Aisles, Gogos as well...we were all there. I watched as the other children, those left behind, looked on with curiosity. I wondered who was reaching out to them, who was supporting them and leading them. Who was teaching them how to be successful at life? The front of the bus was loaded with loaves of bread and two sewing machines. We were going to work. Life skills, teach them how to support themselves and you will teach them how to survive. The girls learned beading, sewing and hair dressing. Two girls, Fortune and Goo Goo had sweet new styles by the time we left. I bought a necklace and made two bracelets, humbled by the youngest girls totally surpassing my abilities in beading. The boys spent the ENTIRE day outside strategizing their soccer game later that day. The boys are SERIOUS about their soccer! The music vibrated out of the kitchen and into the room where we worked on our tasks. The kids were dancing, there was joy all around and the only sad faces came from...well, I don't think there were any sad faces. It was a completely exhausting day. The heat was unbearable, I smell all the time...seriously! Taking a shower means that I must go to bed on time and wake up before my roomie. If I wake up after it means I must sacrifice something, either eating or my devotions. I haven't found a way to fit it all in yet, so this only increases my stench. :) Gotta love it! This is Africa by the way, it's okay! (TIA) everyone says that here...you will hear it in Blood Diamond as well.
Ahhh....what else can I tell you? Well, I had my first adventure driving. They driving on the opposite side here, I hadn't even thought of that when I came but they all use Manuals as well. Thanks pops for the Jeep when I had it! Invaluable! But the shifting happens on the left, and the blinker is on the right, and the windshield wipers are on the left...and have I mentioned that this place is in the steep mountains? Hill starts terrify me, just getting off the freeway terrified me...that was NOTHING compared to what I have to do here. You need to be in 4x4 all the time. So I decided that I would drive for the first time ever today to the grocery store and then here. Three strangers wanted to come along and none of them know how to drive or have a license. This meant that I was in control. Me, the one who knows absolutely nothing about the town or where to go or how to do those tricky hill starts. I stalled out once. Only once is pretty good. They directed me to go the opposite way through a one way and I receive a scowl and a muttered "stupid" I am observant so I saw it. I had to laugh it off as an adventure but goodness it is very nerve-racking! We made it, all in one piece but I did have to tell the whole care how un-helpful it was to receive instructions from all of them at the same time...all saying different things of course, that is how I ended up going the wrong way in the first place. It caused a little tension actually, but so it goes.
I have written a book, I apologize but I read every one's emails and decided just to blog rather than respond to everyone this time. A few things: 1)HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE! 2) My address is on my profile page here on the blog, SEND ME MAIL! :) 3) ummm...that might have been it actually. Oh, but please pray for the team of us as volunteers. there have been some tense times, they all have issues, not me :) But we need to be in unity and God just keeps telling me to LOVE...so pray that love would abound in our house as we learn how to deal with conflict. Pray for the community. There are so many spiritual powers at work that are not from God and they are in bondage. Pray that the message of Christ will be salve and peace to wounded spirits and fearful lives. Pray that I would not forget my purpose for being here, that I would not be afraid to embrace, that I would stop comparing and trust that the Love of God is on me already. Pray that my heart would be broken daily, that I would not shut off the overflow of emotions out of embarrassment, that I would be raw and moldable before God. Thank you all for your continual support! I am growing to love Africa, the people, the food, the experiences...but I am reminded daily that this is not an experience, this is a life. I in no way want to glorify this as an experience, commercialize it, or minimize the lives of the people here. They will not leave this place thinking it an experience, it is a life, it is reality and we all need to be aware that for many there is no escape, no hitting rock bottom, no one year only commitment. I want to remain sensitive to this.
Love you all!
I will give you one guess as to whether that was a true story or not...but I think you should have it all figured out. Haha...what a funny thing huh?! I have been bummed that I haven't seen any monkeys but I was very lucky to see a family of them running down the road yesterday evening. I was taking a little test spin in the backwards manual vehicle and saw these little creatures running down the road ahead of me...they were like a menacing gang of really small hairy things...I will need to get a close up look to feel satisfied.
Things have been getting better and better! I have been realizing that I am in the exact place that I have always wanted to be. This is huge! Whenever the day is challenging, the extreme heat, the lack of comprehension of anything going on around me, the thirst, the bugs, I think, oh yeah, but I am experiencing all of these things because I am doing something with my life. I am pursuing my passions as well as trusting God for the first time in my life by stepping out into the unknown. It is an adventure. I wake every morning to the sun rising over mountains filled with little brick houses all along the side. I imagine those living in the community, my family I lived with. I see the smoke rising from an outside stove or from burning grass. The wind blows softly, the dirt is stirred up from a buggy driving down on the left side and then I breathe a breath of some of the freshest air I have breathed before. Oh yes, I am in paradise.
My mind has gotten muddled with the training. We have workshops and people coming in to speak with us about culture and language barriers, the programs and the models. It can be a distraction from what I am here for and then I get caught up in the perfect missions model. I avoided reading missions books before I came for a reason, I didn't want to get filled with all the "shoulds", I wanted to DO. But I am seeing the value, the barriers to ignorance, and that is a good thing. We have days of workshops and then days to go out with those working with Masoyi Home Based Care. This past week Monday through Wednesday was spent at the school. Thursday I went out with a Child worker (a social worker) and walked the dusty streets with her in the community. What an experience! We walked everywhere in the intense heat and humidity. She brought an umbrella, you see them everywhere here. I need a hat! A nice straw hat because holding the umbrella takes a hand away from protecting myself if I fall on the steep dirt paved slopes of the community. Can you picture it? I am on a mountain, or a hill rather. The community isn't in a valley and where I live is not flat. The roads are steep and if you have been to Jerome you have seen an exaggerated Masoyi community. We went to a home where the grandmother was taking care of an 11 year old child. The mother had died in 2003, she was born in '79. Do the math and it is devastating. Ben was born in '79...I can't even imagine. The father was unknown. These families aren't getting support, no aid other than from our agency. The age for a woman to receive a pension is 60, but when she turns 60 she is put on a waiting list. This grandmother was 62 and still waiting for support. The other house we went to was a little boy living with his Auntie. She wore a skirt with another skirt wrapped around trying to hide her legs. There were sores everywhere, like her legs had been infested. She was sick, possibly with AIDS although it is not spoken of. She was uncomfortable with me there, and I as well. I felt like an outsider spying on her life, exploiting her struggles as I sat there not knowing anything to say. I just sat and watched. I felt completely useless. Their bathroom was made out of a large metal container. It was an over sized cylinder with ridges like a potato chip with a little breathing hole at the top. They cut a strange door out of one of the sides and that is the design of their toilet. It is shocking, and yet I have heard that these people living comfortably compared to those outside of south Africa. The other African countries, that is where you see real poverty. I can't imagine.
Today we volunteered with the youth program. We drove in a bus to pick up the kids with some loud beautiful Saswati gospel music streaming out of the speakers. The first girls got in and danced in the aisle singing at the top of their lungs. No, they weren't perfect singers, but it was beautiful. You don't have to have a superstar voice to sing in Africa, you just need a little passion...it's wonderful. The windows were down, wind in my face and hair and we are driving up and down through the Masoyi community, picking up the kids as we go and the bus grows to be a huge party bus. Children from 8 - 22 filling the seats and Aisles, Gogos as well...we were all there. I watched as the other children, those left behind, looked on with curiosity. I wondered who was reaching out to them, who was supporting them and leading them. Who was teaching them how to be successful at life? The front of the bus was loaded with loaves of bread and two sewing machines. We were going to work. Life skills, teach them how to support themselves and you will teach them how to survive. The girls learned beading, sewing and hair dressing. Two girls, Fortune and Goo Goo had sweet new styles by the time we left. I bought a necklace and made two bracelets, humbled by the youngest girls totally surpassing my abilities in beading. The boys spent the ENTIRE day outside strategizing their soccer game later that day. The boys are SERIOUS about their soccer! The music vibrated out of the kitchen and into the room where we worked on our tasks. The kids were dancing, there was joy all around and the only sad faces came from...well, I don't think there were any sad faces. It was a completely exhausting day. The heat was unbearable, I smell all the time...seriously! Taking a shower means that I must go to bed on time and wake up before my roomie. If I wake up after it means I must sacrifice something, either eating or my devotions. I haven't found a way to fit it all in yet, so this only increases my stench. :) Gotta love it! This is Africa by the way, it's okay! (TIA) everyone says that here...you will hear it in Blood Diamond as well.
Ahhh....what else can I tell you? Well, I had my first adventure driving. They driving on the opposite side here, I hadn't even thought of that when I came but they all use Manuals as well. Thanks pops for the Jeep when I had it! Invaluable! But the shifting happens on the left, and the blinker is on the right, and the windshield wipers are on the left...and have I mentioned that this place is in the steep mountains? Hill starts terrify me, just getting off the freeway terrified me...that was NOTHING compared to what I have to do here. You need to be in 4x4 all the time. So I decided that I would drive for the first time ever today to the grocery store and then here. Three strangers wanted to come along and none of them know how to drive or have a license. This meant that I was in control. Me, the one who knows absolutely nothing about the town or where to go or how to do those tricky hill starts. I stalled out once. Only once is pretty good. They directed me to go the opposite way through a one way and I receive a scowl and a muttered "stupid" I am observant so I saw it. I had to laugh it off as an adventure but goodness it is very nerve-racking! We made it, all in one piece but I did have to tell the whole care how un-helpful it was to receive instructions from all of them at the same time...all saying different things of course, that is how I ended up going the wrong way in the first place. It caused a little tension actually, but so it goes.
I have written a book, I apologize but I read every one's emails and decided just to blog rather than respond to everyone this time. A few things: 1)HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE! 2) My address is on my profile page here on the blog, SEND ME MAIL! :) 3) ummm...that might have been it actually. Oh, but please pray for the team of us as volunteers. there have been some tense times, they all have issues, not me :) But we need to be in unity and God just keeps telling me to LOVE...so pray that love would abound in our house as we learn how to deal with conflict. Pray for the community. There are so many spiritual powers at work that are not from God and they are in bondage. Pray that the message of Christ will be salve and peace to wounded spirits and fearful lives. Pray that I would not forget my purpose for being here, that I would not be afraid to embrace, that I would stop comparing and trust that the Love of God is on me already. Pray that my heart would be broken daily, that I would not shut off the overflow of emotions out of embarrassment, that I would be raw and moldable before God. Thank you all for your continual support! I am growing to love Africa, the people, the food, the experiences...but I am reminded daily that this is not an experience, this is a life. I in no way want to glorify this as an experience, commercialize it, or minimize the lives of the people here. They will not leave this place thinking it an experience, it is a life, it is reality and we all need to be aware that for many there is no escape, no hitting rock bottom, no one year only commitment. I want to remain sensitive to this.
Love you all!
3.03.2007
Snakes on a what????
Week 1:
I am here now, and finally begining to settle in a bit. Honestly I have been struggling, wondering what in the WORLD I am doing here and praying that if I shouldn't be here, for God to let me go home. No, I don't really want to go home, but I don't want to feel this pit in my heart, this lump in my throat and the fear that I've had either. God has blessed, I know this. I had a row to myself on the plane out here...the whole way here and slept like a professional without the help of anxiety meds or sleeping pills, nice! I met some shady characters at my hotel the night in Jo'berg but they actually gave me someone to talk to as well and I received a coffee and "special drink" (maybe coke and lime) from each and was glad for conversation.
The flight to Nelspruit had an unexpected blessing as the man I sat next to on the shuttle to the plane, after I had asked him the time, and after he asked me where I was headed, said "hello Megan, I'm Marc...from Hands@Work".... I was a bit concerned at first as to how he knew my name but found that he snuck a peek at my boarding pass and put the peices together. My heart was put at ease on the small plane ride to Nelspruit and was even more overwhelmed as I stepped from busy chaos of Jo'berg onto the peaceful and pleasant soils of Nelspruit. We landed on an airstrip in the mountains, green everywhere and it was misting...always a blessing from God when it rains.
We arrived at my accommodations, me a bit shell shocked and in desperate need of a bed. My housemate and fellow volunteer, Farzam (whom I call Shaz as I can't pronounce his name correctly), met us at the schoolhouse where we were staying. It was just the two of us that first night and we actually bonded quite well. The schoolhouse was pretty empty, open downstairs with two bathrooms and a kitchen. Up the very steep stairs to the top floor was where we would stay, boys on the right, girls on the left. Our rooms smelled strongly of urine and the building was built of wood. Three beds in each room and not even as much space as my room back home...I wasn't too impressed but figured it wasn't about comfort, right?! The view from the balcony made it better though, a look out onto all of the Masoyi community and the sky bigger than I have seen before. It was beautiful. I wasn't happy to hear that we weren't in a gated area, the gate was a few 20 feet away surrounding the family that was volunteering with us and a couple of other local families. We were on the outskirts. I also found that there were bats, squirrels and I believe rats in our attic...fun noises coming through the slanted ceilings above our beds. I was terrified! The roof was tin and it rained the first two nights...I loved the sound and got to hear much of it as I laid awake, terrified of what might happen during the night. We have to alarm ourselves in at night...I learned that there have been a series of breakins within the area, especially our Christian campuses as the robbers had no need to worry about guns...my anxieties rose higher and higher. I also learned to walk hard...so that the Cobra's knew I was coming...can you just believe I wrote that?! Cobras!!!! Yeck, yep, terrified!
I made fast friends with the family of James and Megan and there three girls, twins Kayla and Gigi both three, and their youngest, Valen, who is two. They have been the joy of my heart with their love, hugs, and girly screams. I thank God that they are here as they make everything feel like home. Through some amazing events they were able to move down to the School of Missions, about a 7 minute walk down the road from the schoolhouse and we were able to move into the house right inside the electric fence. I miss them being so close but both our groups are relieved to have more security. The house has yellow, orange, blue and brown rooms...a backyard veranda, a washing machine (thank God) two bathrooms, four bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room...it is WONDERFUL! And there are three big dogs who live within the gate that love to protect. There are two guava trees right outside the front door which just tickles me...they taste like grapefruit too...which you all know I LOVE!
Brooke, the last of us singles arrived on Tuesday night, she is my girl partner and my roommate now. It's nice to have a girl to talk to and has been encouraging to me these past few days. I was doing okay at first, but the tears have been flowing. A spirit of fear has been in my heart and I have really needed to begin to trust God and release that stronghold...God is good though, and has been speaking peace to me.
They drive on the left here, you have to pay for bags at the Pick 'n Pay (our grocery) cell phones are called cells, a phone will cost you less than $30...wonderful! The people are beautiful, HIV doesn't look like what you might think, you call the grandma's Gogo's, You address the older women with Ma before their name..."good morning Mabeauty". They like instant coffee, there is tea time at 10 and 2, we go to bed when the sun goes down (around 7 or 8), there is electicity, I am sitting in a mall, life still goes on....
I saw a Zebra, no Monkey's yet...I hope to get some pictures soon but my camera has been locked away for safety's sake...I've got it now and need to start snapping the pics. I got tomorrow to live in the Masoyi community for four days. I will live in a child-headed home. the parents have died, and they children are left to survive on their own. I hope to bring love and FUN. It is a scary thing, no electric fences there, no dogs to protect, possibly no bed to lay in or shower to clean in or bathroom to use. The clean water is limited and the resources very few....this is to make their life reality for me, and I pray that God will teach me and that I will be open enough to learn. I don't want to be too scared to hear from Him, you know?!
Pray for me...I need some peace so I can start loving on people without fear.
Trust in God with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct they paths Proverbs 3:5&6 - The speaker brought me a card with this verse written on it, he said the Lord had laid it on his heart to give me...God is asking me to trust Him, and I am going to...just you watch! :)
LOve YOU!!!
I am here now, and finally begining to settle in a bit. Honestly I have been struggling, wondering what in the WORLD I am doing here and praying that if I shouldn't be here, for God to let me go home. No, I don't really want to go home, but I don't want to feel this pit in my heart, this lump in my throat and the fear that I've had either. God has blessed, I know this. I had a row to myself on the plane out here...the whole way here and slept like a professional without the help of anxiety meds or sleeping pills, nice! I met some shady characters at my hotel the night in Jo'berg but they actually gave me someone to talk to as well and I received a coffee and "special drink" (maybe coke and lime) from each and was glad for conversation.
The flight to Nelspruit had an unexpected blessing as the man I sat next to on the shuttle to the plane, after I had asked him the time, and after he asked me where I was headed, said "hello Megan, I'm Marc...from Hands@Work".... I was a bit concerned at first as to how he knew my name but found that he snuck a peek at my boarding pass and put the peices together. My heart was put at ease on the small plane ride to Nelspruit and was even more overwhelmed as I stepped from busy chaos of Jo'berg onto the peaceful and pleasant soils of Nelspruit. We landed on an airstrip in the mountains, green everywhere and it was misting...always a blessing from God when it rains.
We arrived at my accommodations, me a bit shell shocked and in desperate need of a bed. My housemate and fellow volunteer, Farzam (whom I call Shaz as I can't pronounce his name correctly), met us at the schoolhouse where we were staying. It was just the two of us that first night and we actually bonded quite well. The schoolhouse was pretty empty, open downstairs with two bathrooms and a kitchen. Up the very steep stairs to the top floor was where we would stay, boys on the right, girls on the left. Our rooms smelled strongly of urine and the building was built of wood. Three beds in each room and not even as much space as my room back home...I wasn't too impressed but figured it wasn't about comfort, right?! The view from the balcony made it better though, a look out onto all of the Masoyi community and the sky bigger than I have seen before. It was beautiful. I wasn't happy to hear that we weren't in a gated area, the gate was a few 20 feet away surrounding the family that was volunteering with us and a couple of other local families. We were on the outskirts. I also found that there were bats, squirrels and I believe rats in our attic...fun noises coming through the slanted ceilings above our beds. I was terrified! The roof was tin and it rained the first two nights...I loved the sound and got to hear much of it as I laid awake, terrified of what might happen during the night. We have to alarm ourselves in at night...I learned that there have been a series of breakins within the area, especially our Christian campuses as the robbers had no need to worry about guns...my anxieties rose higher and higher. I also learned to walk hard...so that the Cobra's knew I was coming...can you just believe I wrote that?! Cobras!!!! Yeck, yep, terrified!
I made fast friends with the family of James and Megan and there three girls, twins Kayla and Gigi both three, and their youngest, Valen, who is two. They have been the joy of my heart with their love, hugs, and girly screams. I thank God that they are here as they make everything feel like home. Through some amazing events they were able to move down to the School of Missions, about a 7 minute walk down the road from the schoolhouse and we were able to move into the house right inside the electric fence. I miss them being so close but both our groups are relieved to have more security. The house has yellow, orange, blue and brown rooms...a backyard veranda, a washing machine (thank God) two bathrooms, four bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room...it is WONDERFUL! And there are three big dogs who live within the gate that love to protect. There are two guava trees right outside the front door which just tickles me...they taste like grapefruit too...which you all know I LOVE!
Brooke, the last of us singles arrived on Tuesday night, she is my girl partner and my roommate now. It's nice to have a girl to talk to and has been encouraging to me these past few days. I was doing okay at first, but the tears have been flowing. A spirit of fear has been in my heart and I have really needed to begin to trust God and release that stronghold...God is good though, and has been speaking peace to me.
They drive on the left here, you have to pay for bags at the Pick 'n Pay (our grocery) cell phones are called cells, a phone will cost you less than $30...wonderful! The people are beautiful, HIV doesn't look like what you might think, you call the grandma's Gogo's, You address the older women with Ma before their name..."good morning Mabeauty". They like instant coffee, there is tea time at 10 and 2, we go to bed when the sun goes down (around 7 or 8), there is electicity, I am sitting in a mall, life still goes on....
I saw a Zebra, no Monkey's yet...I hope to get some pictures soon but my camera has been locked away for safety's sake...I've got it now and need to start snapping the pics. I got tomorrow to live in the Masoyi community for four days. I will live in a child-headed home. the parents have died, and they children are left to survive on their own. I hope to bring love and FUN. It is a scary thing, no electric fences there, no dogs to protect, possibly no bed to lay in or shower to clean in or bathroom to use. The clean water is limited and the resources very few....this is to make their life reality for me, and I pray that God will teach me and that I will be open enough to learn. I don't want to be too scared to hear from Him, you know?!
Pray for me...I need some peace so I can start loving on people without fear.
Trust in God with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct they paths Proverbs 3:5&6 - The speaker brought me a card with this verse written on it, he said the Lord had laid it on his heart to give me...God is asking me to trust Him, and I am going to...just you watch! :)
LOve YOU!!!
2.21.2007
Drum Roll Please
I just paid off one of my student loans, oh beautiful bliss...this loan has been a chain around my neck causing many obsessive characteristics in Megan to surface, it's true, it hasn't been pretty...
this loan was not defer-able, not consolidate-able, and the interest rate could be whatever it felt like being. I paid on it while I was in school and I would have to pay on it if I had gone into the peace corps (a big reason why I didn't go after college) and I would have needed to pay on it while in Africa. This loan was no respecter of persons, it just wanted it's money. Well, no longer can you have your grasp on me Mr. loan #1 as I referred to him in my budget, you are gone. Good riddance!
I also had my crown placed today and it is beautiful. If anyone wants to see it before I go be sure to stop by and I will let you take a look! :)
thanks for the prayers! All seems to be going smoothly!
this loan was not defer-able, not consolidate-able, and the interest rate could be whatever it felt like being. I paid on it while I was in school and I would have to pay on it if I had gone into the peace corps (a big reason why I didn't go after college) and I would have needed to pay on it while in Africa. This loan was no respecter of persons, it just wanted it's money. Well, no longer can you have your grasp on me Mr. loan #1 as I referred to him in my budget, you are gone. Good riddance!
I also had my crown placed today and it is beautiful. If anyone wants to see it before I go be sure to stop by and I will let you take a look! :)
thanks for the prayers! All seems to be going smoothly!
2.20.2007
Packing for American Women
Okay, let's see here...Do I need this shirt? Oh yes, definitely, it will be helpful during those colder months to have a long sleeved shirt like this one. What about this one? Well, the color is a little deeper, more brilliant, I will feel better in this shirt, so yeah, I've got to bring this one as well. Well, what about these other ones? Well, yeah, I think I am going to need all of them, you know, you can never be too prepared!
Inventory:
Red long sleeved shirt, Check
Deeper Red long sleeved shirt, Check
Red and White long sleeved shirt, Check
Red shirt with bow, Check
....
Jeans, Check
Dark blue jeans, Check
Light blue jeans, Check
Ratty blue jeans, Check
...
Green sweater, Check
Tan Sweater, Check
Red Sweater, Check
Blue sweater, Check
....
One more red long sleeved shirt, just in case, Check
Ugh, this is impossible! I think I need everything and I can honestly justify it ALL! I am usually the girl who packs just enough, and not for looking good, but just to have clothes on my back, and usually I develop this "Ugly Betty" complex as EVERYONE else looks cuter than I do. I am not sure why I feel it is necessary to look cute in Africa, but the thought is a little comforting, I mean, who knows what the situations will be, at the very least I can look cute while I am in them, Right? Before you all judge me as the shallow girl that I know that I can be, just remember that you would be thinking the same things, but I will fess up to them, I can be honest, okay?! :)
So, I might be doing some re-adjusting of my bags, getting rid of a few red long sleeved shirts, MAYBE...depends on how I am feeling when I do my do-over of the packing, but don't hold me to it! Yeah, this is difficult, have you ever tried packing for a year and fitting in all into two pieces of luggage that don't weigh more than 50lbs? I would like to hear how you did since you obviously think I am ridiculous by this point!
Just livin' the dream....
Inventory:
Red long sleeved shirt, Check
Deeper Red long sleeved shirt, Check
Red and White long sleeved shirt, Check
Red shirt with bow, Check
....
Jeans, Check
Dark blue jeans, Check
Light blue jeans, Check
Ratty blue jeans, Check
...
Green sweater, Check
Tan Sweater, Check
Red Sweater, Check
Blue sweater, Check
....
One more red long sleeved shirt, just in case, Check
Ugh, this is impossible! I think I need everything and I can honestly justify it ALL! I am usually the girl who packs just enough, and not for looking good, but just to have clothes on my back, and usually I develop this "Ugly Betty" complex as EVERYONE else looks cuter than I do. I am not sure why I feel it is necessary to look cute in Africa, but the thought is a little comforting, I mean, who knows what the situations will be, at the very least I can look cute while I am in them, Right? Before you all judge me as the shallow girl that I know that I can be, just remember that you would be thinking the same things, but I will fess up to them, I can be honest, okay?! :)
So, I might be doing some re-adjusting of my bags, getting rid of a few red long sleeved shirts, MAYBE...depends on how I am feeling when I do my do-over of the packing, but don't hold me to it! Yeah, this is difficult, have you ever tried packing for a year and fitting in all into two pieces of luggage that don't weigh more than 50lbs? I would like to hear how you did since you obviously think I am ridiculous by this point!
Just livin' the dream....
For Jimmy
"Arise, shine" Isaiah 60:1
"We have to take the first step as though there were no God. It is no use to wait for God to help us, He will not; but immediately we arise we find He is there. Whenever God inspires, the initiative is a moral one. We must do the thing and not lie like a log. If we will arise and shine, drudgery becomes divinely transfigured."
~The Initiative against drudgery, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers~
I wish I had read this before we went to coffee, but it totally applies to our conversation! Go ahead, Arise, Shine! :)
"We have to take the first step as though there were no God. It is no use to wait for God to help us, He will not; but immediately we arise we find He is there. Whenever God inspires, the initiative is a moral one. We must do the thing and not lie like a log. If we will arise and shine, drudgery becomes divinely transfigured."
~The Initiative against drudgery, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers~
I wish I had read this before we went to coffee, but it totally applies to our conversation! Go ahead, Arise, Shine! :)
2.19.2007
Freedom in many forms
I know I know, it has been a while...I have been busy wrapping some things up and feel that I can shout now, FREE AT LAST, free at last, Thank God almighty, I'm free at last! It hasn't quite set in yet but I knew that it was a special thing to my spirit to be free of University of Phoenix. All you who still work there, you are there for a reason, but I felt that my spirit was being squashed there and I am so happy to be free of the money mentality. It has been 2+ years in the making and I stuck it out, but Thank You Jesus that you said OK, you can leave now!
So, a bit of an update - I did get medical coverage so prayers have been answered! It was a no stress type of thing with this new plan, they didn't ask any details on preexisting conditions so that was a bit of a relief. Although they still do not cover any preexisting conditions they couldn't rule me out due to past health issues. It was also almost $200 dollars less than the other plan, and this was a blessing as well. Keep the crown in your prayers, I go in for that this Wednesday...
Last Sunday we had a special time at the Gathering service with prayer and a bit of a "Megan presentation". It was an encouragement to see people's interest in my upcoming year as well as an outpouring of love and prayer. Honestly I wasn't sure how the evening was going to go...I find it difficult to ask my peers for support. I think I have sadly come to the thought that my generation is one without passion and I expect that no one will be interested or see the need for what I am called to do, but I am completely wrong in this. This is an area that I need to work on in my thinking. I hate it when others place me into a box and decide who i am without my input, but I all too often find myself doing exactly that with others and it isn't right and it isn't fair. The Gathering as a whole gave an outstanding amount of support, both financially and in prayer and I am thankful, so Thank you! Just stands to remind me to never underestimate anyone.
Okay, so I am going a bit out of order with my updates, but hopefully it all comes through okay ...just bare with me :)
Another huge blessing came to me this week in the form of a digital camera. I knew about this for a while but received it this week as a gift from a long time friend. Amazingly I had not expressed my want of a digital camera to anyone but only wrote it down in a list and the very next day received the news that this particular person felt led to buy a camera for me. It is great and I love the camera. I will now be able to post pictures of my trip and keep you all up to date with the latest fashion trends of Africa! :) Thank you so much for this! You have been a reminder of God's mysterious ways.
Emotional Update - I have been saying a lot of goodbyes...this isn't fun. I am hoping that there are no expectations of the goodbyes as I am worn out. I feel numb...and I am also at peace. A strange combination I must say, but I am not sad to leave behind what i have here...I am sad to leave those that I love - but I know that you aren't going anywhere, I know that those who love me will still love me throughout this year and will still be here when I return...all the rest - it isn't enough to make me stay, so I don't feel sad to leave. I need to do this and I am so excited to go and move into a place where I feel God has clearly led and directed me to. I get afraid when I think of all the possibilities, all of the unknown, but those things are also exciting and fill me with thoughts of adventure, challenge, and struggle. I love that stuff, always have. If it isn't hard, well then I'm usually not too interested. Ohhhh....why am I saying all of this?! I am just ready to go, but I cannot clearly communicate it all or describe the myriad feelings inside of me.
Last night and today in all of the services at Word of Grace Pastor Gary prayed for me. I went to each of the services and took part in the worship before the prayer and then was able to leave. At each service I left with tears in my eyes over the same songs. I felt that I was finally able to release some of the emotions I have been storing up inside of me and was relieved to cry. A man in the band played his ??Clarinet?? and played a beautiful arrangement of Amazing Grace. The solo started with high sweet tones plunging to deep clear sounds and I imagined myself freely dancing before my Savior, expressing finally outwardly my inner joy at his complete acceptance and overwhelming love for me. It was personal and private, the bride with her groom basking in His love and hearing His tender voice speak of the great Grace that He has given to her, a fallen woman, an adulterous woman who desperately seeks a true love, one true love. Oh the joy to know that I have found Him and that He accepts me as I am...and I danced with flowing garments of rich colors of boldness and redemption before Him. I danced to show Him my love for His Amazing Grace and I was filled with joy, it radiated out of my spirit and shone in His presence, and I loved Him...I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see. It was a sweet moment with Jesus!
This upcoming week will be spent packing and giving things away :) I am excited to downsize and de-clutter. Watch out Goodwill, your trucks will be filled to the top!
So, a bit of an update - I did get medical coverage so prayers have been answered! It was a no stress type of thing with this new plan, they didn't ask any details on preexisting conditions so that was a bit of a relief. Although they still do not cover any preexisting conditions they couldn't rule me out due to past health issues. It was also almost $200 dollars less than the other plan, and this was a blessing as well. Keep the crown in your prayers, I go in for that this Wednesday...
Last Sunday we had a special time at the Gathering service with prayer and a bit of a "Megan presentation". It was an encouragement to see people's interest in my upcoming year as well as an outpouring of love and prayer. Honestly I wasn't sure how the evening was going to go...I find it difficult to ask my peers for support. I think I have sadly come to the thought that my generation is one without passion and I expect that no one will be interested or see the need for what I am called to do, but I am completely wrong in this. This is an area that I need to work on in my thinking. I hate it when others place me into a box and decide who i am without my input, but I all too often find myself doing exactly that with others and it isn't right and it isn't fair. The Gathering as a whole gave an outstanding amount of support, both financially and in prayer and I am thankful, so Thank you! Just stands to remind me to never underestimate anyone.
Okay, so I am going a bit out of order with my updates, but hopefully it all comes through okay ...just bare with me :)
Another huge blessing came to me this week in the form of a digital camera. I knew about this for a while but received it this week as a gift from a long time friend. Amazingly I had not expressed my want of a digital camera to anyone but only wrote it down in a list and the very next day received the news that this particular person felt led to buy a camera for me. It is great and I love the camera. I will now be able to post pictures of my trip and keep you all up to date with the latest fashion trends of Africa! :) Thank you so much for this! You have been a reminder of God's mysterious ways.
Emotional Update - I have been saying a lot of goodbyes...this isn't fun. I am hoping that there are no expectations of the goodbyes as I am worn out. I feel numb...and I am also at peace. A strange combination I must say, but I am not sad to leave behind what i have here...I am sad to leave those that I love - but I know that you aren't going anywhere, I know that those who love me will still love me throughout this year and will still be here when I return...all the rest - it isn't enough to make me stay, so I don't feel sad to leave. I need to do this and I am so excited to go and move into a place where I feel God has clearly led and directed me to. I get afraid when I think of all the possibilities, all of the unknown, but those things are also exciting and fill me with thoughts of adventure, challenge, and struggle. I love that stuff, always have. If it isn't hard, well then I'm usually not too interested. Ohhhh....why am I saying all of this?! I am just ready to go, but I cannot clearly communicate it all or describe the myriad feelings inside of me.
Last night and today in all of the services at Word of Grace Pastor Gary prayed for me. I went to each of the services and took part in the worship before the prayer and then was able to leave. At each service I left with tears in my eyes over the same songs. I felt that I was finally able to release some of the emotions I have been storing up inside of me and was relieved to cry. A man in the band played his ??Clarinet?? and played a beautiful arrangement of Amazing Grace. The solo started with high sweet tones plunging to deep clear sounds and I imagined myself freely dancing before my Savior, expressing finally outwardly my inner joy at his complete acceptance and overwhelming love for me. It was personal and private, the bride with her groom basking in His love and hearing His tender voice speak of the great Grace that He has given to her, a fallen woman, an adulterous woman who desperately seeks a true love, one true love. Oh the joy to know that I have found Him and that He accepts me as I am...and I danced with flowing garments of rich colors of boldness and redemption before Him. I danced to show Him my love for His Amazing Grace and I was filled with joy, it radiated out of my spirit and shone in His presence, and I loved Him...I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see. It was a sweet moment with Jesus!
This upcoming week will be spent packing and giving things away :) I am excited to downsize and de-clutter. Watch out Goodwill, your trucks will be filled to the top!
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