I was surrounded by many wise men and women these past two weeks as I have been in Malawi joining Word of Grace on a mission trip. I loved every single one of the members who came on the trip and was encouraged so much. God is good!
JR was funny with his new best friend Gary. They were the construction team and also the comedic relief for the mixture of many very serious conversations.
JR shared something with me that Gary told him that has stuck in my mind since.
"Most people think the grass is greener on the other side, but really, the grass is greener where you water it"
Simple right? But its big actually, especially for me. I have opperated out of fear for much of my life. I think I live against fear only to succumb to bigger fears. Let me see if I can explain this. I have always said that I wouldn't let fear hold me back from anything, but I am coming to see that it is also fear that keeps me moving. THis fear is one of becoming stagnant, of living a dull and lifeless existence in Arizona, of becoming like my father, my mother....the list goes on. So you may look at me and see a woman who is Courageous and who looks fear in the face as I move from country to country in Africa all by myself...but there is more to me than just these things. Motivation counts for a lot actually.
What does it mean to be content? Could I sit at the feet of Jesus and be? I move, I run, I escape. I stay for as long as it is safe to my heart, to stay protected, and I run when I fear things may become too...I don't know what...too normal maybe.
This may be a lifelong struggle for me, but my desire is to hear God's voice above the voices of fear in my head that rob me of peace and rest.
He wispers to me gently, Peace, Be Still...and in my doubt I struggle and debate to know if it was really Him to wispered these things to me...and I run, again.
I think I would like to start watering my grass where I am, to learn how to rest, to find my contentment in God, to find the value of my days when I look into the face of my Savior.
This is big for me, really big, and I hope that you would pray for me in this, it makes the difference between life and death for my future, living in freedom or fear.
Love to all and peace that passes all understanding.
P.S. MY parents are great, okay?! :)
10.28.2007
10.19.2007
Prayer of a child
"Dear God, I don't have the strength to walk alone, so please give me your strength and walk with me"
Moses, 7 years old, HIV positive, Malawi
Moses, 7 years old, HIV positive, Malawi
10.12.2007
Adventures on a Bus
I was warned about taking the bus, but as the typical Megan usual does, I went with my plans rather than warnings of others. You know, you hear different things all around, so who are you supposed to listen to?
I left Luanshya at 6am to be at the station leaving at 7:20am. I then traveled to Lusaka on bus, 4 hours and stopping only once for the toilet to find masses of women waiting in lines to get some relief. I avoided drinking water as I knew it would be trouble for me. The stench was overwhelming and the task difficult. Hold onto purse, lift trousers up from floor to avoid soakage, squat over disgusting toilet, hold nose from breathing in, then try to focus on what you are trying to do....it is exciting to say the least.
The man sitting next to me was a Christian and asked a lot of questions about God, why the middle east was at war, all sorts of things that I didn't have answers for. I am finding it a bit empowering to have my answer be "I don't know"...cause I don't, I don't' have the answers for everything. I mean, I know I look like a person who should, but surprisingly, I don't :)
I arrived in Lusaka at 11:45 and my next bus was to leave at Noon. There was a man there who had booked my ticket for me so I met up with him, paid him, and went to wait for my bus. Swarms of Caponias (vendors and sweet talkers) surrounded me asking to take my bags for only a mear K20,000 which is absolutely ridiculous. I enjoy being more of a local and understanding when someone is trying to rip me off. I fought with the guys and found a nice girl there who helped me with my bags. Finding a seat was a chore when the bus arrived. My only view was of a two seat bench, already taken by a mother with two small children offering me the other seat that my elbow might not even squeeze into. I felt like crying, getting that hot feeling in my eyes as I walked back to the front of the bus to tell my new friend that it was impossible. A man heard me and offered me a seat at the front that he had his bag in. It was a huge blessing!
The bus ended up leaving at 2pm, so much for rushing, and after 30 minutes was pulled over by the police. Threatened to make us turn back they had to pay off the police to let us continue. The issue was a big one. Our 60 passenger bus was filled to the top inside. There was no aisle in which to walk but only a jungle gym of sorts to crawl your way through. bags were everywhere and I was sure if there was an accident it would be almost impossible for us to get out of the bus.
I hoped to read or write during the ride but this was no luxury bus, it was a lucky to have a seat for the entire ride type of bus. During this 10 trek to the border we stopped once, yes, ONCE. The ladies all ran for the toilet and found a cement structure with a piece of wood in front of the door opening to squeeze through to get inside. Mosquitoes swarmed over the steamy troughs in the floor and women found any spot they could to relieve themselves. No privacy, not a time for modesty, just a time to get things done. It was disgusting and a bit embarrassing to have a crowded room full of half-clothed women. One of the women looked at me and said, "after your done just forget about this." somehow I think we expect because this is normal for most African toilets that they must be okay with it, but I don't think anyone could enjoy that...they endure it because that is the only option. I personally would rather go behind a bush.
Upon getting back into the bus I noticed a small roach on my seat, I brushed it off and became aware of a swarm of roaches crawling through the bench in front of me. Time to practice mind over matter I tried to block it out and be okay, heck, everyone else had to be so why not me! I couldn't get it out of my head though, stamping my feet randomly on the floor and batting at anything that brushed against me I was a paranoid girl for the rest of the journey.
I drifted off to sleep after the border and woke to find we were in Lilongwe. It looked to me like the streets of Guatemala so I liked it right away. I only made this quick observation and drifted back to sleep. My bed was to be my bus seat for the rest of the evening since I arrived around 2:30 in the morning. Most of the passengers did the same so we all slept in our seats parked at the bus station. One man was snoring loudly. I was woken around 4:30am to a bright light and music coming from the bus. Time to off-load so they could clean and prepare for the next trip. I sat shivering on the cement steps of the station with the other ladies. The only white girl around as usual. I was exhausted. I had no SIM card to phone in Malawi so I had to wait for the stores to open to tell my ride that I was there. Around 5:30 one of the ladies escorted me to the corner and pointed where I could get a SIM card. I trekked down the block, rolling my suitcase behind me, trying not to notice all the attention pointed towards me as I walked. I came to Malawi with 500 Malawian Kwacha. The SIM card was 400 Kwacha and the smalled amount of talk time available was 70 Kwacha. It was enough for me to send a text message so I did. with only 30 kwacha to my name I sat at the Gas station and hoped that my ride would be able to find me well.
When I was picked up I was told that I slept and walked through the most dangerous area in all of Lilongwe. Good times! :) Ignorance truly is bliss I must say. I felt like a hero, empowered by God's protection and blessings.
Arriving at the guesthouse after 24 hours of bus rides felt like stepping into paradise. My body was so exhausted, dirty, and hungry without a meal all day as well. I welcomed the early continental breakfast and then took a bath, the first luxury bath I've had in almost 8 months. I felt spoiled. It is truly amazing that hot water still comes from taps in parts of this world. I wish it came out of my taps at home! I soaked, my aim to rid my body of the deep dirt that covered my body. I scrubbed three months of Zambian dirt of my feet, and felt truly clean for the first time in a LONG time.
I am happy to be here, looking forward to seeing JR, Karl, Theresa, and being part of Malawi for some time.
I planned on taking another bus to Mozambique once I leave...I am re-thinking that idea :)
I left Luanshya at 6am to be at the station leaving at 7:20am. I then traveled to Lusaka on bus, 4 hours and stopping only once for the toilet to find masses of women waiting in lines to get some relief. I avoided drinking water as I knew it would be trouble for me. The stench was overwhelming and the task difficult. Hold onto purse, lift trousers up from floor to avoid soakage, squat over disgusting toilet, hold nose from breathing in, then try to focus on what you are trying to do....it is exciting to say the least.
The man sitting next to me was a Christian and asked a lot of questions about God, why the middle east was at war, all sorts of things that I didn't have answers for. I am finding it a bit empowering to have my answer be "I don't know"...cause I don't, I don't' have the answers for everything. I mean, I know I look like a person who should, but surprisingly, I don't :)
I arrived in Lusaka at 11:45 and my next bus was to leave at Noon. There was a man there who had booked my ticket for me so I met up with him, paid him, and went to wait for my bus. Swarms of Caponias (vendors and sweet talkers) surrounded me asking to take my bags for only a mear K20,000 which is absolutely ridiculous. I enjoy being more of a local and understanding when someone is trying to rip me off. I fought with the guys and found a nice girl there who helped me with my bags. Finding a seat was a chore when the bus arrived. My only view was of a two seat bench, already taken by a mother with two small children offering me the other seat that my elbow might not even squeeze into. I felt like crying, getting that hot feeling in my eyes as I walked back to the front of the bus to tell my new friend that it was impossible. A man heard me and offered me a seat at the front that he had his bag in. It was a huge blessing!
The bus ended up leaving at 2pm, so much for rushing, and after 30 minutes was pulled over by the police. Threatened to make us turn back they had to pay off the police to let us continue. The issue was a big one. Our 60 passenger bus was filled to the top inside. There was no aisle in which to walk but only a jungle gym of sorts to crawl your way through. bags were everywhere and I was sure if there was an accident it would be almost impossible for us to get out of the bus.
I hoped to read or write during the ride but this was no luxury bus, it was a lucky to have a seat for the entire ride type of bus. During this 10 trek to the border we stopped once, yes, ONCE. The ladies all ran for the toilet and found a cement structure with a piece of wood in front of the door opening to squeeze through to get inside. Mosquitoes swarmed over the steamy troughs in the floor and women found any spot they could to relieve themselves. No privacy, not a time for modesty, just a time to get things done. It was disgusting and a bit embarrassing to have a crowded room full of half-clothed women. One of the women looked at me and said, "after your done just forget about this." somehow I think we expect because this is normal for most African toilets that they must be okay with it, but I don't think anyone could enjoy that...they endure it because that is the only option. I personally would rather go behind a bush.
Upon getting back into the bus I noticed a small roach on my seat, I brushed it off and became aware of a swarm of roaches crawling through the bench in front of me. Time to practice mind over matter I tried to block it out and be okay, heck, everyone else had to be so why not me! I couldn't get it out of my head though, stamping my feet randomly on the floor and batting at anything that brushed against me I was a paranoid girl for the rest of the journey.
I drifted off to sleep after the border and woke to find we were in Lilongwe. It looked to me like the streets of Guatemala so I liked it right away. I only made this quick observation and drifted back to sleep. My bed was to be my bus seat for the rest of the evening since I arrived around 2:30 in the morning. Most of the passengers did the same so we all slept in our seats parked at the bus station. One man was snoring loudly. I was woken around 4:30am to a bright light and music coming from the bus. Time to off-load so they could clean and prepare for the next trip. I sat shivering on the cement steps of the station with the other ladies. The only white girl around as usual. I was exhausted. I had no SIM card to phone in Malawi so I had to wait for the stores to open to tell my ride that I was there. Around 5:30 one of the ladies escorted me to the corner and pointed where I could get a SIM card. I trekked down the block, rolling my suitcase behind me, trying not to notice all the attention pointed towards me as I walked. I came to Malawi with 500 Malawian Kwacha. The SIM card was 400 Kwacha and the smalled amount of talk time available was 70 Kwacha. It was enough for me to send a text message so I did. with only 30 kwacha to my name I sat at the Gas station and hoped that my ride would be able to find me well.
When I was picked up I was told that I slept and walked through the most dangerous area in all of Lilongwe. Good times! :) Ignorance truly is bliss I must say. I felt like a hero, empowered by God's protection and blessings.
Arriving at the guesthouse after 24 hours of bus rides felt like stepping into paradise. My body was so exhausted, dirty, and hungry without a meal all day as well. I welcomed the early continental breakfast and then took a bath, the first luxury bath I've had in almost 8 months. I felt spoiled. It is truly amazing that hot water still comes from taps in parts of this world. I wish it came out of my taps at home! I soaked, my aim to rid my body of the deep dirt that covered my body. I scrubbed three months of Zambian dirt of my feet, and felt truly clean for the first time in a LONG time.
I am happy to be here, looking forward to seeing JR, Karl, Theresa, and being part of Malawi for some time.
I planned on taking another bus to Mozambique once I leave...I am re-thinking that idea :)
10.02.2007
Does she DO anything out there???
"After every time of exaltation we are brought down with a sudden rush into things as they are where it is neither beautiful nor poetic nor thrilling"
I felt this quote fit perfectly for what I wanted to tell you all about today. I know that I don't write much about my "JOB" and that is probably because it isn't very interesting to me. The things of Africa that grow me and stretch me have nothing to do with my responsibilities here but rather my daily interactions with my spirit and self living in Africa, a place altogether different from what I have known. But I understand it is necessary to explain what I am doing during my time other than existing.
Currently my responsibilities are Administrative in nature. I am stuck in the office to be specific. The plans for me doing training have not come to fruition and I am training in a very different way. We were able to get an Internet connection for the office which is a huge and amazing thing for small town Roan. We may be the only Internet connection around the entire township. So I have taken on the task of teaching the staff at the office how to use a computer, how to access Internet, how to connect with their funders, and shortcuts for everything in between. It feels a bit elementary to me because I have been on the computer since grade 7, but here, adults have never even used a computer before. In the midst of my teachings I am also applying for funding for the projects. I have submitted three major funding proposals to a project in Canada called WOW to provide some of our community schools with uniforms for the kids, paper to write on and soap to use at home. Again, these things may sound very small to you, but here, the impact is major. These kids are mostly orphans, only having one outfit in their possession, and struggling to go to school using scrap paper we would just throw away. This is what they have to use. So these funds will empower the children to feel a bit more "normal" to get to change when they go home, to have a distinction between home and school, to have paper and pencils to write with, to have the opportunity to bathe with soap for a while. It is great. I've been able to go and see a couple of the community schools out in the Bush and it was so helpful for me to see the kids that will be benefiting from these funds and understand a bit more of the impact that will be made.
You know, I wanted to escape the office in America and I find myself in the office, even in Africa. It isn't always fun, and I don't always feel good when I go home. I often wonder what I am doing here, whether I should be ashamed of my days. But, I was reminded this morning in my devotions that we aren't always on the Mountain tops. Most of life takes place in the valley, regardless of where you live or what you are doing. It is life. Many times I wonder if the amazing things I hear about happening in Africa came from an agenda to make those things happen. To come for a short while I could come with an agenda and do something spectacular. But, I am staying, and seeing life continue as it did before the spectacular occured, and it is the valley. I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope that it does.
I felt this quote fit perfectly for what I wanted to tell you all about today. I know that I don't write much about my "JOB" and that is probably because it isn't very interesting to me. The things of Africa that grow me and stretch me have nothing to do with my responsibilities here but rather my daily interactions with my spirit and self living in Africa, a place altogether different from what I have known. But I understand it is necessary to explain what I am doing during my time other than existing.
Currently my responsibilities are Administrative in nature. I am stuck in the office to be specific. The plans for me doing training have not come to fruition and I am training in a very different way. We were able to get an Internet connection for the office which is a huge and amazing thing for small town Roan. We may be the only Internet connection around the entire township. So I have taken on the task of teaching the staff at the office how to use a computer, how to access Internet, how to connect with their funders, and shortcuts for everything in between. It feels a bit elementary to me because I have been on the computer since grade 7, but here, adults have never even used a computer before. In the midst of my teachings I am also applying for funding for the projects. I have submitted three major funding proposals to a project in Canada called WOW to provide some of our community schools with uniforms for the kids, paper to write on and soap to use at home. Again, these things may sound very small to you, but here, the impact is major. These kids are mostly orphans, only having one outfit in their possession, and struggling to go to school using scrap paper we would just throw away. This is what they have to use. So these funds will empower the children to feel a bit more "normal" to get to change when they go home, to have a distinction between home and school, to have paper and pencils to write with, to have the opportunity to bathe with soap for a while. It is great. I've been able to go and see a couple of the community schools out in the Bush and it was so helpful for me to see the kids that will be benefiting from these funds and understand a bit more of the impact that will be made.
You know, I wanted to escape the office in America and I find myself in the office, even in Africa. It isn't always fun, and I don't always feel good when I go home. I often wonder what I am doing here, whether I should be ashamed of my days. But, I was reminded this morning in my devotions that we aren't always on the Mountain tops. Most of life takes place in the valley, regardless of where you live or what you are doing. It is life. Many times I wonder if the amazing things I hear about happening in Africa came from an agenda to make those things happen. To come for a short while I could come with an agenda and do something spectacular. But, I am staying, and seeing life continue as it did before the spectacular occured, and it is the valley. I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope that it does.
Bugs and Bats
The first rain brought with it a swarm of flies. It was the first plague I have ever experienced and I pray it will never happen again. I told God that if it was to continue that I wanted to go home...immediately. Fortunately the bugs were only staying for a day. But the next night something in my spirit wasn't allowing me to sleep, I'm still not sure what was going on but I woke to the sound of wings in the night. As I slowly became more conscious of my surroundings I realized something was flying in my room. I opened my eyes to see something gross and black crawling up my mosquito net toward my unfortunate hole at the top, aiming to do serious harm to me I was sure. I crouched as low as I could to my bed as I slowly pulled out the net from being tucked and crawled on the floor to the light switch. I switched on the light and this motion drove the creature to a maniac state where it began to swoop and sway around my room. It was a BAT...UGH...I screamed and crouched down on the floor to avoid the blood sucking power of this disgusting creature...I rescued my pillow, crawled out of the room locking the door. Then I slept on the couch. It was quite the adventure and very unsettling. I asked Joe the next day to survey my house and kill any swooping creatures that meant me harm. He went over with a big bamboo stick but the bat was no where to be found, thank goodness!
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