Growing Older

So, I passed up another year in my life...I am now a big 25 years old and feeling as though I might be growing younger. Oh, and when I say "passed up" that is actually not correct, because I am embracing each moment given to me. So, passed up really just means, I am passing up the number 24 for the new number 25. Now who thought I would be 25, single, and living in AFRICA??? Not me.

Can I say a humongous THANK YOU to everyone for the overflow of cards and gifts passed through my parents for my birthday?! I was overwhelmed with gratitude and unworthiness as I opened, one after another, encouraging cards, letters, and even gifts from people I have never met but now love more than I could ever understand. There is something irresistible about love unwarrented.

Having mom and dad here was good and bad. Good in that I was able to get all the loving I wanted. Bad in that I didn't know how to absorb it all. I broke actually with their arrival. To transition from self-reliance, to have the availability of two loving parents...I could function, I didn't know how to adjust. I struggled BIG TIME with having them here. My anxieties rose, my emotions from the past three months that never truly had an opportunity to just flow, they flowed like a mighty river. Daily I was a mess, a failure, a crazy woman. Thoughts of the future are too much for me right now. I have decided that I have to just settle the future in my mind and not address it again until it is my today.

I love my parents, and bawled like a baby when I said goodbye to them. We enjoyed each other more when we were away from Roan. There just isn't much in my small house and township to keep two restless adults busy with. They were challenged in ways I probably don't even know. They walked into something with only a daughter who doesn't much enjoy explaining everything to depend on. I am the type that likes to let people jump in...and I think I forced them to do the same. They took my moods graciously, still let me put my head on their shoulder while I was grouchy and touchy. They still loved me, still told me they were proud of me, even as I aired my failures freely through my sobs, they still held me, encouraged me, were proud of me. They think I am a success...I can't even understand.

It is good to be back in Roan. I struggled being away from my small town Africa. I have been seeing a lot of the learning that is unconsciously happening in me. I see Africa in a different way, the struggle in me continues. Wanting to be around equality, wanting to be free of poverty, free of the realities of their being an otherness in the world that I am responsible for. And yet when I have an opportunity, like going to the tourist trap livingstone, I can't ignore Africa still, I can't run away from knowing the reality of the lives of the people I am surrounded by. But much of africa is fake, you can go and come home bragging on being in Africa and understand maybe even less about Africa than when you came.

I am still processing a lot, but in my much older and wiser mind, I am sure I will figure it all out...right? :)

Love and Peace to you all, and again, another thank you for making my birthday a success, I felt loved.

Childlike Wonder

I was just standing in the doorway of our office looking out onto the African land before me, a breeze comes through the doorway and makes it the most enjoyable place to be when I'm at the project. A girl around 6 years old was walking home from school in her little uniform. I watched her as she walked confidently, all alone - the only human in the scene in front of me. She walked and then all of a sudden threw down the stick she was carrying, got down on her hands and knees in the grass and began crawling around looking at something that caught her attention. She got up almost as quickly as she knelt down and went on her way, walking backwards, then turning around and running with her arms spread like a bird. I watched her until I couldn't see her anymore and felt refreshed. Oh the wonder of a child!

Becoming African

I love the styles here in Africa and am confident I will be bringing them home with me. This picture is of myself and our project Director, Margaret.

Last night Naomi and I walked to section 9 to bring some material to a girl who is sewing me and African suit. It should be awesome! On our way home we bought some of the most delicious popcorn ever, you have to go to Section 9 to get it. Freshly popped so it is hot, with salt and that fabulous taste...we walked home in the dark. I love walking in Africa! Especially while eating popcorn :)

You can see now, but will you believe???

I have a picture of my new/old hair on my flickr account...enjoy! Isn't this what you've all been waiting for??? :)

Birthday

So today is our program coordinators birthday, so I baked her lemon bars in her honor...while they were in the oven I remembered she wouldn't be at work, but I brought them anyways. We sat down for lunch which consisted of my bars and two little buns. When we set the table I started singing, "happy birthday dear margaret, Happy birthday to you."

Annie told me I was a bad daughter since margaret wasn't here to enjoy her birthday lunch. Then we all sat down to eat :)

Rats

The Bemba's and the Chewa's here in Zambia used to be at war...now they are at peace. Or so everyone thinks. But I work with them, and I know better! Daily these two tribes taunt one another, the winning tribe, the Bemba's, forcing submission from the Chewa's. It is actually really funny to see.

We have rats in our building. The Eastern province tribes, like the Chewa's eat bush Rats, so we have been joking all day about catching the rats and feeding them to the Chewa's. It should be an interesting morning tomorrow as we will see the fruits of that labor! :) I just took a picture of our most recent kill. I am feeling a little sad actually. A mamma with three of her babies. Boo.... I guess I can't really love rats right? I will post pictures as soon as the cord my father sent arrives.

I was told today that ground mail can take up to 3 months. I may not be able to post pictures until I return back to America if that is true!

Anyway, having a fun day at the office today! We were able to get internet set up here in the office. Tomorrow I am giving internet lessons! :)

When you need a toilet, you just need one!

I am having a difficult time paying attention right now to what I am writing because I have to go to the bathroom REALLY bad...but I know that trying to find a decent toilet in town is almost impossible so I am going to suffer through this for another hour or so and try not to embarrass myself and my friends with me. It didn't help matters to read the email that Georgetta just sent about ladies toilets...I should write an African version of the same email! Think about finding only a toilet that is a hole in the ground with a broken door and many armed men around you who want to use the same toilet....no where to hang the purse, no toilet paper cause why would there be, and having to stand up just to make sure no one barges in on the awkward situation....then no running water, only hand sanitizer....I could go on about the experiences here but I probably shouldn't cause it is actually only making me notice more my need to find a toilet.

On Thursday night we had a grand adventure! We took the mini-bus into town and ordered some food at the only restaurant here in town, lucky for me it is Indian food and I love Indian food. We ordered take away and then did some emailing, but only half the time at the cafe did the email actually work. We went back to the restaurant after we were finished, about a half hour after they said the food would be ready only to find the owner very upset with us because he closed his store almost 45 minutes before we arrived. When we paid the total was K69,000. We gave him K80,000 and we waited for our change. He looked at us with intention as he counted our money back...well, he didn't count our money back, he kept saying K69,000 and, and...and holding onto our change as though he wasn't going to give it back, as though he was going to charge us extra for his time. It was strange, very bold on his part, but I suggested that we just give him the K10,000 that he was very hesitant to give back to us. So we left him with the tip and ran to the station to catch the last mini-bus that would take us to our home. We arrived home to find that the power was out as it usually is on Thursday nights. We lit a couple candles and placed them in the only candle holders I have...empty water bottles. We made a table out of the floor since I don't have a table in my house and we ate by candlelight in true Indian style on the floor. It was great, we joked around and enjoyed the most delicious food I have had in a VERY long time. Naomi and Joe came over and I shared my dish with them, tricking Joe into eating a very HOT bit of something that came with the food. It was a good time. a bit later Jacob and Annie came over as well so the 7 of us sat in my candle lit sitting room and talked. It felt wonderful, natural and it was a lot of fun. After our visitors left we stayed up late and played cards. It has been so good to have friends in the house and to have a touch of something a little normal. I keep reminding myself that these gifts are from my Father who loves me.

I made Banana bread last night but you could more correctly refer to it as a lump of charcoal! It is a process to figure out the stove that I am using...nothing has turned out so far. I tried to make another batch this morning after I made a silly move and woke up at 5am to put out the trash for the trash collector that I was told comes early in the morning. I couldn't go back to sleep so I made another loaf that turned out a bit better but the top is still burnt a little. The trash men didn't come until 10am...Africa does not know Early!