The Rooster

Have I told you about my friend, the Rooster? She lives at Jacob and Annie’s with me. She is roosting…??? Uh, maybe that isn’t what it is called, but she is doing whatever it is called when she is laying eggs. So she lives in a plastic crate right now. She has a soft floor she sits on throughout the day and the children like using her temporary home for a stool when all the others are taken by us greedy adults. When the lights outside begin to go out she comes inside the kitchen to sleep. Her temporary home comes with her so she can keep comfortable on her soft floor. Every morning she does me the favor of reminding me that I am still alive as she wakes me at 5am singing her cock-a-doodle-doo song. She thinks it is beautiful and wants to sing us all lovely songs to help us remember that God’s mercies are new every morning. But oh how I wish she would wait until just a little later in the morning to sing her glory song! We are friends nevertheless and I think I will just be grateful that in the midst of my slumber I am able to be reminded of the breath that fills my lungs and the newness of another morning.

The only problem with saying that this kind Rooster is my friend is the reality that one day she may be my dinner…and that is disturbing to me! The foods I have been eating here, oh, you all would be surprised! I have been told I can be a Zambian now – this is because I can eat properly with Nshima with needing utensils. Basically, I am rocking the socks off of these Zambians who think I am just a clueless white girl. I refuse to be that girl, so I am taking chances and feeling free to get my hands dirty.

Today we picked up all sorts of rubbish around the farm and then carried it to “the pit” where all the other rubbish was thrown. Then…we burnt it! Just Laurie and myself – we were pyromaniacs and set the pit ablaze. It was glorious and very satisfying to know that we were able to do something that actually freaked us out at the beginning. You will all be happy to know that the fire stayed inside the pit and did not venture out into unwelcoming areas of the farm Hooray for we who are adventurous!

I joined the praise choir at the church and have been attempting to learn songs in Bemba. Who ever told me that English was the first language of Zambia and not to worry about a language barrier was just tricking me! I am struggling to wrap my tongue around the words here, they are long and hey, did you know that Zambians mix the R and L? I am reminded daily of my mother SoongHe who did the same. It has been a great thing actually to keep her in my heart. I smile when I think of her worshiping God. You know, at her funeral the pastor of her church reminded us of how she would stand as tall as her four foot something height would allow during worship with her hands raised up to the God that she loved and adored, singing passionately. I can hear her off-key singing, switching the l’s with r’s and vice-versa. I loved that woman so much, she was a mother to me for many years and I hold her memories dearly in my heart. We did an activity during our trainings called The Tree of My Life and we drew leaves on our trees, each symbolizing someone in our lives that made an impact. SoongHe was one of my many leaves. We were encouraged to think about whether or not we had a chance to tell that person how much they meant to our lives. I thought of how she was in the hospital and how they thought it best that I didn’t see her in the condition she was in. I hate that now. I wish I could have told her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, how thankful I was for her love that began from the moment we met. She always called me her daughter, always stood up for me, always thought the best of me. I thank God for allowing me to have her in my life for the time I did! … Goodness, I’m getting emotional and that wasn’t my intention…this was meant to be funny and endearing, but, a tribute to a mother is okay I think…I thank God that He gives us people. Even when they are gone their memories still impact our lives, and I am grateful for the sweet reminders!

To all of you who have been in my life, I appreciate you and love you very much! No matter what has happened, good or bad, I still cherish the time we had together. I don’t think there has been even one person in my life that hasn’t taught me something, and that is something to be celebrated. So here’s to you!

Love

Embracing

I am learning....to embrace makes everything okay!

I am embracing my cold showers! To just get in and not even bother with warming water, its better that way! Then when you get out of the shower you feel warmer rather than colder, try it, you'll see! I am also learning to embrace the poor communication level I have. I can't speak English and expect to be understood so I will learn Bemba faster, that is better for me. Trusting God, yeah, I am embracing that too, slowing down - that is good as well. I will move into my home this week. They fixed the water lines today, we picked up the stove on Friday, the Fridge will come tomorrow, and then we will start moving in and I am SO EXCITED!!!

I did speak with my mother, for all of you who were worried, thanks for passing on the info that they were in Minnesota. Can you believe they left without even telling me? You know, I have realized that so many of you think that your lives aren't interesting to me so you don't tell me what is going on, but I want to know! I get bored of my drama and like to hear about the seeming sanity of the states, feel free to share!

I am eating some new and interesting things. You know I was a vegetarian for 6 years...and now I am shocked at what I am putting into my body. Last night I ate these little fishes that you eat all of them, bones and all, the night before that I had some sort of beef, and before that I tried fermented milk...yuck...try drinking a container of sour cream, that is what it tastes like! They want me to try the Mopani Worm...I think I will try almost anything once, so I wouldn't mind trying, we'll see if they break them out for me to try. They scared me when I first arrived by telling me they like to eat Chihuahua...oh gosh, I was about to go puke when then they told me that was the name of a vegetable dish they make with Pumpkin leaves...relief!

I am on my way to becoming a regular Zambian, they have approved me already since I eat with my hands and pass up the noodles to eat more Nshima...hey, I like new things...maybe not all of them, but I can do this. Don't expect failure from me, I'll let you down!

I'm trying to post some pictures, we'll see if it works. Ive been trying to email one email for the past hour and it still hasn't gone....

WHY

Could someone tell me why my mother or father hasn't emailed me recently? I am feeling lonesome for home!

Things are going well here, i am still fighting that lump in my throat, even now I am feeling it, but I just keep reminding myself, and God is reminding me too, to take things one day at a time.

It is the small things that are freaking me out. The cold showers, the lack of a home, eating too much Nshima I think I am gonna get fat, wishing I had toilet paper in abundance, wanting to have an apple whenever I want...WE TAKE TOO MUCH FOR GRANTED!!! Today when you turn your shower on, thank God! You have hot water, thank God! Oh man...I long for hot water I think I could cry. OH, and a washing machine. Hand washing everything is gonna be a challenge! Oh yeah, and electricity - lucky you who have it constantly without daily power cuts! And Internet access hourly, what is that? Cell phone calls to friends, a nice latte, a MIRROR...these are the things that I don't have.

Jacob and Annie, the couple I will be working with, they are lovely! They both have amazing hearts and are real people, I am blessed! God has been meeting my every need, truly. I will be moving into my home this weekend hopefully. Pray that this will go smoothly, I am still living out of a bag. Also pray that I wouldn't be so afraid. I feel God is asking too much of me at times and wonder if I am able. But, I am not able - He is...able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine.

I am still learning, a lot about myself, also about Africa. It isnt what you would think. Our perceptions are mostly wrong.

I joined the choir at Pastor Jacob's church! Trying to get involved and stay busy so I can feel at home as soon as possible.

Love and miss you all! Especially you mom and dad!

Legalism

I came from legalism, I am an expert at legalism, and to be honest, I still am a legalist from time to time. I find it deep down inside my heart, when I begin to fear or my insecurities begin to compare myself to another I find solace in legalism...it is the only way for me to find myself "better" than someone else.

I hate legalism, it kills the spirit and a bunch of other things like love and mercy and grace and peace and acceptance and forgiveness and....I could go on but I think you get the point. Zambia is a Christian country. This is not praise, for when I say "Christian" I mean "Christian". When did we begin to determine ourselves better than everyone else? Why are we so afraid of love and grace? Pharisees, isn't that what we are, when we call ourselves Christians and then all we do is judge. When the words that we say have no connection to the deeds that we do? I am embarrassed and I want to apologize for we "Christians" who condemn others who are different from ourselves. We "Christians" are wrong, we are hateful, we are fearful, and we have not loved in the way Jesus would love. We look nothing like the God we proclaim and we shadow His name with lies.

I just spent a day going over Abuse with a group of people here. They are lovely people and I in no way want to put them down, but what they represent, the vicious words that are said make me shake with anger and ache with pain. We have got it all wrong you know. To condemn someone suffering as though they brought it upon themselves. To tell girls that they are at fault for the abuse of mindless, uncontrolled men who are supposed victims to a woman's beauty or appeal. How is that? Tell me how that works!

We asked the men to stand today and give a reason for their responsibility in rape...I felt I had won a bit of a war, asked a few people to think outside of their holier than thou positions and speak truth, for once, get out of those "Christian" ideals and speak the TRUTH. I was exhausted at the effort.

I have to see that the hate I feel inside is my own, my hate of myself, not of another person...we as Christians, if we dare continue to call ourselves by that name need to consider what that truly means, and step out of fear and into love...

I'm learning a lot, being challenged daily, and having to learn to love, even on my side of things instead of judge those I disagree with. It's a constant journey!

Be Still and Know - I am God

Thank you all for your prayers, they are felt, deep down inside of me and I just need to say that I have been filled with so much peace these last two days. God is faithful! I feel like I am learning so much, being pulled, stretched, TORTURED...okay, not really...but wow, there is so much in life to learn, so much to trust God with, so many ways to be renewed in the presence of God. I have been blessed with a friend named Sipelile, she has been such a blessing to have around. Both of us are away from home and miss the familiar. I think we have been placed together to support one another, and we have been. So many things have changed in only a day that have been so encouraging!

I've decided a few things in the past day that I would like to share with you. I have decided to let go of the past. Yeah, that may sound small, but it isn't really. The past has held me back, kept me believing lies from all the way back in grade school that I still recited to myself every time I was weak. Well, no longer...I now realize how much I have been given, by the absence of it. And really it is just a physical absence, because all that I love it still well and alive in this world, and my Father in heaven has never left either. I am learning to accept a Father's love. Believing that this Father of mine is truly loving and faithful. When I can pull myself out of my mind for only a moment I see that all is well - and it is. It is well with my soul.

I had ice cream today - that will be a rare occasion for me. We have one shopping store called shoprite - it has old veggies and then rows of processed foods and gadgets. Take one sixth of FRY'S and that is the size of the store. I am thinking of starting my own veggie garden once I get to my house. We have been in Kabwe, Zambia, training a group from here and I will go back to The Farm on Friday night and hope to move into my home in Luanshya on Saturday. I think that will as well do much to help me settle. I am still living out of a suitcase - for the last two months or so, and don't like being like that - I want a home!

Thanks again for everything! I thank my God upon Every remembrance of you!

Okay...now I need some help!!!

I can't put a title on this...I don't know why. The computer is not allowing me to reply to any emails, not allowing me to put a title in on my post either. I am going through some culture shock in a big way and feel on the edge of tears most of my time. God has blessed me with a friend, short term - for the next two weeks and I am so happy that she is here. She is from Zimbabwe and 28...and very strong. I don't know how to say what I feel without letting you all down, and that is the last thing I want to do, but I am scared, and feel like I just want to come home. I know I wrote like this when I first got to South Africa and I am hoping that this feeling will pass as it did there, but I feel SO LONELY here. I wonder who those people are that say that they will just look to God for their comfort - did they have friends around? Were they in a familiar world? Because everything is unfamiliar here, and I have nothing to lean on except for my faith which seems to be wavering right now. I am under attack, feeling like Im not going to make it and finding it difficult to believe anything else right now. This morning I was fine, last night I was okay, but oh how I am struggling right now. I hate to write home and say these things...but I wonder if this is where I am supposed to be with my small amount of faith left. The lump in my throat makes it difficult to swallow and I truly feel that I - Lord help me! I know that God made the way for me to be here, I know that He opened all the doors and I thanked him for this. THis is what I've always wanted, to be traveling, not really to be alone doing it...Being the minority is overwhelming and I feel I am getting a good picture of what others coming to America experience. Completly OVERWHELMED...God tells me He is with me, and as I write, as I process, I begin to believe this again...My weaknesses taunt me regularly, my insecurities, my doubts. I wish I could quiet the voices in my head telling me that I won't make it, that I am unable of connecting, that I will feel like this until I go running home. But No, the voice of TRUTH tells me a diferent story, the voice of truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID. Please pray for me...I need your prayers more than ever right now. Pray that I will find peace, pray that this fear will be turned to Strength, pray that I can focus on others more than myself and my insecurities will not win. AND - email, call, please let me know that you are there and I am not alone! Funny how you don't know what you have until it is gone!

African Fire Drills

Are you wondering what an African Fire Drill is??? Well, it is like a Chinese Fire Drill, except you throw in a bathroom break by the side of the car before getting back in....

Craziness, pure craziness! I am in the middle of Africa with two crazy hippies who keep me guessing what I will find around the next turn. We got into the car at 4am so I wasn't really in full mind when we got started so by the first stop a couple of hours into the drive I was very surprised to see the two in front get out, circle around the vehicle...and I am turning to see what is going on, very quickly then turning my head away as I see them squat to do their thing and then get back in the car, switching drivers as they returned, saying nothing to me in the meantime. Little did I know that this was the only kind of bathroom break we were to be taking during our three day road trip into Zambia.

They spit their seeds into a rolled up window...I didn't comprehend until a while after...you know I've seen my father spit seeds while driving, but this is a different kind of spitting seeds, cause they actually don't roll the window down before they do it. I am still struggling to make sense of all I have seen and heard over these past few days! :)

On sunday we had a delightful morning service with the elephants who were less than 20ft away...they trample humans you know, and I wasn't in any zoo...but they were beautiful and let us look on. They really didn't have any choice as there was a small electric fence separating us and them, but it was delightful to see, babies and mammas...loved it.

Lots of monkeys too, Babboons actually running through the area after our visit to Victoria Falls. I did the unthinkable by changing in the middle of the parking lot...I had to...Sal was kind enough to hold a towel up and look the other way. Goodness the experiences over the past few days.

Im in Zambia now and half settled...haven't seen my home yet, but there is a bunch of Owls living above me who keep me company at night. Their noises sound like a big heavy breathing man outside my window but after I got over the initial scare all was fine.

Love you all...pray for me, BIG TIME!